dane @jortworm
onto bigger balder things Portland (he/him) Joined December 2017-
Tweets4K
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Followers1K
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Following527
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Likes24K
penis doctor walks into a bar the bartender is a woman how can this be the bartender is a woman
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i was bioengineered in the womb to be uniquely able to clog every toilet i encounter.
I took my penis to the bathroom and I peed it (and I peed it)
don’t trust the “everything in moderation” girlies. They talk a mean game until YOU’RE the one to do a little pee in the bed.
Son, i think your tweets are actually really fire and i think you should keep posting
don’t just leave your valor laying around if you’re not trying to get it stolen
these were invented after a disgusting pervert watched me jack off a little back in 2016. why there was a toy designer in an Arby’s bathroom I could not say.
breaking news: the beat is in fact so big i’m stepping on leprechauns. we’ll be back with more at 11.
when am i supposed to play my immunity idol? I can never remember if it’s before or after I cum… #survivor50
dane retweeted
he’s not exactly your typical clown
rationed my drafts for 6 years. can’t believe they’re all gone
Graduated from the Urinversity of Pissylvania with a degree in Pooponomics and a double minor in Lunch and Recess
gonna name my kid fart and like not even make a big deal about it
vampires only have the cum they were turned with. They get one cum, maybe 1 and a half before they’re cumless forever. i think that finality is what makes the twilight franchise so beautiful. thank you Stephanie
remember 2019 when you could say cum and people would lose their god damn minds, I can’t wait to tell my grandkids about that
coming back to X after a long time away is so weird, i don’t even remember how to X. Xing used to be so easy
i find it easier to walk a mile in my own shoes, but thanks for the offer
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