AmberTozer @AmberTozer
Author of SOBER STICK FIGURE - a dark and silly story about alcoholism https://t.co/kXc0LPQ5PH Instagram.com/ambertozer/ I'm right here Joined January 2009-
Tweets21K
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Followers55K
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Following2K
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Likes49K
been gaming surrounded by Black Mold for 30 yrs. so when i game in a clean room its like the training weights come off & i become full power
Women my age keep telling me I should try hormonal replacement therapy and I am like fuck you I am gonna get fat and mean like the good Lord intended
For years I tortured myself trying to become rich and famous and then I realized all I needed was a dog
This is the best thing in the history of life.
This is the best thing in the history of life.
computer please generate 7 more godfather movies for $0 and make them all really good
every waiter who has ever ejaculated into my food Fuck you
Exxon just reported record profits for the first quarter of this year, raking in $11.43 billion. The oil giant now has $33 billion cash on hand. Say it with me, corporate greed is driving inflation, not workers demanding better wages and benefits.
Do you wanna be in my family all you have to do is not communicate and buy all your gifts at Ross
"your posts suck ass now " my posts have always sucked Ass . You are just mad at me for some reason
You know you've made some questionable life choices when you find yourself living back in your hometown with two emotional support animals wondering how much it'll cost to get a few tattoos removed
To protect the profits of gun manufacturers, the NRA has convinced too many Americans that more guns in more places makes us safer. But 400,000,000 guns in the hands of civilians coupled with weak gun laws have given us a 25 times higher gun homicide rate than any peer nation.
I was on a break from making big mistakes but I am ready to get going again
I love how this clip gets rediscovered and posted year after year - and every year, more people get to feel the joy of it
I love how this clip gets rediscovered and posted year after year - and every year, more people get to feel the joy of it
The lineup for @NarratorsShow tonight is incredible. See you all there!
We've got an incredible lineup for "DISTANCE" on Wednesday night at @Buntport: Steven Burge, Josh Hartwell, @AmberTozer, @badCodyUllrich, @salmazaky_, and your host, Erin Rollman. Name-your-own-price tickets at buntport.com!
Serious question: Why are school teachers taxed at a higher rate than billionaires?
Oh no
14,000 strollers recalled after a child’s fingertip was amputated. Guns are the leading cause of death among children, but for 40 years, an exemption from regulation has prevented the government from overseeing firearms like every other consumer product. nytimes.com/2022/09/02/bus…
I like the idea of quiet quitting but I love the idea of screaming while doing a good enough job
Sophia Benoit @1followernodad
122K Followers 1K Following books: WELL, THIS IS EXHAUSTING & THE DA VINCI CODE | columns: @Bustle & @gqmagazine | words: @wsj, @guardian, @thecut | rooting for: Tyrese Maxey
Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
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lauren ashley bishop @sbellelauren
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Napcore Influencer @SortaBad
62K Followers 800 Following @sortaokaytbh if we are pals. Solana + Metis + Avax ecosystem maxi
mike ginn @shutupmikeginn
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Brian Gaar @briangaar
80K Followers 2K Following Finally a bearded white dude in comedy. https://t.co/z1EDZmqdBo Bluesky: https://t.co/XkLVhTtCfv
Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen
45K Followers 2K Following husband to nine father to a beautiful Christian marine son to a wife father (all that matters) marine to a beautiful son comedy writer but TO WHAT END?!
Ted Travelstead @trumpetcake
50K Followers 5K Following I'm not everyone's cup of teeth. https://t.co/97Pa1xYSHh
audrey farnsworth @audipenny
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donni saphire @donni
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Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo
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Arby’s Provocateur @SamGrittner
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Dan Duvall @lazerdoov
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dan mentos @DanMentos
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Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91
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[email protected] @PatBintz
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Melisje @Melisje2010
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GingerDoll @GingerDolls69
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Hailey Literally @haileyliterally
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Thouse @Thouse1555601
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Centre Wing @AllanMa22148845
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Malkeet Singh @Malkeet85988833
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Craig Adams @CraigTysonAdams
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Unfathomable19 @UnfathomableDFS
187 Followers 2K Following Truth Seeker and Truth Speaker. #Badpitchers updates. Eagles, Phillies, PGA and UFC Fan. Comedian and stand-up writer.
Acide @pHAcide
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andrew kelso @ADrwkel
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Harvey @HarvestButtons
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HADLEY JONES @youu666ooi
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Bryce Villalpando @q59bjbtckc
0 Followers 11 Following
LOvevirus Pappu II @LOvevirusPappu
140 Followers 2K Following (ìf éw lûv méh, éw câñ ìf éw hâté méh, ì ðûñ't câré. ß'cøZ ì ðøñ't wâñt tø kñøw mé. ì jûst wâñt tø lìké mé..!) jûst_$ímÞlé tø bé thé gréât.........
Ruby 🍑 @Ruby_Lacey_eth
2 Followers 20 Following 🍪👠 Adult fashion model by day, baking еnthusiast by night. Burritos are my guilty pleasure. Let's find fellow foodie fashionistas! 🌮✨ onlyFans🍑💦
Jody Mathews @crooksngrannies
185 Followers 2K Following
hasselbainks @hasselbainks
80 Followers 128 Following
feeno @ArianFoster
577K Followers 939 Following in my lane and out the way. new project out. bohemia 🙏🏾❤️
Katherine Tabor @katherinetabor
12 Followers 147 Following
Disgruntled Postman @PostalPostman
156 Followers 552 Following Postal worker fed up with menial labor...I wanted to be a rock star! (I) was @kcoleg8 https://t.co/23zUWdLycS RIP
Laura Katelyn @LKatelyn840
185 Followers 920 Following I am who I am , your approval isn’t needed 🧐 CURVY HIPS,RED LIPS& a DANGEROUS PAIR OF EYES
Gemini Vegitarian @leglly_brunette
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J.T. Wahlberg @JtWahlberg
252 Followers 618 Following Author I Forgot to Stay Sober: https://t.co/t9KFVG3fcY Sober 08/18/2014 ACE Certified Personal Trainer Coach at Orangetheory Fitness
maurorless @maurorless_
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Spook @ghost_breath
70 Followers 146 Following
lizdfox @lizdfox
2K Followers 4K Following 🌻FinanceProfessional,Philosophy, PediatricCancer&DiversityBoards. Laughing,family,dogs,reading,creating art,politics #RESIST#BLM#FBR🚫DM’s
Ibrahim Shafiu Usman @UsmanShafi96286
12 Followers 67 Following
Elson @elsonggg
113 Followers 1K Following
Caroline Groarke @CarolineGroarke
36 Followers 805 Following
Sophia Benoit @1followernodad
122K Followers 1K Following books: WELL, THIS IS EXHAUSTING & THE DA VINCI CODE | columns: @Bustle & @gqmagazine | words: @wsj, @guardian, @thecut | rooting for: Tyrese Maxey
Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit
91K Followers 3K Following Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob, @FallonTonight, and one time for an aftershow about sharks
lauren ashley bishop @sbellelauren
53K Followers 2K Following comedy writer. comedy performer. mother of all dogs. AR native. my brain is @deeppawghts on IG tiktok: @sbellelauren
maura quint @behindyourback
114K Followers 1K Following Elon Musk is a piss baby. Rarely checking this account. Follow me at mauraquint on bluesky, insta, tt, etc. Contact: quintmaura@ gmail
Napcore Influencer @SortaBad
62K Followers 800 Following @sortaokaytbh if we are pals. Solana + Metis + Avax ecosystem maxi
mike ginn @shutupmikeginn
210K Followers 1K Following
Brian Gaar @briangaar
80K Followers 2K Following Finally a bearded white dude in comedy. https://t.co/z1EDZmqdBo Bluesky: https://t.co/XkLVhTtCfv
Cullen Crawford @HelloCullen
45K Followers 2K Following husband to nine father to a beautiful Christian marine son to a wife father (all that matters) marine to a beautiful son comedy writer but TO WHAT END?!
Ted Travelstead @trumpetcake
50K Followers 5K Following I'm not everyone's cup of teeth. https://t.co/97Pa1xYSHh
audrey farnsworth @audipenny
43K Followers 854 Following writer. @audipenny on IG / important newsletter @ https://t.co/bZaZufPQ3K / comics at @scaretownusa
donni saphire @donni
60K Followers 2K Following Skeptical of most squirrels. Friendly comedian. More jokes on @[email protected]. Producer on The Love Below at Beermiscuous in Lincoln Park. Hat avoider.
Mary Kobayashi @MaryKoCo
22K Followers 2K Following Formerly 1/4 of The Perfect Women on @adultswim 🍟 Currently 1/2 Japanese 🇯🇵
Arby’s Provocateur @SamGrittner
49K Followers 1K Following Poison for dinner? Again? 📸 IG: @samgrittner
Dan Duvall @lazerdoov
34K Followers 2K Following
out of context dogs @contextdogs
1.7M Followers 790 Following follow us for daily dog Content 🐶| Dm for credit and removals | art by @sillynubcat
Matt Rife @mattrife
354K Followers 1K Following Stand Up Comedian/Actor/Person. Insta: MattRife. TOUR DATES👇🏼
Boots Riley @BootsRiley
188K Followers 18K Following I have a show about a 13ft tall Black man who lives in Oakland, CA. It's called I'm A Virgo. It's out now on Prime Video.
brandibowles @brandibowles
10K Followers 250 Following Literary Agent at United Talent Agency. Stuck on a Zoom.
Joe Praino @FixYourLife
13K Followers 791 Following 👨🏻 Comedian, host, career .268 hitter.🎙️Half of @thedirtysports. 🍺 @millerlite enthusiast.
Julia Prescott @juliaprescott
8K Followers 1K Following The Young Pope of CityWalk™️ Host of @WorstPlaysPod
(((Milk Media New Yor.. @milkmedianewyor
8K Followers 8K Following Quite openly Jewish. Jewish Dairy & Media Company. We also train cows as spies. DM for more info.
Bridget Everett @bridgeteverett
41K Followers 915 Following
Rick Steves @RickSteves
190K Followers 114 Following Guidebook author, TV & radio host, business owner, Lutheran, and NORML Board Member. Fanatically positive and militantly optimistic.
Kellie Martin @Kellie_Martin
62K Followers 557 Following Actress from LIFE GOES ON and ER. Yalie, producer, director, and advocate for those living with autoimmune disease Follow me here: https://t.co/rPMNAp3jPj
blaire erskine @blaireerskine
409K Followers 2K Following Writer for @jimmykimmellive. “The woman playing Yaccarino”- @THR. Rep: CAA
Thomas Harding @harding_at_mlb
23K Followers 11K Following I've covered the Rockies since 2000, and for https://t.co/teGWLJcsd6 since 2002.
allison castillo @allistillo
968 Followers 596 Following I'm a writer and comic. Get the album, Forever 32, on iTunes.
Dana Eagle @DanaEagleTweets
4K Followers 2K Following Dana's been seen on NBC's Last Comic Standing, The Late, Late Show, Comedy Central, and Comics Unleashed. She began in musical theater but was asked to leave.
Ron S. Doyle @rondoyleco
3K Followers 3K Following Podcast producer, editor & writer. Projects: @LeverNews, @GrawlixComedy, @NarratorsShow, @HighPlainsCF Grew up in Roswell, NM. Will eat your leftovers. he/him
Spot & Tango @spotandtango
199 Followers 157 Following It’s food your dog would buy. Start your personalized meal plan made with whole fruits, veggies, meats, and grains, delivered right to your door. #itstangotime
Dolly Parton @DollyParton
5.4M Followers 48 Following 🦋 The Official X of Dolly Parton 🦋 Pre-order ‘Billy the Kid Comes Home for Christmas’ ❤️
David A. Goodman @DavidAGoodman
21K Followers 2K Following Writer: Family Guy, Orville, Futurama, Honor Society. podcast “So What’d You Think.” https://t.co/2fm4zt9KoN
Shawn Pearlman @shawnpearlman
5K Followers 842 Following TV writer for @rickandmorty, @swordsonhulu, and more upcoming stuff. I won't waste a potential tweet here
Brett Hiker @BrettHiker
819 Followers 659 Following Comic, Mountain Man, Filmmaker (just a grip), “North America’s Sweetheart”
nathan fielder @nathanfielder
548K Followers 238 Following
WeHo Daily @WeHoDaily
85K Followers 3K Following Tweeting, publishing and curating news about West Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Hollywood — and the world from a WeHo perspective. These tweets are not funny.
Cash Hartzell @cashhartz
1K Followers 2K Following I work at a grocery store, have lost an Emmy™️, and am an Associate Member In Good Standing of the Osterville Veterans Association Inc.
Rainie Cole @rainiecole
3K Followers 2K Following #EndVoterSuppression #StopTrumpism #LGBTQplusHumanRights #VotingRights #GetMoneyOutOfPolitics #EndGerrymandering #SaveOurPlanet #WorldPeace #VoteBlue #RESIST
Alison McHenry @alison_mchenry
13 Followers 164 Following
Neil Lowenthal @NeilLowenthal1
27K Followers 22K Following Neil's an alleged comedy writer. He & his twin Mark traffic in political humor & topics of equally bad taste. Contributor @sorrowscopes https://t.co/hjMYXwa7pO
Black Hills Energy @bhenergy
3K Followers 1K Following When it comes to being safe, being prepared and making your home as energy efficient as possible, you’re not alone. We're your winter ready resource.
Elon Musk @elonmusk
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Monica Lewinsky (she/.. @MonicaLewinsky
1.2M Followers 1K Following INSTA monica_lewinsky @altendprod • anti-bullying activist •@tedtalks giver • •@vanityfair contributor •rap song muse • ex-beret model •knitter•
Bill Lawrence @VDOOZER
155K Followers 812 Following Shrinking and Ted Lasso out now. Old Stuff: Scrubs, Spin City, Clone High (returning soon) Cougar Town, Whiskey Cavalier, other Stuff
Eddie Stokes @iamEddieStokes
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Animation Domination @AniDom
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Tyler Riggers @RiggersOfLife
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Jen Deaderick @jendeaderick
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Kristen Schaal @kristenschaaled
898K Followers 1K Following Comedian,actress, she/her. https://t.co/F8dZfOVJrt thanks, Carlie Hoke for writing it.
Edi Patterson @EdiPattersonHi
17K Followers 1K Following I play Judy Gemstone and am a writer on #TheRighteousGemstones💎(Plan B, Knives Out, VicePrincipals, Bean Dip on Comedy Bang Bang @GROUNDLINGS @IMPROTHEATRE
Connor Ratliff 🎭 @connorratliff
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Nina de Gramont @NinadeGramont
1K Followers 292 Following Phasing this site out of my life. Find me on Instagram @ninadegramont
Christy Fletcher @FletcherChristy
5K Followers 3K Following United Talent Agency, Authoritive, Go Rams 🐏
Fletcher & Company @fletcherco
3K Followers 897 Following Fletcher & Company is a literary management co, based in New York, NY.
Eric Barker @bakadesuyo
30K Followers 61 Following My new book "Plays Well With Others" is available now: https://t.co/WIR7wrSHsv
The older I get, the more I realize it’s all about family. Undoing the damage caused by your family.
i hereby dedicate every past and future major league baseball game to WOmen with Depression
I was supposed to be on 1 or 2 episodes of @arresteddev; I stayed 5 years. Right off the bat I improvised: Sitting with the Bluths, on the table were pastries. I slowly moved them to the edge and let them fall into my briefcase. Preorder #BeingHenry bit.ly/3Zxk13e
been gaming surrounded by Black Mold for 30 yrs. so when i game in a clean room its like the training weights come off & i become full power
Oh! I need you to know, I’ve got signed books! I’ve got SO MANY signed books! I’ve got 7,000 signed books!!! I can only use my left hand now. Order YOUR copy of #BeingHenry – signed by my right hand – at independent bookstores across the country. bit.ly/3PA3ut0
my parents have been divorced my entire life and i’ve only seen them interact 3 times ever. they were thrilled when i demanded we take this photo! should i try to get them back together…….? 🥹
The only thing that sounds worse than going to Burning Man is not being able to leave Burning Man.
I hope we can get the people stranded at Burning Man to talk about their experience.
This is Casper. He’s a Great Pyrenees whose job is to guard the sheep on his family's farm, and he takes that job very seriously. In the early morning of Nov. 4, 2022, a pack of 11 coyotes surrounded the farm's flock of sheep while Casper was on watch…
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