jawn mulaney @phippsdontlie
she/her. I call it like I see it. I'm a straight shooter and I shoot from the hip. and my hips don't lie crab town Joined March 2009-
Tweets18K
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Followers2K
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Following2K
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Likes210K
the way those mens’ legs looked in CHALLENGERS… I almost started barking
i guess my man is just built different
i guess my man is just built different https://t.co/Z5iHWiUSvq
listening to the challengers soundtrack while i work and it’s making me want to watch challengers again
just found this fascinating emoji on a royalty free stock website and thought id share it w the class
jokecraft has become a dying art. these men are getting onstage going BLEE BLOO BLAH A BROAD WIT A DICK?! and everyone goes tee hee. elect me president and i will force everyone to write one liners and street jokes for five years to correct this imbalance
I am being persecuted right now :( Thankfully, whenever I say that, thousands of policemen in riot gear usually roll in pretty much immediately to crush my persecutors 🙏 The power of the state is always helping my persecuted ass 🤪
The trendy bathroom right now must have a double toilet
me: what should i dooooo nyt cooking: beany leeky greens with greeky rampy beans
very telling that Bollard Woman is complaining that the bollards — which are traditionally very stationary — somehow hit HER. she believes she sits perfectly still in her car and the whole world, bollards included, revolves around her
is the "tortured poets department" supposed to be like a police department?!? i just assumed it was something to do with academia
not taking any polycule coverage seriously until they cover one that has 0 hetero-cis men in it
smoking a zoot at the picador garden party
is satisfaction by benny benassi a foundational song for mid 2000s eurodance?
hey has anyone seen my nudes? they're not in my bio...
Two Minutes To Late N.. @2M2LN
15K Followers 852 Following heavy metal talk show. Find our cover songs/merch/patreon/tiktok/everything at
rachel @rachelmillman
52K Followers 4K Following audience development, co-host @wrestlesplania, producer @lineinthestreet. [email protected] https://t.co/6HQ07C3SUW
Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen
45K Followers 2K Following husband to nine father to a beautiful Christian marine son to a wife father (all that matters) marine to a beautiful son comedy writer but TO WHAT END?!
Connor Ratliff 🎭 @connorratliff
22K Followers 5K Following Webby Award-winning Actor/Comedian/Podcaster • Mr. Rapp in @MeanGirls • @DeadEyespodcast 💀👁👁 • @TinyDinosPod 🦕 • @GLucasTalkShow • @RAAAATSCRAPS
Joe Rumrill @2tonbug
10K Followers 1K Following I’m that guy from no things / comedy writer and performer
nick naney @nicknaney
4K Followers 1K Following fatass/dumbass watch my stand up special NESSUN DORMA here: https://t.co/PGjw1ayxcS
jes tom 🥀 @jestom
42K Followers 2K Following LESS LONELY 🥀 comedian, horny cherub 👼🏻 writer: ofmd. actor: crush. ig @jesthekid 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ Less Lonely off-Broadway ⤵️
jourdain searles @judysquirrels
47K Followers 2K Following comedian & critic • bylines @thr @okayplayer @vulture @bitchmedia @indiewire @ebertvoices @refinery29 @reverse_shot • film programmer • [email protected]
Mike Abrusci @mikeabrusci
8K Followers 724 Following God’s Perfect Man™️. Listen to @ALittleTimePod. Sign up for my newsletter below ⬇️⬇️⬇️
no great matter @BringDaNoyz
7K Followers 2K Following likes strawberry rhubarb pie and the New York Mets, dislikes pretty much everything else || screen printing IG: sympathetic.inker || she/her
Diego Lopez @thisdiegolopez
18K Followers 598 Following comedian • mma coach/bjj black belt • @alittletimepod • @nihilift • know violence • Ⓥ
Anya Volz @AnyaVolz
13K Followers 1K Following ☆•VALID•☆ 👂@bestmistakespod with @nikalomazzo 🧠 standup & queer night life 👀 top 1% 🧚 they/them https://t.co/hmEcvyKaf8
ben @benwassertweet
6K Followers 1K Following funny lil guy w/ tiny lil glasses 🇵🇸 free palestine til it backwards
Dan Licata @danlicatasucks
23K Followers 1K Following stand-up comedian, writer (SNL, Joe Pera Talks With You). i am still in high school Chicago 5/12, Milwaukee 5/14, Minneapolis 5/16, Philly 5/19
Swoahew @SwoahewiwJt
0 Followers 56 Following
Elon Musk @Elonspacexmove
39 Followers 787 Following CEO Space 🚀 Tesla🚗 CEO & Creator 📊I Angel investor 📈👽Occupy Mars 🌓more 🌍I multi planetary life☘️🚈I Hyperloop 🏢 I Boring Company Founder🚀🚀
Abby dawn @justloadedcruse
537 Followers 6K Following what you see is what you get , too honest to a fault , open minded , pursuer of truth and knowledge…… don’t let the pressure of the world define you 🫶🫶🫶
Brunch Davidians @the_halfdane
933 Followers 4K Following goodbye young danish women, goodbye danish sky
FKA Dust 🌄 @FkaDust
669 Followers 2K Following [email protected] | master mix: red hot + arthur russell producer ~ next up: Sun Ra & Transa
SKYE:) @uluvskye @Skye_el2481
23 Followers 497 Following fine me there:* I've prepared surprise for you.
Shoren @Shoren263491
8 Followers 944 Following
Thesha @Thesha894385
135 Followers 3K Following
ᵃᵈᵃᵐ @philospider
160 Followers 496 Following
Brian Haley @brianchaley
5K Followers 4K Following inveterate marlboro smoker / “scary tattoo guy” - sanj
Guy Who Tells Hartnet.. @Douggernaut_2
5K Followers 5K Following Remember @thedouggeranut? He's back in @Douggernaut_2 form
Marie Bardi-Salinas @mariebardi
14K Followers 1K Following movieperson, you may have heard me on a podcast
Patrick Santucci - WO.. @krazyglue
1K Followers 4K Following Unabashed #Catholic, happily married to @PraynHard. 7 children. 10 grandchildren. #Homeschool Dad, #ProLife, #SmallGovt. Preferred pronouns: Who, me?
peekskill common @PeekskillCommon
191 Followers 74 Following Talking about #Peekskill with a focus on local government. Managed by @ThatsLogical
Juan Santos @JuanSan54037038
35 Followers 156 Following
yessir @notheytaknmybkt
149 Followers 2K Following
Stephen Colón @501cStephen
1K Followers 4K Following Bivocational homosexual for @unitedchurch. Growth & process improvement for nonprofits/PPPs. My sermons ⩾ my tweets. HIV+ gAyDHD icon 💅🏻. 562 ➭ 619. He/him.
Babs Gray @BabsGray
24K Followers 2K Following don't talk to me, unless it's an emergency listen to my podcast @lady2ladycomedy if you don't hate women
lil psoriasis @earthw3rm
304 Followers 2K Following Planning grad student turned mediocre barista | horse girl
Shosayc @shosayc24700
7 Followers 246 Following
christina |-/ IS SEEI.. @TAX1CABLIVE
2K Followers 3K Following + dont be afraid, were going home | @tylerrjoseph’s #1 hater
cj @lapeticera
17 Followers 403 Following
Benjamin Price @bennylovesfilms
410 Followers 1K Following Film Critic District of Cinema https://t.co/oWZRAD6b95 Chapman '27
ive seen the leviatha.. @eaWescott
148 Followers 582 Following 🚩 untoward; untenable; unironically any pronoun; uncouth; unfit qk1,bsky,social
Emily @Emilyorates
136 Followers 1K Following Black lives matter. Sleepless in New York. Theater nerd. Neurodivergent. She/her. Over-educated woman.
pet sounds, the beach.. @howarethefilms
329 Followers 862 Following es considered the first emo album.
Blacker The Berry @theberrygang1
224 Followers 431 Following Blacker the Berry🍒 & BTB Midnight, We cover everything that is happenin in the world&sprinkle our own sauce into it. Dm for collab 💪🏾✊🏾
jaaaaaaaaaaaar_ @jaaaaaaaaaaaar_
19 Followers 214 Following
Andrew Burns @admburns
225 Followers 1K Following poetry is not a fancy way of giving you information; it’s an incantation. It is actually a magic spell. It changes things; it changes you. - Philip Pullman
Kath Barbadoro @kathbarbadoro
37K Followers 0 Following stand up comedy/podcasting/writing/posting on this website @whatatimepod @LCSpodcast @masterpancake. Next Paid Protest show February 2!
Paul F. Tompkins @PFTompkins
1.2M Followers 3K Following TV & standup & improv & podcasts, hardly any movies Instagram: https://t.co/OWAlzVWjle
Brandy Jensen @BrandyLJensen
150K Followers 2K Following See that she chews her food well, and sets her foot down firmly on the ground when she walks, and you're all right.
Patrick Monahan @pattymo
150K Followers 1K Following cannot stress enough that I am not the Train guy | cohost, @whatatimepod | IG: pattymo | contact: pattymo at pattymo dot com
demi adejuyigbe @electrolemon
214K Followers 292 Following director and comedian and musician and writer (the good place, new warriors, late late show, amber ruffin show, strange planet, neon, + more)
Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman
200K Followers 4K Following Year round iced coffee drinker. Stand-up special "People Pleaser" out now. Previously: Last Week Tonight, Mrs. Maisel, Head Writer/EP Desus & Mero.
Two Minutes To Late N.. @2M2LN
15K Followers 852 Following heavy metal talk show. Find our cover songs/merch/patreon/tiktok/everything at
David Sims @davidlsims
65K Followers 1K Following we are in a cage (Staff Writer @TheAtlantic | Host @blankcheckpod)
Julia Claire @ohJuliatweets
49K Followers 1K Following writer of screeds/jokes @crookedmedia, all of my teeth are real.
Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen
45K Followers 2K Following husband to nine father to a beautiful Christian marine son to a wife father (all that matters) marine to a beautiful son comedy writer but TO WHAT END?!
patrick cotnoir @patrickcotnoir
9K Followers 934 Following booker: @exactlyright, @GLucasTalkShow, ASSSSCAT. casting: unlimited squirrels. formerly: @Marvel @gethardshow, @untitledimprov. cute af. opinions mine.
Connor Ratliff 🎭 @connorratliff
22K Followers 5K Following Webby Award-winning Actor/Comedian/Podcaster • Mr. Rapp in @MeanGirls • @DeadEyespodcast 💀👁👁 • @TinyDinosPod 🦕 • @GLucasTalkShow • @RAAAATSCRAPS
Andy “Brak & other .. @amerrill2
25K Followers 703 Following I am Brak. Shut up. I am. I like food and watching TV. I’m so much fun, I make myself puke. I have a 57-year old bladder. I share too much about myself.
Quorators @Quorators
11K Followers 3 Following Screencaps of the best (and the worst) of Quora dot com. Listen to our podcast QUORATORS on YouTube and all podcast apps. ft @jeremysmiles and @ptaktestkitchen
Brian McCann @McTweetalicious
5K Followers 175 Following Late Night, Tonight Show, Conan, Kids Tonight Show, Totally Biased, Debate Wars, The Who Was Show, Wannabe Farms, and about a thousand more.
Mark Bankston @BankstonAtLaw
18K Followers 219 Following Partner, Farrar & Ball. Bomb-throwing do-gooder. Half Robin Hood, half Blackbeard. Caught Alex Jones lying on the stand.
FKA Dust 🌄 @FkaDust
669 Followers 2K Following [email protected] | master mix: red hot + arthur russell producer ~ next up: Sun Ra & Transa
savannah eden @savbrads
28K Followers 890 Following writer, reformed it girl, founder & editor-in-chief @HALOSCOPEMAG, other things at other times. pitches: [email protected]
HALOSCOPE @haloscopemag
5K Followers 233 Following THE DIGITAL FASHION BIBLE®. But you already knew that, didn’t you?
Sen. Donnie Rifle, I-.. @SteakFrankhouse
10K Followers 2K Following Love too represent my state! All tweets are righteous slander. (205) 255-9375: Leave a comment. pronouns. FSU. Not a parody. Gone Huntin'
teddy @acatnamedteddy
15K Followers 86 Following teddy is a ~12 y/o former street cat, nap enthusiast, and treat connoisseur. all opinions are his own
Dougie @DougieThreeLegs
6K Followers 2K Following Ime have three leggies and none taile! Ime live with mine mummey and daddey in the West of Ireland 🇮🇪 rescued by https://t.co/8ULhTPvRwc
Kristi Yamaguccimane @TheWapplehouse
136K Followers 3K Following •America’s Stepdad•@jortscenterpod•alt @wapplehouse•
Justin Gaynor @justingaynor
7K Followers 308 Following Executive Producer, On Cinema 🍿 Maker of The HEI Network & The On Cinema Timeline. Former host of Big Unhappy Family on @adultswim.
🐱🐈(➕🐈�.. @iTabaxi
2K Followers 7 Following Tabacy 🐱 Beastly 🐈⬛ @itskatsheet @RONSOBONZO 🧍🏻♂️🧍🏾 @_cherryphobic 🙋 (Account Runner uses They/Them pronouns & goes by Renny, not Mom/Dad!)
MIGHTY WARRIOR RONSO .. @RONSOBONZO
4K Followers 8 Following RONSO IS FROM A DUMPSTER. NOW RONSO LIVES WITH GREY MAN @itskatsheet ORANGE MAN AND RUSTY GIRL @iTabaxi AND A RENNY @_cherryphobic HEADER BY @yeah_good_okay
Khajiit Supports Pale.. @itskatsheet
8K Followers 2K Following (8)Years Old, Huge Gay Basatarde. VERY Nermal Guy. @iTabaxi @RONSOBONZO are my stinky Bothers. @_cherryphobic is Renny (they/Them, 29yo)
jane moon 🇵🇸 @janem00n
7K Followers 710 Following https://t.co/qeZzsQf5hJ https://t.co/93jMxusLl1 musician & artist
littol clee 🖤 🧡 @CleeWeezy
7K Followers 1K Following helo iam cleo (clee type). i, am tan yers old and So smol its imbarasing . canaut speall, nevre went to schol. inventre of the Clee Sit @hrh_lily mine sistor
Jesse McLaren @McJesse
1.1M Followers 1K Following Board Certified Comedy Writer. Didn't pay for Twitter Blue, just cursed.
Timothy Burke @bubbaprog
116K Followers 1K Following Journalist. @bubbaprog.ilovecitr.us on Bluesky.
Tadhg Fleming @tadhgfleming_
12K Followers 14 Following 📍Kerry | Ireland 🇮🇪 • Sharing a bitta Craic 💚 • Content Creator📲 • Messer with a phone 🤣 • Links to other stuff ⤵️ https://t.co/qTpMwv5P7v
Mark @chillldozer
3K Followers 1K Following @stabbed420 @BlameGod_USA Exsanguinated who fuckin’ cares
Sanguisugabogg @sanguisugabogg
22K Followers 261 Following @centurymedia @centurymediaeu 💪💪💪BOOKING: [email protected]💪💪 💪MGMT: [email protected] 💪💪💪
JRR Jokien @joshcarlosjosh
73K Followers 993 Following concerning hobbits, faith, & pop culture sign up for my LOTR newsletter at https://t.co/k22jTDs8Bj @JokienWTolkien & @HEvangelical admin merch & other socials ⬇️
Marie Bardi-Salinas @mariebardi
14K Followers 1K Following movieperson, you may have heard me on a podcast
Midwest Modern @JoshLipnik
120K Followers 831 Following Architecture, Art, and Design from the Midwest | Subscribe on Patreon: https://t.co/DJqLP7OoZM | Contact at [email protected]
Kairo @Kairo_Anatomika
26K Followers 129 Following I ❤ anatomy, pathology, teratology and I have so many goddamn questions
Lauren Oyler @laurenoyler
32K Followers 2K Following I'm 6 feet tall and I wrote the novel FAKE ACCOUNTS. My new book is an essay collection called NO JUDGMENT and you can buy it now!
out of context 30 Roc.. @30rockposts
19K Followers 4 Following
Patches Chance @patcheschance
2K Followers 3K Following 📝 Words: @PasteMagazine, @GinxTV. Co-Founder of @LetThemWrestle. Gay 🏴☠️ at @ofmdframes. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ Schrödinger's Queer. 🎙 Co-Host of @WCRewind.
Fossil Locator @FossilLocator
14K Followers 2K Following (Yinan) Author of 50 State Fossils. Geologist. Natural History. Very helpful with rock questions. Join my mineral-of-the-month club (see linktree)! He/him
beer person @CantEverDie
132K Followers 2K Following JUNE - L’CHAIM - TRANS DISINFO INFLUENCER - podcasting on @WesternKabuki & @CrateDiving - streaming games on https://t.co/kXjet8u2M2
John Phipps: Big Hair.. @MagitekDad
13K Followers 1K Following @officialSDGC creator/host, Magitek Armor Pilot. Fitness/JRPGs/whiskey. Your incredibly handsome, muscular dad. Head of Village Security. My opinion is law.
Alexis Nikole Nelson @blackforager
82K Followers 604 Following if I’m tweeting, gingerly tell me to go finish my book. probably eating weeds somewhere 🌱🤘🏾she/her [email protected]
cats with jobs 🛠 @CatWorkers
2.2M Followers 172 Following Good cats being workers • Unionized • Mascot @JobertTheCat • Takedown/credit/submissions: [email protected]
why you should have a.. @shouldhaveanima
1.7M Followers 38 Following The Perfect account to show your parents when you want an animal 🦆
KL Studio Classics / .. @KLStudioClassic
31K Followers 145 Following Kino Lorber presents two new lines of classic and cult studio/non-studio films.
Homestar Screens @grapenuts_robot
9K Followers 3 Following All the time tweeting frames from Homestar Runner internet cratoon every 30 minutes. This bot can also be found on other websites!
Annie? Rauwerda? @anniierau
46K Followers 4K Following i spend more time on @depthsofwiki! i like wikipedia, trivia, stew, etc @[email protected]
sarcoma @doomedsarcoma
75K Followers 80 Following non-binary folk horror artist. cmms CLOSED. contact⇒ [email protected]
Peekskill Herald @HeraldPeekskill
514 Followers 136 Following We're excited to join the #Peekskill Twitter community! Follow along for news and features about our great city at https://t.co/tCgoZx6awV.
“Pinkie” AP Davis @PinkieToons
26K Followers 2K Following Award-winning Comedy Animation Director & Storyboard Artist. Cowbutch. #IATSE 839. Previously on @spongebob & spinoffs. Contact: [email protected]
Any theories as to why so many prominent climate deniers are physicists? Every time someone is like "Well this NOBEL SCIENTIST doesn't believe in climate change!" it's pretty much always a physicist.
he looks like a very kindhearted mouse who got turned into a prince
Josh O'Connor on the possibility of "Challengers" increasing his celebrity status: "Now that’s a dreadful thought." Interview: rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-m…
congratulations to seventeen (17), which has just been named the official amount of dollars for a disappointing lunch that you eat 2/3 of and then forget the rest in the office fridge to cost
Someone is super fucking needy today
this shit should be ILLEGAL. fuck you! you're a website! give me a cancel button, boom! over! don't make me call some poor fuckin drone to have a break-up conversation! i hate it! i hate modernity!
the absolute least you can do is be respectful of the 30K+ lives lost in this genocide. schools gone. hospitals gone. families gone. stop talking about these encampments like they’re divorced from all that. stop talking about protesting like a social event.
@karthi9003 Does the bollard look broken? YET ANOTHER SHIT PAVEMENT LETTING THE SIDE DOWN. #WorldBollardAssociation
this is what it’s all about
there is so much to continue living for. like a everything bagel. or coffee
Important development
Someone is super fucking needy today
Here’s my takeaway from this: Dwayne Johnson being late supports union workers
so is there a mrs steal your girl? 😏 oh, it's my girl? ah...
Every night when me and Renee go to bed, Ume jumps onto the bed and snuggles himself right between us. Last night I was laying there and he wiggled around a little and rested his head upon mine; we both fell asleep like that. I love my little friend so much
when every other adult in your immediate family has a record and you don’t, that’s a specific situation. I’m also disabled so I can’t think on my feet the way other people can. I’m blind in one eye. I just don’t want to be a burden on the ground.
I’m not staying home because I’m Black and don’t want to be a “mule”. it’s disrespectful to the movement to even be talking like that. it doesn’t even make any sense. this is about all of us. all of us against fascists, racists and the police.
my mom has been in jail since mid-2021. I waited so long to even mention it because of the way that yall carry on here. nosey in a very self-serving way. it causes me a lot of pain that I can’t be on the street protesting. but I am the oldest of 5 and my siblings depend on me.
and i’m not sure who was saying tashi wasn’t racialized or didn’t come off Black but like… yes she did lol her outfits, the way she spoke, her hair, everything.
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