Corned Beef Hashtag @Spectre41

I’m pregnant, I got a promotion, I’m moving to Alaska, I’m engaged, they’re remaking Three’s Company, my car got towed, I banged an NHL player, I saw a UFO, I hit the lotto, I’ll send a nude to anyone that retweets this Happy April Fools P.S. one of these is true

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God @TheTweetOfGod

8 years ago

"You can succeed if you work hard," say people who succeeded by cheating and getting lucky.

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God @TheTweetOfGod

8 years ago

I'm leaving. Messi, take over.

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Trash Talk NFL @TrashTalkNFL

8 years ago

A picture of Robert Kraft’s prostitute has just been released.

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God @TheTweetOfGod

8 years ago

I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid.

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Saucy Kensington @Book_Krazy

9 years ago

Me: I want to be able to think like a man. Genie: Granted. [5 min later] Genie: So what do you think so far? Me: About what?

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Jude D @heyitsJudeD

8 years ago

Want to really freak your man out? Say 'do you like my new haircut?' when you haven't had one.....

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Corned Beef Hashtag @Spectre41

8 years ago

@mamapojo I'd cum so hard!

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Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP

8 years ago

Hear me out, a help desk for old married men...

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Cats Against Humanity™ @CatsVsHumanity

8 years ago

Words you should use more of in 2019: • cattywampus • humdinger • bunghole • ruckus • cockamamie • grody • malarkey • doozy • asshat • jeepers • buttever • smidge • nincompoop • numbnuts • skedaddle • shwing • dagnabbit • snackages • willy nilly • fuckface