Dan White @atdanwhite
comedy writer | reps: Framework Entertainment | I perform weekly on @improvisdead danwhitewebsite.com LA Joined July 2009-
Tweets13K
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Followers155K
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Following2K
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Likes78K
happy birthday mom! 💘
NEWS: My friends and I now own and run The Onion. I’ll be the CEO. We’re keeping the entire staff, bringing back The Onion News Network, and share the wealth with staff. Basically, we’re going to let them do whatever they want. Get excited. nytimes.com/2024/04/25/bus…
Started a text group for the guys at my gym.
Happy 4/20 to me. One hit of my pen and immediately got “vape poisoning” from an expired cartridge. Spent the last 9 hours double rainbowing out of both ends. Supposed to spend the day faded to the fucking ceiling and instead my two main holes are on fire
*showing a human woman my AI art, trying to get laid* “And this is Sonic the Hedgehog dressed as John Wick…”
If you feel like laughing at any point this weekend, you must watch Conan O’Brien on the latest Hot Ones. The build here is incredible.
This is why people don’t go to the movies anymore
hmu if you want the Betty White, Harriet Tubman and Judy Blume ones!
These jokes rock. Seth Meyers is a coward. youtu.be/SSjpf86x9YM?si…
Met my wife the old fashioned way. She commented “【P】【U】【S】【S】【Y】 【I】【N】 【B】【I】【O】” on my tweet about a Denver Nuggets trade.
I think I just won March Madness.
March Madness babyyyyy (Mr Basketball is back)
Perfect Saturday night at the club. My boys just blew a dozen fat rails of coke in the Men’s room but I don’t like that stuff because it gives me diarrhea so I waited outside and read some rotten tomatoes reviews for Kung Fu Panda 4 on my phone (currently 71%)
.@CopyrightOffice, these people are blatant thieves, making a mockery of your entire purpose. I sincerely hope you have plans to sue them and require them to delete training sets that have injested copyrighted material that they knowingly stole.
.@CopyrightOffice, these people are blatant thieves, making a mockery of your entire purpose. I sincerely hope you have plans to sue them and require them to delete training sets that have injested copyrighted material that they knowingly stole.
Will Sennett @Senn_Spud
115K Followers 1K Following the warrior in the garden @pod197424 / @CloserLookPod
Cameron Bradford @camerobradford
25K Followers 979 Following Take my hand, we'll weather this storm together.
the ben keeps the flo.. @limitlessjest
33K Followers 1K Following Television writer (Hunting Wives STARZ), Native American Media Alliance Fellow, CRIMEWATCHERS podcast, New Yorker Humor. Turtle Mtn. Band of Chippewa, Tsimshian
Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen
45K Followers 2K Following husband to nine father to a beautiful Christian marine son to a wife father (all that matters) marine to a beautiful son comedy writer but TO WHAT END?!
Jack Bensinger @JackBensinger
36K Followers 685 Following
Asher Perlman @asherperlman
28K Followers 2K Following Writer at The Late Show ⚔️ Cartoonist at The New Yorker ⚔️ Performer at wherever tickets are sold
Tim Kalpakis @TimKalpakis
34K Followers 1K Following Tv writer from @TheBirthdayBoys Between Two Ferns @ComedyBangBang ILYA w/ Sarah Silverman & Digman & in the band @TheSloppyBoys
Dan Licata @danlicatasucks
23K Followers 1K Following stand-up comedian, writer (SNL, Joe Pera Talks With You). i am still in high school Chicago 5/12, Milwaukee 5/14, Minneapolis 5/16, Philly 5/19
Emma Pope @emmerpope
10K Followers 806 Following follow me on IG/Tiktok @emmerpope ! she/her (Bernie meme @melvinkaminsky on ig)
Kim Quindlen @kimquindlen
30K Followers 979 Following Chicago comedian. Occasional mom. Rep: Framework Entertainment [email protected]
Lily Sullivan @LilyYily
27K Followers 1K Following HR Ghost Margo "Spirited"/ "This Book Changed My Life" CBBWorld/“Going Deep" Stitcher / "I Think You Should Leave" Nachos Lady / KJ "The Righteous Gemstones"
Lorna @lornajaggard
450 Followers 2K Following Roving jewel. Pub librarian. Cats, in all their forms. Ally ally ally 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈. Playlists ~ puppets ~ pictures of the sea.
garrett schmidt @gls198331
1 Followers 35 Following
Andross @KruncleAndross
0 Followers 2 Following
Addie Reninger @AddieReninger
407 Followers 364 Following
Deezus @Brrrrrrrrt134
65 Followers 37 Following
Nicholas Casner @NicholasCasner
14 Followers 21 Following
Rebecca Peacock @beebs4heisman
11 Followers 32 Following
Jordan Hays @jordankhays
176 Followers 3K Following
eh @whydoyoucarebud
11 Followers 210 Following
Harkonnen Boytoy @Harkonnenboytoy
0 Followers 1K Following Baron vladimir harkonnen number 1 boy toy.
Shea Savage @Shea_Civil
288 Followers 1K Following just trying to watch every movie ever made, that's all
symbiote1126. l0 Luon.. @symbiote1126
6 Followers 35 Following
George Straw @GeorgeStraw3
26 Followers 477 Following
Ah shucks @NordenKi
72 Followers 1K Following
tom 🇵🇸 @d0pam1n3___
428 Followers 856 Following
Blair @BlairTemp99
14 Followers 280 Following
Ryan Caterer @ryancaterer99
277 Followers 324 Following
Alex Whitaker @alexjwhitaker
262 Followers 4K Following
鳴けるよう。 @WillTweetMaybe
345 Followers 1K Following Satire is dead. Corrigez ma francaise s'il vous plaît. 日本語で試みを正して下さい。 @[email protected]
Daniel Cutler @laidbacklloyd
112 Followers 589 Following
Jeff Johns @JohnGalt25
107 Followers 298 Following
noah @noah___16
1K Followers 3K Following @mancity @ohiostatefb @ColumbusCrew @ohiostatehoops @cavs 1x permanently suspended survivor
#Kony2012 @FlandersNygaard
85 Followers 390 Following Ask me about Yung Lean #kony2012 three-ball gang
stuart kittle @w41447
10 Followers 120 Following
Ash @musktherapy
132 Followers 654 Following
Salvatore Ambrose @saviorshoney
311 Followers 2K Following Been lurking on twitter for years, trying to find my voice. Working through my first 100 replies and tweets.
Slick Rick @SlickRick24H
5 Followers 51 Following
Free Speech "VIOLATED.. @RJGanley
2K Followers 6K Following @Apple Lawyers "#VIOLATED_ FREE_SPEECH" & Silenced "2" Witnesses @Apple's Corrupt "#RIGGED" @ZOOM Mediation & Documented Fact @Apple could "NOT WIN" on "MERIT"!
Gen Chapiro @GenChapiro
7 Followers 11 Following Fighter not a lover and proud member of YMCMB #TheKidFromAkron
Johnny Heaters M.D. @jlongcock1873
27 Followers 28 Following Tony Snell of comedy - Lots of effort, Low production
VitaWollaston @88516KKota9p53
2 Followers 177 Following
Devon Carew @devoncarew
174 Followers 268 Following Ghostwriter. Telling your story to the right people. Account growth and lead-gen. Let’s work together: DMs open | Writing for fun about business, sports, tech
Will Sennett @Senn_Spud
115K Followers 1K Following the warrior in the garden @pod197424 / @CloserLookPod
Cameron Bradford @camerobradford
25K Followers 979 Following Take my hand, we'll weather this storm together.
the ben keeps the flo.. @limitlessjest
33K Followers 1K Following Television writer (Hunting Wives STARZ), Native American Media Alliance Fellow, CRIMEWATCHERS podcast, New Yorker Humor. Turtle Mtn. Band of Chippewa, Tsimshian
Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen
45K Followers 2K Following husband to nine father to a beautiful Christian marine son to a wife father (all that matters) marine to a beautiful son comedy writer but TO WHAT END?!
Jack Bensinger @JackBensinger
36K Followers 685 Following
Asher Perlman @asherperlman
28K Followers 2K Following Writer at The Late Show ⚔️ Cartoonist at The New Yorker ⚔️ Performer at wherever tickets are sold
Tim Kalpakis @TimKalpakis
34K Followers 1K Following Tv writer from @TheBirthdayBoys Between Two Ferns @ComedyBangBang ILYA w/ Sarah Silverman & Digman & in the band @TheSloppyBoys
Dan Licata @danlicatasucks
23K Followers 1K Following stand-up comedian, writer (SNL, Joe Pera Talks With You). i am still in high school Chicago 5/12, Milwaukee 5/14, Minneapolis 5/16, Philly 5/19
whitmer thomas @WhitmerThomas
29K Followers 708 Following The Civil Dead movie out now. watch The Golden One on HBO. THE CASINO BOYS podcast 🎲
Emma Pope @emmerpope
10K Followers 806 Following follow me on IG/Tiktok @emmerpope ! she/her (Bernie meme @melvinkaminsky on ig)
Kim Quindlen @kimquindlen
30K Followers 979 Following Chicago comedian. Occasional mom. Rep: Framework Entertainment [email protected]
zach k @zachkettlecorn
887 Followers 391 Following
littleapostate @littleapostate
62K Followers 798 Following reformed doomer with a paint brush - art for sale at link below:
Caroline Cianci @carolinnycianci
2K Followers 2K Following female comedian / management: 3 arts / last drop comedy
Brian Merchant @bcmerchant
25K Followers 3K Following subscribe to BLOOD IN THE MACHINE: THE NEWSLETTER: https://t.co/0GZOH7gvGA Author, BLOOD IN THE MACHINE and THE ONE DEVICE. co-founder: TERRAFORM
anthonyoberbeck @anthonyoberbeck
83 Followers 164 Following
ten second cam @camilli_amilli
8K Followers 1K Following probably thinking about tacos / always maybe joking
Joshua Smith from Bre.. @JoshuaAtLarge
29K Followers 13K Following Ex-Vice Chair of the Libertarian National Committee Candidate for POTUS #BreakTheCycle podcast more anti-war than you. Retvrn to Orthodoxy. buy Bitcoin 💎🖐
Christopher Encell @ChrisEncell
1K Followers 867 Following Dad. Writer on @HIMYFonHulu, @Housebrokenfox, @nbcthegoodplace & @OnMyBlockTV, NHMC Alum.
🚀 John Bourscheid @johnbourscheid
28K Followers 5K Following 📈 Now: @DuckDuckGo 📊 Prev: Crowley, Removaly (acq'd '22) 🚀 Projects: https://t.co/vDPu9BrdQd 🚨 No DMs, opinions = mine, posts may delete
Sam Walsh @sam_walshie
168 Followers 612 Following #blm | NY📍| she/her | Legislative and Labor Committee Director @jessicaramos | @NYSLWU Organizer | Opinions are my own
Shruti Saran @shrutesnladders
6K Followers 893 Following TV writer @ 🤐 on Netflix, 🤐 on Amazon, SLIP on Roku | I write comedy, genre, and long emails to myself | reps: WME, Kaplan Perrone
HELEN @helenfdez
1K Followers 1K Following tv writer. director. showrunner. SINGLE RIDERS ONLY Find us on IG: @Single_Riders_Only
Justin Shanes @justinshanes
21K Followers 785 Following TV writer. Spokesfish for tuna, chicken & salmon pouches/cans.
Naomi Ekperigin @Blacktress
59K Followers 1K Following Comedian. WGA Writer. Carol on @mythic_quest. Co-host @NaomiandAndy podcast. @netflix THE STANDUPS S3, EP 2
Emman Sadorra @EmmanSadorra
253 Followers 695 Following tv writer. the chocolate cake boy from Matilda was based on me ✨
Carson @cmacrae13
13K Followers 3K Following Chief Recruiting Writer for @tSilverBulletin, @PrepRedzone🇨🇦 Scout- Former: Recruiting Analyst/Writer @Rivals
Teleth꩜n @telethonband
2K Followers 1K Following “Swim Out Past the Breakers” out now via @t3hrecords | Founders of @halloweenrecord | [email protected] | hes/hims
sierra ornelas @sierraornelas
19K Followers 2K Following Navajo/Mex/Showrunner: Rutherford Falls. Writer: Loot, Brooklyn 99, Superstore, Happy Endings. Hey, you're great and I'm sure you're doing your best. she/her
Maddow Blog @MaddowBlog
1.2M Followers 3K Following Rachel Maddow and her staff have a blog. This is its voice on Twitter.
Dan Dworkis MD PhD FA.. @ddworkis
747 Followers 409 Following I train individuals, teams, and organizations to excel during emergencies and perform under pressure. | Chief Medical: https://t.co/S2jQxxq9AI | Lead: @TheEmergMind
Alison After Dark �.. @AmericanHussy
49K Followers 863 Following the h*rny posting rambling of a mental genius https://t.co/GmI8CdWtqV
Cameron Loxdale @Cloxdale
1K Followers 995 Following 🏴 Comedy writer repped by @ITG_Ltd. Tell Me Everything, Kat Sadler's Screen Time, The News Quiz, What Just Happened, @bbcstudios Staff Writer 22/23
Isabel B. Slone @isabelslone
5K Followers 1K Following “noted eggnog scholar”│ journalist on the fashion and freak beat │ bylines in @nytimes, @harpersbazaarus etc. │ (she/her)
david @_elvishpresley_
33K Followers 853 Following writer @PencilmationYT | cartoonist @NewStatesman
dustin Couch @Dustinkcouch
108K Followers 741 Following
Caroline @carolinekwan
52K Followers 705 Following actress/screenwriter (sag-aftra, WGA)✨ twitch partner (streams are at 6 PM PST)✨ ig 📸: carolinekwann ✨Business email: [email protected]
Ed Zitron @edzitron
78K Followers 5K Following Newsletter https://t.co/D5qDgUKaNR - Better Offline Podcast - https://t.co/pUoGsuaQTw - Columnist Business Insider - CEO at https://t.co/5idt8AyPqr - Award-Winning Tech PR
m@thew @TweetPotato314
44K Followers 598 Following retired: @tweetpotato314 ︎new: https://t.co/eGYheQADS5 personal: @antelopish
Alice Stanley Jr. �.. @AStanJr
822 Followers 609 Following Trashbb. Writer of dark bubblegum for 📺 & 🎭 (MOXIE, BUSY TONIGHT, BARBIE & more 👀). Luvs ghosts, pastries. 🌈 managed by @anoncontent 🫖
giant idiot @giant_idiot
465 Followers 218 Following all tweets directly represent the opinions of the walt disney company
rudy betrayed @rudy_betrayed
38K Followers 1K Following if you follow me you agree with all of my opinions
sad cowboy @SaddestCowboy_
1K Followers 205 Following CEO of (crying into) myPillow. top 2% skim milk
aidan @aidanisonline
650 Followers 381 Following join me for Ham Wednesday | @nextweeknews on tiktok/instagram
M. Nolan Gray @mnolangray
46K Followers 2K Following the once and future city planner // research director @cayimby // yet another kentuckian in california #BBN // buy my book ❤︎
bbqueen's alt/backup @itsngocbui
381 Followers 320 Following writer or something (@newyorkerhumor, @mcsweeneys, @boogiemanja), dakota johnson's personal assistant | newsletter: https://t.co/cqOD3716gB
anna livia @not_a_heather
24K Followers 1K Following Moby-Dick; or, The Whale is an 1851 novel by American writer Herman Melville.
bfa agonistes @superloafcat
14K Followers 7K Following speedy rewards member at all speedway stores, cash app is $Clover2005
Robert Padnick @rpadnick
944 Followers 101 Following Writer (The Office, Man Seeking Woman, Miracle Workers). Soldier.
The AI priest didn't even make it a week LMAO futurism.com/catholics-defr…
Chuck’s had it with the Pelicans 💀
Moving it to top five right behind “Shaq thinks it takes ten or eleven hours to fly to the moon”
Chuck’s had it with the Pelicans 💀
I’m converting cyber culture to analog/paint in case the power goes out
happy birthday mom! 💘
wrote this one...pretty cool...
NEWS: My friends and I now own and run The Onion. I’ll be the CEO. We’re keeping the entire staff, bringing back The Onion News Network, and share the wealth with staff. Basically, we’re going to let them do whatever they want. Get excited. nytimes.com/2024/04/25/bus…
1. People with minimum wage jobs worked during the pandemic 2. Personally, I used pandemic unemployment to delay getting a day job and write all day and know many who did the same.
We literally just ran this experiment. If you give people money, they will stay home, play video games, and order door dash. There simply are not secret Shakespeares trapped in minimum wage jobs.
@atdanwhite Hey Dan just wanted to say congrats on baby reindeer. That accent work was grade an and I didn’t know you were stalked. Crazy. But with tweets this good what should I expect
@atdanwhite Grade A* lol what am I Martha or something 🤦
was wondering why I got a seemingly random nasty DM earlier
“this decision has not been made lightly” no notice, no severance, and no direction was given to staff
Straight up looks like it’s from the instructions manual for Goldeneye N64
Written By number 2!! 🥲
Migration finally comes to streaming and my 3 year old says it’s too scary. If she’s not into Civil War in IMAX tonight I’m just gonna stop showing her movies
1st Annual Imitation Crab Boil was a massive success until that shootout with the FDA
A trenta cup of anything is simply too much, folks
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