shellbular @Shelby_Heinrich
disappointed but not surprised. editor @buzzfeed. she/her. buzzfeed.com/shelbyheinrich Los Angeles, CA Joined June 2012-
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hey sorry for being so anxious earlier i had no idea everything would be fine
Girls will suffer unearthly tragedies and still run errands the same day with a smile on their face but if a man’s parents divorce when he is 12 he will unleash his wrath on the world for the rest of his life
y’all have no respect for the ppl who make your life easier. the person making your morning coffee deserves a livable wage. the person stocking the groceries you buy deserves a livable wage. the person cleaning the restrooms in the office you work at deserves a livable wage.
tonight i wore a long sweatshirt and slacks in the club and i have NEVER felt more powerful
happy #PumpRules finale day to all who celebrate!!!
“all opinions are valid!” no they’re not. some opinions are bad
wake up babe, new capitalist buzzword for being forced to live like a medieval peasant just dropped
My parents, who bestowed upon me a lifetime of trauma: but why don’t you wanna have kids????
Crazy to think a year ago I was having the worst week of my life. Now here I am - having a moderately fine week #growth
now that the dust has settled and no one cares about don’t worry darling anymore i can finally make the joke that it’s actually about the strain being in medical school/residency puts on a relationship
in my reckless spending era (has been going on for 8 years)
I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2pm on any given day
love the 2-3 hours i spend as a writer boosting myself up to actually write 👍
men do shrooms once and discover the same things 13 year old girls have discovered alone in their bedrooms
ah yes, the real five love languages: - touch starved -my parents never said they were proud of me - i love Things - i’m so exhausted by life pls let me rest for 5 mins - hey pay attention to me
Kelly Martinez 🇵�.. @kmartts
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I wanna talk about how the United States has effectively RUINED every single thing we love. food, music, social media, friends, public spaces, learning, taking care of ourselves… like for what…
the way I believe my therapist and I would be friends under different circumstances is probably how men feel when they think their hooters waitress is into them
3pm? sorry that’s my time to be the most tired I’ve ever been in my life everyday
business tip. INSTEAD OF SAYING “i work from home”: weak, lazy, does not sound productive SAY “i practically live at the office”: a real go-getter, dedicated to the grind, a worker bee
You wouldn’t last an hour in the coconut tree I fell out of
In Spain rn and everywhere I turn are beautiful sexy men off to work… wish we had this in the US but sadly all we have are DJs :(
Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now
Can I call in pants too tight and go home if I am already at work
listening to I can do it with a broken heart while driving actually feels like what I imagine driving off rainbow road in mariokart would feel like in real life
yeah i’m just feeling a little bit off. like clinically depressed
some of you weren’t there* *the year 2012 when the promo trailer for Girls season 2 featuring the song Anything Could Happen by Ellie Goulding dropped
"fatherless behavior" actually i have a dad, im just a terrible woman
attention span so short it takes me 7 days to finish a 2 hour movie.
13 year old girl came in to my barista job and asked “can i get one espresso? wait actually what’s in an espresso?” so thank u sabrina carpenter
Say sike right now
"me espresso" sounds like a lyric written by a swedish pop music genius who doesn't speak fluent english and thats why its the song of summer