jason melton, my dude @cooljasonmelton
yeah I can fight the hulk and win //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// other twitters: @cmj69420 @JasonMelton_ jasonmeltoncomedy.com Chicago, IL Joined August 2011-
Tweets6K
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Following383
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Likes14K
root beer friday for real. 6pm CT twitch.tv/jasonmeltontwi…
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Root beer Twitch live stream 6pm CT twitch.tv/jasonmeltontwi…
I’m hopeless. It’s impossible to explain the movie Face/Off to someone who doesn’t know about it.
Root beer Friday stream will be live at 6pm CT twitch.tv/jasonmeltontwi…
This morning god came to me and told me I need to finish all the Oreos in the pack
Does anyone actually use a garbage disposal or is it only a thing for your arm to get obliterated by during a horror movie?
Root beer Friday stream 6pm CT twitch.tv/jasonmeltontwi…
jason melton, my dude retweeted
Whoa. @PasteMagazine suggested my special, out April 9th. You can come to the premier in Chicago. I’ll be lip syncing along. Link in bio!!
jason melton, my dude retweeted
*visiting friends’ apartment for first time* Oh shit, you collect vinyl? *flips through records, it’s all Birdman*
root beer Friday steam 6pm CT twitch.tv/jasonmeltontwi…
Streaming today at 7:30 CT twitch.tv/jasonmeltontwi…
Root beer Friday live stream 6pm CT twitch.tv/jasonmeltontwi…
Praise to Fat Joe. I would have been Big Joe. my fragile ego could not handle being called Fat as a name
Root Beer Friday livestream 6pm CT on twitch twitch.tv/jasonmeltontwi…
A big problem I had with all my male teachers growing up: too much man-splaining. And the female teachers would not shut the hell up! I’ve never had a nb teacher. Pic unrelated
root beer friday ~stream~ 6pm CT, come to me~~ twitch.tv/jasonmeltontwi…
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I did yoga at this place in town and the instructor was showing me how to do one of the poses better and she farted the second she touched me.
Progress where? Conserve what? In what direction and to what extent? Once again, far better to have a severe intellectual disability and a loaded gun than carry these fairy tales around. Namaste. - Leslie
I’m going to host another "Open Dojo" in the young adult section at the library. An open-forum-style, bring-your-own-topic debate with me, Leslie. Any topic is fair game, bring it on, ha ha. - Leslie
I watch the fallout show like a podcast while I do my real job (I just fucking wear freaky ass leather and do gross shit to people)
any girls want to come over and celebrate the Pentecost? i just installed a maypole in my 300sq ft studio aparment. It was easy
The judge said I can see my kids this thanksgiving :)
I would NEVER fuck a popcorn bucket. No matter how much I want to
I haven't had a drink in two weeks and now in the morning I guess I just get up
@cooljasonmelton An intimate look behind the curtain. Intriguing, forbidden even.
Neck check. Post neck below 👇Or be doomed to a bad day.
I'm just happy these two are finally reunited 😢
I relate to The Joker in that I do not shower and am a problem
I love hanging out at the bottom of the climbing wall asking the climbers if they’ve ever seen Free Solo
*annoyed by cat’s constant purring, turns on garbage disposal to try and scare her* *unfazed, cat purrs and licks paws while disposal makes shrill mechanical grinding noises, person cowers on kitchen floor*
@cooljasonmelton Yeah I use it— to read your tweets 😛😛😛
@cooljasonmelton I don't think so. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Eclipse movies. Apocalypto, Verónica, Sister Death, & Ernest Sharted on Mars
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