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UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

The very unofficial guide to the #UKHeatwave. A parody by @earlofbeverley. See most liked: https://t.co/QgnGW9CYEr Joined July 2018
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HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

2 years ago

Science tells us that heat rises so I reckon giving yourself an ice pop enema should make all the heat escape out of your mouth #UKHeatwave

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

2 years ago

We all know trees help provide shade and cool us down but these days roads, housing estates and HS2 are more fashionable. So why not plant a tree in your rucksack so you can carry shade around with you all day? #Heatwave2022

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

2 years ago

Hot weather can leave you feeling pretty sticky "down there" so I like to wrap my balls in aluminium foil to deflect away the heat #heatwaveuk

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

2 years ago

Feet can get pretty sweaty when walking around in hot weather, so why not buy a couple of large sponges, hollow out the middles and wear them as shoes to soak up your perspiration? #heatwaveuk

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

2 years ago

Having a voluptuous bosom can be a nightmare in hot weather but your troubles can be easily relieved by sticking a Solero under each boob #ukheatwave

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

2 years ago

A bag of frozen peas is a bag full of joyous little green ice cubes. And they'll fit pretty much anywhere! I like to stick a couple in my ears and up my nose. They soon cool down my orifices. Where do you put your peas? #UKheatwave

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

3 years ago

When it's warm outside, I like to keep cool by wearing natural fabrics, like a kimono made from daisy chains, a poncho crafted from bolsa wood, or simply a pair of swimming trunks fashioned out of those spiky conker cases #heatwave #heatwaveuk

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

3 years ago

Butterflies create a lovely little breeze with every beat of their wings so make use of the draught by chasing them around your garden #heatwaveuk

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

3 years ago

I don't know about you but when I'm starting to get a bit sweaty, I like to take a couple of lettuce leaves that I've kept in the freezer and wrap one around each bollock. Perfect for bringing your temperature right down. #heatwave #ukheatwave

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

3 years ago

It's often cooler underground so why not try burying yourself in the garden this weekend? There may not be any WiFi down there though so make sure you download the entire Internet first so you've got something to read. #heatwave #ukheatwave

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

3 years ago

As a mini heatwave hits the UK, people are reminded to keep their pet puffer fish with them at all times. A gentle squeeze around its midriff will make it exhale to provide a nice cool breeze for your face #heatwave #heatwaveuk

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

4 years ago

If you #cantsleep tonight, try laying on top of your covers. There is the risk that it'll be easier for the monster under your bed to whisk you away, but putting a little napkin over each foot should be enough to confuse him #ukheatwave #heatwave

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

4 years ago

If you're one of those people that own a hot tub, why not empty out the warm water and replace it with some nice cold iced tea instead? If it clogs up the insides though, don't send me the bill. I'm just the ideas guy! #heatwave #UKHeatwave

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

4 years ago

Great advice from Greig. Please be advised that from now on, all farts should be performed in the kitchen, thank you #ukheatwave

GreigARJohnson Profile Picture

Greig Johnson @GreigARJohnson

4 years ago

Great advice from Greig. Please be advised that from now on, all farts should be performed in the kitchen, thank you #ukheatwave

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

4 years ago

Please be aware that with this much humidity, your hair may become rather voluminous which can be a hazard if the wind picks up. If you do get carried off somewhere, let's hope it's the Arctic! #UKHeatwave #heatwaveuk

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

4 years ago

For some of you, tonight might be far too humid for any kind of shenanigans. So how about getting stuck in to a choc ice and a game of Boggle instead? #heatwaveuk #UKHeatwave

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

4 years ago

When my fan just seems to be blowing the already hot air into my face, I like to ask one of my snowman friends to stand behind it and launch his icy breath into the fan to cool me down. Obviously I make sure he hasn't been eating fish first! #heatwaveuk #ukheatwave

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

4 years ago

If you're lucky enough to be chilling in the garden, don't forget to stay cool. Ask your partner or housemate to slap you across the forehead with a Magnum every so often. Depending on your background, you'll have thought of either an ice cream or a Champagne bottle #heatwaveuk

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

4 years ago

A bag of frozen peas is a bag full of joyous little green ice cubes. And you can put them anywhere! I like to stick a couple in my ears and a couple up my nose. They soon cool down my orifices. Where do you put your peas? #heatwave #heatwaveuk

HeatwaveUk Profile Picture

UK Heatwave Advice @HeatwaveUk

4 years ago

Need some new clothes that allow your body to breathe? Try making a gown out of cheese plant leaves. They're full of little holes that will provide lots of ventilation for your sweaty bits #heatwave #heatwaveuk

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