Herschel Pennymacker @pennymacker
I know why the caged bird drinks. https://t.co/sozrAgOyqo Joined January 2017-
Tweets19K
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Followers2K
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Following1K
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Likes49K
I bet the Coneheads were really aerodynamic.
My parents get a lot of celebrity names wrong and in light of recent news I think it's important to know my mom calls Jelly Roll "Sticky Bun" which makes me hope somewhere there is a Central Pennsylvania impersonator of JR called SB honestly
Action is my middle name. I wanna say it's Flemish?
I mimeographed my own scathing hot takes and stapled them to everyone’s copy of the Weekly Reader.
Never liked how cocky that gingerbread man was.
You're grown now. It's three for flinching.
“Spelunker.” Such a funny word. Anyway, have they found your husband yet?
My lowercase g's are kind of swoopy, but my f's look like decorations on a violin. Taken together, these two facts are neutral.
I'm sure T rexes used something as backscratchers but exactly what has been lost to history.
You know how you can lie down for a nice nap and when you wake up you have no idea what time it is? Or exactly where you are? Or whether all these other people with parachute packs expect you to jump?
@realcuckoosnest The Guinness Echo
Weird to realize that at one point in human history the world record for hot dog eating was one.
You claim that you'll respect "whomever" respects you. Grammatically speaking it's "whoever". Literally, it's neither.
Dear Lord, please do not let me die unless I am freshly showered.
Fortune, fame Mirror, vain Gone insane But cheese remains
Fact: The Lone Ranger was not really alone - Tanto... HELLO!
Strange that there's so many desserts that sound like pooping but nobody's going to pass up homemade dump cake, pudding plops or grandma's berry grunt.
I've decided to be the sun and let planets dance around me for a while. So ya know, stand clear etc.
Men be like "I don't do labels" and then ask what's your name
USA. A Mexican restaurant. We had not yet ordered anything, and the food was already arriving. Chips. Salsa. Unrequested. Free. I stopped the waiter. "We have not earned these." "They just come with the table, man." They come with the TABLE. In my land, hospitality is a debt. Every gift creates an obligation, weighed carefully, returned in the proper season with interest of feeling. Here, the gift arrives before you have even proven you can pay for dinner. This is not an appetizer. This is a declaration: we trust you. Eat. I ate with the gravity the moment deserved. And then — I must report this calmly — the basket emptied, and a new one appeared. "Did we…?" "Refill," the waiter said. "It's bottomless." Bottomless. They have wells of salsa. The supply lines of this nation are beyond anything my ancestors imagined. My friend warned me. "Don't fill up on chips, dude." Too late. I had accepted three baskets. Honor demanded each one be finished — an unfinished gift is an insult. By the time my actual food arrived, I was a ruined man. I was not hungry. I was not comfortable. I had been defeated by a courtesy. Generosity that arrives before the request cannot be repaid. It can only be survived. I know the rule now. I have made my peace with the basket. One basket. Two at the most. Who am I deceiving. There is no number of baskets I would refuse. The trust of a nation is in that salsa, and I intend to honor all of it.
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke
44K Followers 8K Following Fancy Pants raconteur I write this for fun https://t.co/heH4IlJcMx I know who DB Cooper is
Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO
47K Followers 6K Following Tall, pale, relentlessly cheerful. https://t.co/1tLBuSYH1g
inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa
20K Followers 6K Following Public menace. Bog Witch. Level 58 Trainwreck. Costco Gold Star Member.
Jack Boot @IamJackBoot
13K Followers 983 Following The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, Harper's, Rolling Stone. I've read some of these magazines.
Bob Golen @BobGolen
60K Followers 31K Following Hey, give me a try. Mainly old jokes (spruced up a bit) and sentimental musings. Big believer in kindness. Leaning left, but not very woke (Boomer, ya know).
meghan @deloisivete
23K Followers 3K Following surrounded by a chaos of my own making | tweets in link below
fightgeek @fightgeek
10K Followers 8K Following i wander around outside and hangout with dogs mostly 🇺🇸
Matty @bestestname
16K Followers 6K Following Twitter is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you.
Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit
19K Followers 661 Following Pilot. Mancub. Liar. 🍸🤘avi by @fro_vo / header by @marfsalvador https://t.co/6bJSdwHf8w
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
51K Followers 6K Following Gen Xer with opinions, observations, and a sense of humor. Loves animals more than most people. LA 📍
The B. @anerdonfire2
41K Followers 12K Following My thoughts were full of other things when I wandered off the path. Dante Alighieri, Inferno
your other mom @difficultpatty
41K Followers 938 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
Seamus O'flaugherty @seamussaid
11K Followers 4K Following genx southern-fried psalms and proverbs |pop https://t.co/QvykFxQYaC recent https://t.co/r6wsrNZ3K3
Cat From Nowhere @kv8
17K Followers 9K Following omnipresent in absentia, perchance frittering my time away on... here. .•| sui juris |•.
Chief of Pattern Dept @PatternDeptHQ
5K Followers 2K Following Autistic sculpture maker. I agree w/Buddhists who love Christ but find Christians so un-Christ-like. I don't like seeing people lied to.
One flew over @realcuckoosnest
236 Followers 73 Following Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck it for always. That's the way it should be.
Stephen @Resistthehate1
66 Followers 413 Following
matt @theMATT3000
2K Followers 974 Following Not aligned with any echo chamber. Reading widely. Thinking slowly. Opinions subject to change.
Matt Bavar @bootlegbavar
439 Followers 855 Following getting by on getting by day trader trying to learn my way in a world of geniuses. Trade ideas are not for you to follow because I have no clue what I’m doing
Party Waffle @PartyWaffle
2K Followers 587 Following All seeing, all knowing Trevor https://t.co/3Bp3vMeNH2
Gorgtr @gorgtr_
75 Followers 58 Following Waterlogged tree stump and official spokes-stump for the office of Abdias Bagidasov
John Malone @john_malone
1K Followers 3K Following Fractional Janitor & Ruby dude (1 Year laid off Microsoftie). Catholic, Dad and wife guy, Peace Corps Samoa, Politically Unhoused, Whippet aficionado.
Henry Knox @nobletraincmdr
14 Followers 108 Following
Joe Blevins @Joe_A_Blevins
3K Followers 5K Following Co-host of @fonziepodcast. Co-author of Dad Made Dirty Movies.
Mikkel Petersen @MikkelDPetersen
3K Followers 2K Following
Mark H @MtnSounder
887 Followers 2K Following Security background, Poli Sci geek, project manager, guitar builder, musician, fly fisher Opinions are my own. No affiliations.
Goodnight Stories Wit... @Goodnight_Dad
87 Followers 168 Following Bedtime goodnight stories with positive vibes. Sleep well and have the best dreams…DM to say hi or email: goodnightstorieswd@gmail
marcus8022 @marcus802285418
161 Followers 3K Following
Paul @PEMB7147
23 Followers 4K Following
Mike (one of dozens) @TheMikeCheck12
127 Followers 897 Following Government Hack. Student of Human Moves.
Wilde Thingy (new acc... @WilderThingy
199 Followers 263 Following Took this profile out from the attic while I'm locked out of @wildethingy...
Lilly Hale ♌ @LillyHale1
4K Followers 2K Following Author of the historical romances My Precious Jewel and My Wild Violet. I tend not to be too serious here. https://t.co/gqWT5AoocS
kate Bryan @k8_smallthings6
143 Followers 1K Following Kate Bryan is a hairstylist and beauty influencer + educator.
stephen nojek @happyhoo
6 Followers 1K Following
pug 🌼 @gmeposhpug
3K Followers 1K Following • infp • og gme holder🚀 • 📺 #pugtvrecommendations 🏆🔥: https://t.co/GnYhQKGaA3
Sequel2internet @sequel2internet
17 Followers 81 Following The internet is great! But isn’t it time for a sequel? Let’s build the internet 2 together! Looking for investors and ideas for what features to include.
Stefan The Adequate @StefanNotSteven
2K Followers 3K Following Chemical engineer. Hopeless progressive. Occasional sexual deviant. Beer lover. Do your worst
Callmebrent1975 @callmebrent1975
16 Followers 163 Following Regular dude. Rescue dogs & love movies. Also a great home cook.
Renee @MelsDiner22
128 Followers 118 Following
Grrr @Grrr8r
610 Followers 3K Following Storyteller Space Cadet with a galaxy of tales. Earthling by birthling, Martian by choice. Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. 🛸
Vernon Briscoe Woke B... @VernonBriscoe
823 Followers 2K Following A Remainer (living in the moonlit downlands). Interested in politics, music and comedy. Love all animals. Woke between naps.
Laura Smith @lrs_smith
492 Followers 3K Following Interior Designer, Phoenix Suns fan, recovering English major, etc.
Quiet Storm @stormofquiet
3K Followers 5K Following
Russ @RESEARCHWINEBAR
99 Followers 1K Following
Sam Vanivray @SamVanivray
8K Followers 8K Following Screenwriter, director, actor, producer. Imaginary Danger Productions https://t.co/hE46T1ZI3m
A Ton of Bricks @atonofbricks
312 Followers 1K Following The Second-to-Last Great American Renegade™️©️®️
Danielle Langlois @DanielleLangWa
8K Followers 7K Following Thrilling, smart stories with heart: tribalism, corruption, the unexplained. Call your elected reps! #RankedChoiceVoting 🇺🇸 #DaniellesSocialMediaDisclaimer
Melissa (M²) @ToolGirl18
3K Followers 2K Following Just trying to get through each day. ♑🐐✌️💗🪬🌜 🚫Don't DM me coldly. Ty for your attention on this matter.
Gene Vester Sports Ar... @VesterSportsArt
2K Followers 4K Following I try to make unique items that you cannot find in stores. I love to find old junk and turn it into new artwork. Message me for custom items. Orioles, Capitals
John mundy @john_mundy99679
14 Followers 193 Following
KoKeni Snap'sSquatch @KoKeniSaskqatch
2K Followers 1K Following Nonsensical meanderings of negligible importance. In the words of Positive K ~ I got a man! Snap has my 💖. Crackle and Pop can piss up a rope.
𝔏𝔦𝔷 (not Buf... @S1sterDisco
6K Followers 2K Following Keep Calm and Play #TheWho #NYR #LGM #RAIDERNATION #ARSENAL #CELTIC #BROOKLYN native, exiled in Jer-z. Just leave a message, maybe I'll call...You might like
