FirstDraftMom @PeachyParenting
Mom of two boys, ages 1 & 3, tired of just mumbling to myself all day (actually just tired) stay tuned for parenting tips tricks and antics Joined September 2017-
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That moment when you open up Twitter and realize one of your parenting notes started a fight between Luke Skywalker and Captain America
People who wished they would start bleeding: -No one. -No one ever. -Me, period 3 days late.
I've had a prescription for a while that I've barely used because of the horror stories and stigma attached. And I've been suffering. Well.. I finally started taking it as often as the doctor directed and my anxiety has never been so chill. Fuck the stigma. Take care of you.
Me: It’s late, I need to go to sleep. I’m literally exhausted. Also me: *lays in bed on my phone for hours* Me, the next morning: “why am I always so tired??”
I have a degree, am professionally certified, and have a successful career, and yet sometimes shopping AND putting the groceries away seems like way too much to handle Mental illness is a motherfucker
Let’s just pretend my hair is wet from taking a shower and not slicked back because of all the natural oils that have built up from being unwashed for so long
“We should do stuff to each other after the kids go to bed. But before we start watching TV. Also not after 10 because then I’m going to be too tired and I’m just gonna lay there.” -Me, seducing my husband
My kid at home- I want peaches. Wash me an apple. Can I have strawberries. Let's buy cheeries. My kid at the doctor's- Dr: What's your favorite fruit? Kid: potato chips!
My hair is always matted and unwashed, my house is a giant trash can, and I’m always yelling at my kids, so it’s cool how parenthood turned me into Oscar the Grouch
Ugh. Being awake is the worst
Poor buddy got a wicked cut on his finger (dragging a stick out of a wagon). We got it rinsed. We need to clean it out more thoroughly. I'm letting him rest off the trauma while some Ibuprofen kicks in. Anyone have good tricks to keep his mind from the pain when I wash it again?
September: Suicide Prevention Awareness Month Suicide Prevention hotline 1-800-273-8255 Nacional de Prevención del Suicidio 1-888-628-9454 Options for Deaf & Hard of hearing 1-800-799-4889 Veterans Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255 (Txt 838255) Talking with someone can save your life.
I went to go lay down for 20 minutes bc I was feeling overwhelmed. Hubs started dinner. Boys went to playroom. All good, right? 10 minutes later both kids are crying and screaming in my lap. Yep. "Self-care" isn't really a thing in this house.
Does anyone walk their dog first thing in the morning in the same state they rolled out of bed in? Greasy hair, pj's, no bra, soulless eyes, zombie gait. Bc honestly I don't see enough people do this and we need to make this a thing. Pic of sleepy doggo dreaming of walkies.
Now it's 929283 photos of my kids AND dog, all of which are blurry.
Now it's 929283 photos of my kids AND dog, all of which are blurry.
20mo: *grabs cat food from bowl and eats a piece* Me: "No, no. That's kitty's food." *takes it away and looks at cat food label ingredients* Me: "Hmm, it has vegetables and protein." *shrugs* *Pours a bowl for 20mo*
Welcome to parenthood. "Exhausted" is no longer a feeling, it's a personality trait.
My 4yo insisted on picking the music in the car. He chose: LL Cool J, Ice Cube, and Missy Elliot. My preschooler is cooler than I am.
Can't tell if it's a parenting level up or a downgrade, but Blippi is becoming easier to tolerate.
I hope nobody else in this house wanted Oreos because mommy ate them all. Self-care, bitches
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Today is my bday. I went for a massage. Ordered food delivery Japanese lunch. Collected my girl and went to parents for cake and tea. Now Netflix and chillin with myself eating box of chocs. People kept asking what I was planning, I replied “a me day” Highly recommend 💖 x
I thought I’d be a mom that brought pumpkins home to make jack-o-lanterns with. It turns out I’m a mom that brings home pumpkins and leaves them in my trunk til they get squishy and have to go buy more pumpkins.
when my baby finds a small, inedible object on the floor
I just want to sit in my pants and eat tiramisu, drinking hot cups of tea until its an acceptable time to switch to gin #SaturdayThoughts #gin
We're taking our 2yo to a trampoline park for the first time for our niece's 5th birthday party. Can't wait to see who gets hurt first. The anticipation is killing me.
Daddy:are you tired? Toddler: yes D: do you want a nap? T: yes D: are you sure you want a nap? T:yes D: are you really sure you want a nap? T: yes *goes upstairs T: Noooooooooo!
No one laughs or even smiles when I sing “Lord I was born a scramblin’ man” every time I make eggs but that’s the dad life, baby.
Oh it's 1.30pm and sunny and we've forgotten to turn off the TV, get dressed and go out.
Assert your dominance as a 44yo mother of 5 by blasting Snoop Dog in your minivan at @Walmart grocery pickup. Thanks for the name brand Pull-Up substitution upgrade Tyler! 😘
Slept in, made hubby chocolate chip pancakes & hot coffee, & our 2yo sang him happy birthday for the first time 😭 Gonna be a beautiful day 💙
Continually asks for one full night of sleep without a toddler kicking me in the face and stealing my covers. Gets it. Can’t sleep because there’s no toddler kicking me in the face and stealing my covers.
The only problem with having an only child that is 4, is that he just doesn't want to play on his own much, so it's constantly "mama play with me" then I feel guilty when I say no, then feel generally guilty he hasn't got a sibling! But I'm definitely #oneanddone
Kid: I wanna watch Cars again! Me: no *pauses an episode of The Office I have watched 18 times* you literally just watched it yesterday
When you realize it’s 9:13 and your kid has swimming lessons at 9:30.....#momlife #shit #forgotaboutswimming
I slept in until 8 today. Wow...I have not slept in this late in such a long time.
I’ve been wearing the same pants for eight years
Kate Middleton re-wears blue Alexander McQueen coat for fourth time trib.al/imzsA53
-Potty Time with 2- 2: "I have ballerina" Me: What? Where? 2: "my belly has ballerina" Me: That's Anna and Elsa on your shirt honey. 2: "NO. my bum mommy!" Me: ........ 2: *liquid shit-splosion into the potty* Me: you have diarrh.... Aaah Ballerina, got it.
In case you're wondering - #motherhood #momlife
I’m going to have an unexpected 24 hours to myself this weekend! Send me ideas—what should I do with all this time??
me: [robbing a bank] ok everybody hands in the air everyone: [puts hands up] me: [already mad with power] one hop this time
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