Cally Beaton Namaste Motherf**kers podcast 🙏 @callybeaton
At 45, Joan Rivers told me to get into stand-up. So I did. She was 81. Live at the Apollo • QI • Apprentice You’re Fired • Namaste Motherf**kers podcast 🙏🏻 callybeaton.com Camden Town, London Joined December 2014-
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Cally Beaton Namaste Motherf**kers podcast 🙏 retweeted
COMEDY this week Thu 2/5 Try Out Night with @KeithPlatt And on Saturday 4/5, @charmianhughes hosts @callybeaton @Otiz_Cannelloni @QuincyComedian @LouieGreen88 @MDurchov Hope to see you there. Cheaper in advance. Book soon as shows sell out downstairsatthekingshead.com
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Person sitting next to me at airport saw this on my screen so felt compelled to tell him it’s not about me & now he thinks I have loads of pubic hair because why would you even say that?
How was your day at work? I mainly sat under a big-arse picture of myself.
Had a dream last night that I was driving a truck with foot down on accelerator down a blind alley and couldn’t stop. Any ideas?
Away overnight for work so extra security logging onto couple of apps & instead of the usual robot-snuffling squares with traffic lights or bicycles, I had to ‘click on the entity that has a brain’. There were squares with donuts & snowmen & a goat & I thought it’s good there’s…
Loved chatting with @seannwalsh & @TheRealJackDee about Jeff! Here are Seann & Jeff look-a-liking 🐶❤️Listen to the whole chat here: podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/oh-… 🎙️#comedy #dog #podcast
Reunited with my 23 yr old on Friday, sad airport goodbye to my 24 yr old on Monday. Quel beau week-end. Au revoir, Paris. À la prochaine 🇫🇷 ❤️
Just got taste of my own secret language medicine. Bloke holding door open as we were leaving Paris museum & loads of people filed past, last one being me. They were Dutch & his wife said: ‘Ga je daar de hele dag staan terwijl oude trutten voorbij je gaan lopen?’. Are you going…
Cally Beaton Namaste Motherf**kers podcast 🙏 retweeted
COMEDY this week Thu 2/5 Try Out Night with @KeithPlatt And on Saturday 4/5, WINDSOR hosts @callybeaton @Otiz_Cannelloni @QuincyComedian @LouieGreen88 @MDurchov Hope to see you there. Cheaper in advance. Book soon as shows sell out downstairsatthekingshead.com
Went into Paris lingerie shop & a quite fierce old woman in there took one look at me & said non, non, non. Pas pour vous. Rien pour vous. Wonder if that’s how the suffragette movement started. Women didn’t want to burn their bras. They just couldn’t buy any.
Paris toilet graffiti ❤️
24 years ago this little thing came into the world. Now we have matching tattoos. Happy birthday, beautiful girl.
Me & the wonder girl packing light for our weekend away. #paris
No trouble whatsoever swapping me for a bunch of mates while I’m on the road for a few days.
Thank you @AliNelson1805 for this gig-delivered gift! Looking forward to reading it 🙏🏻
Just hosted awards for industry I left to become a comic. Like going on a date with your ex husband watching you. Awks. #bellas24 @royallancaster
Thought was doing well ordering light & healthy before an awards do but now got quinoa stuck in my teeth - more pantomime witch than glorious host.
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422K Followers 2K Following Alter ego's alter ego. Culture war conchie. @britishdrumco. IC/OC: @wehavewayspod. Also: https://t.co/p3Ha7c0R1o! Contact: [email protected]COMEDY this week Thu 2/5 Try Out Night with @KeithPlatt And on Saturday 4/5, @charmianhughes hosts @callybeaton @Otiz_Cannelloni @QuincyComedian @LouieGreen88 @MDurchov Hope to see you there. Cheaper in advance. Book soon as shows sell out downstairsatthekingshead.com
@callybeaton I hope you’re sitting next to them on the plane😂
@callybeaton So far I've stuck a Lamborghini logo to a wheelchair and finished a stupid song.
On change…@callybeaton advises people not think they have to act straight away. Think about what you might want to do. Use a safe space to talk to someone. And start small. #CIPDNIConf24
@callybeaton I quite often have dreams where I'm driving some sort of big vehicle, I'm approaching a corner too fast and can't get round without crashing off the road. It's very Psychology 101 but I always interpret it as I'm trying to do too much and need to slow down a bit.
@callybeaton That's a straight anxiety dream, although, it might be a secret desire to be a truck driver.
@callybeaton You're sick of watching 'Smokey and the Bandit' repeats?
@callybeaton In a queue at the butchers and two Spanish women pushed in front. I said - in Spanish - ‘I’m sorry, I was next’ - and they slunk out of the shop!
@callybeaton On a school exchange at 17 to v rural France, my mate commented that a guy in the local shop was "totally perving us up" He assured us in perfect English and with much disdain at the thought that he wasn't.
@callybeaton Thanks Cally. It all went well. All clear. Love Mike x
I can’t believe I’m able to return to stand-up. Or standing up in general. I’m doing some work-in-progress shows at @sohotheatre from 28 May. There’s an added jeopardy my shows didn’t have before. Maybe I’ll fall over! sohotheatre.com/events/matt-fo…
@callybeaton I now work in retail and do a great line is switching to German when I get a tourist. But to be helpful rather than bitchy. 😉
All good. Home soon. #supportthenhs
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