Stuff Tiny Humans Say @tinyhumanssay
teacher of tiny humans | mama of tinier human | sometimes funny | usually eavesdropping | always an ally for equality | definitely need to wash my hair. fb.me/stufftinyhuman… Joined March 2019-
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On today’s episode of, “Reasons My Kid Hates Me”: my 3 year old farted and I couldn’t stop the smell from following her.
The only professions that come with appreciation days are the ones that don’t come with a deserved salary.
Y’all preaching that we need to be more sensitive about the POTUS current health are the same y’all who not even 24 hours ago were disgustingly trolling a celebrity after the tragic loss of her baby. Go away.
A random stranger stopped to tell me that they thought my daughter was very beautiful and that, “boys will line up for her.” But when I said, “Or girls will!” they gave me a gross look and didn’t want to talk about my toddler’s sexuality anymore. Weird.
My coworkers and I write each other notes now because we’re not allowed to interact and mix our classroom cohorts. It’s been fun but I really hope the kids don’t catch us and make us read them in front of everyone.
My 2 year old says, “Thank you, train!” every time the subway doors open for us to get on/off and it is exactly the smile my heart needs to keep going everyday. This pandemic has brought out the worst in people, but kids are so pure, man. We really should listen to them more.
Taking off your mask is the 2020 version of taking off your bra.
First week of in-person teaching done and all I can tell you is that I’m exhausted and kids are resilient af.
“School is better on Zoom because you can fart whenever you want and no one can smell it”. -A Glass-Half-Full 5 Year Old
Can we all agree that this “new normal” also includes pj’s in public, unwashed hair and afternoon cocktails? Really looking to avoid any awkwardness going into work next week.
A good way to ruin a toddler’s morning is to give them everything they ask for.
“wHaT diD hE dO tHo?” “iF hE jUsT LiStEnEd..” HE👏WAS👏UNARMED. COPS👏ARE👏NOT👏EXECUTIONERS. This isn’t even a discussion. #BlackLivesMatter
Remember, the teachers you are insulting for having concerns about returning to the classroom are the same teachers who would take a bullet for your child in the event of an active shooter. We would do anything for your kids. That’s literally the foundation of our concerns.
Y’all need to mask up so we can get back to work before conspiracy theories become the next pandemic.
I don’t know who needs to see this but, wearing a mask is not related to child trafficking.
A downside to intermittent fasting is that every night at 7:55 I chug a bottle of wine bc I can’t eat past 8 but feel that I deserve to be compensated fairly for my stressful day of COVID parenting. Does this defeat the purpose? Probs don’t care, but still. #fitmom
Today, a bee stung my finger infront of my toddler. It’s been 6hrs & she’s still taking play-breaks to kiss it better. Motherhood can often make you feel like such a failure. But sometimes you get a moment & you realise you’re actually doing pretty great. I got a moment.
Today at the park, a kid ripped a branch off of a tree and began to eat the leaves. The woman sitting beside me casually looked up from her book and said, “My kid is so fucking weird”. We’re friends now.
Last night putting my toddler to bed, she cupped a feel and sang, “Dance! Dance! Dance!” as she shook my breast. Does this mean we watch too much @RuPaulsDragRace or just the right amount?
Toddlers will have you questioning all of your life choices during bedtime routine to suddenly melting you with an all-consuming love the second they fall asleep. Little shits.
🖤 Just Heather �... @weedswildflowrs
10K Followers 3K Following Just an #AuDHD witchy mom. #LGBTQ #bi and ally. Disabled and #scoliosisstrong This is a safe space. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Mama Bird @Mamabird1519
2K Followers 951 Following Mostly quotes from my kids because I am too sleep deprived to remember them myself https://t.co/AcWrCAm5x0
smartass_moms @smartass_moms
8K Followers 3K Following ||MOM🌙|| MARRIED💍|| EMPATH🌿|| COMEDY🍕|| Sarcasm is my love language. New Englander 🐿️
Amom @anxiouscougar
5K Followers 4K Following Just a mom. Been mommin a long effin time. Left of center in a red town. Parenting and politics. Sorry not sorry.
Mama Bear of 6 @LadyWho1992
3K Followers 3K Following Mom of 6, president of the “Too Young for This Shit” club, DV Survivor, advocate for mmj (down with narcotics!), Winchester at heart, and daily crafter of yarn.
Momma D 🇨🇦 @MommaD_x4
3K Followers 865 Following Married, SAHM of 4, 💙💙💙🩷. Diapering aficionado, Facilitator of snacks, Human Kleenex, Cuddler extraordinaire, & Occasionally funny. I need a nap. She/Her
Your Mom @modernmomese
12K Followers 10K Following 30| - Once went viral over a tweet about waffles. Just a mom with a crazy life & beautiful family.
c🏳️🌈 @rn_er_c
5K Followers 3K Following “godless degenerate” • i ♥️🪴 • aggressively pro-choice • definitely always tired • healthcare is a human right • fuck cancer • 🌈
sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy
51K Followers 6K Following Gen Xer with opinions, observations, and a sense of humor. Loves animals more than most people. LA 📍
Anxious Mediocre Mom @EA_Gardner
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Sweet Momissa @sweetmomissa
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RLou72 🇨🇦 @keepitrealmom
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Kathleen @sweatsntopknots
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Libby @Nq5k381Zx0u1f
32 Followers 1K Following Confidence is not “they will like me.” Confidence is “I’ll be fine if they don’t.”
Melanie Tucker @SleedosonHXM
44 Followers 2K Following Genius is an infinite capacity for taking pains.
Thoughez @Thoughez354364
4 Followers 135 Following
Paul Ciaravolo @paul_ciaravolo
6 Followers 260 Following
Rex Mundi @dro_cruz
70 Followers 693 Following Visionary. Occasional artist. Insatiable intellectual sponge. Social awkwardness ace w/yrs of experience. Hobbies: being a Socratic gadfly & massive perturber.
nicole jagos @nicole_jagos
0 Followers 9 Following
Jennifer @Jennifer22609
0 Followers 462 Following
Brian O'Shea @bwoshea
404 Followers 1K Following Dad. Astrophysicist. Computational scientist. Teacher. I occasionally go outdoors.
Wendy 🪦➖ @bellacheesehead
45 Followers 430 Following
Mel J 🏳️🌈�... @meljackson84
206 Followers 2K Following Genderqueer, Bisexual Heathen (she/her) who loves singing & music of all kinds, my friends, my family, my fabulous kid 🖌️🎨 and my fuzball Mazikeen 😈🐶
Flosspherous @flosspherous
11 Followers 725 Following
Marindakolev 🇿🇦 @MarindaKoleva
57 Followers 209 Following Technical writer. Saturated with words. No to war
Amanda Price @CrazySkamaniac
2 Followers 25 Following
Danielle Philipson @daninp565
63 Followers 143 Following
Liiss Sandy @LiissSandy1
6 Followers 27 Following Pretty pretty words can make me feel on top of the world, but I need someone to SHOW ME they gone hold me down. Not entertain hoes instead.
Laurel 🍫🍾 @sozzy79
555 Followers 1K Following Mama to twin boys Oliver and Alexander. Have been known to listen to Bruce Springsteen and support the Sydney Swans. And before kids I used to love indie films
Senthil @senthilrajav
135 Followers 1K Following MLOps Platform Solutions Architect (Independent Contractor)
Tessa @tessa121s
438 Followers 5K Following Gage...my golden born, Gryphon, born my sacredness. These are the 2 beating in my ❤ heart.
Michelle “Shelly”... @mntnewsgurl
495 Followers 886 Following Editor, writer, storyteller ✏️ | EIC @theazinsider | Views are my own
CAROL*Just Enjoying L... @CAROLAL97
426 Followers 2K Following Mom of Daughters 👭👭- Angel Mom 😇/Grandma / Loving and Living Life to the fullest 🦋 / Traveler / Gardener/ Jesus Lover💟
balla leigh @BallaLeigh
97 Followers 3K Following hi guys please we need help here with my family to have food please we needs your support 🙏🙏🙏🙏
All Mommed Out @chaosandkids
533 Followers 699 Following adventures with my mom! #LiveAGREATSTORY, Wife, working mom, #HockeyMom, raising my boy to not be an asshole. #teenagerssuck, she’s a sasshole.
Stacey Rodriguez @TheSoccer_Mom
16K Followers 13K Following WV-born, TX-living mama of 3 sharing positive life inspiration for families. https://t.co/By4tXJUjXS | https://t.co/hhE2ByNJP5
Sweet Smart Sexy @SweetSmartSexy1
144 Followers 722 Following A community of likeminded women #empowering each other to be the best version of themselves. #womenempowerment #selflove #sweetsmartsexy #sss
Moms-night-out @MommyWorld3
380 Followers 678 Following Our children are blessings! We gotta stick together!
Kaitlyn Elizabeth @sassykaitlyn
317 Followers 498 Following She/They Lesbian,Genderfluid. Be amazing and you are valid. HRT date: 3/28/2023
The Fishpants @thefishpants
3K Followers 4K Following 𝕺𝖇𝖘𝖈𝖚𝖗𝖊 𝕽𝖊𝖋𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖘, 𝕱𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝕵𝖔𝖐𝖊𝖘, 𝕾𝖜𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖘*😆🤓🤬 *ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒᶜᶜᵃˢᶦᵒⁿᵃˡ ˢᵘʳᵖʳᶦˢᵉ ᵖᵉⁿᶦˢ Join me on Bluesky @thefishpants.bsky.social
~ Hannah ~ @newbieHannah
379 Followers 596 Following
Skibeat7 @Skibeat7
510 Followers 2K Following Overwhelmed Mom of 2. Liberal New Yorker. Tennis & Yankees fan. Just here hoping people can make me smile. #Blacklivesmatter #resist #AutismMom End gun violence
Daddin’ Ain’t Eas... @daddinaintEZ
536 Followers 1K Following Father of two vs. weight gain and the world. #workingdad #dadlife #parenting #dadjokes
Momchanical Engineer @momchanical
297 Followers 332 Following Mom. Wife. Mechanical Engineer. Snack bitch. Just a lady with 2 boys attempting to survive through toddlerisms and work. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Catey | OliveJuice @olivejuice365
627 Followers 613 Following Mama ⁴ 👦🏻👦🏼👧🏻👧🏽//LMSW🗣//Parenthood and Lifestyle Blogger 👩💻
JK Legaspi @jhokris_argel
199 Followers 349 Following Pinay 🇵🇭 SAHM to 3 adorable little kids. Mom blogger and an aspiring novelist. Owner of @empoweredmah
brayne wady @tell3dmonds
772 Followers 2K Following My house is dirty enough to be lived in, but clean enough that nothing will kill you. 🇨🇦 #sarcastic 🤷♀️ #wordnerd 🤓 #momlife 💕 #epilepsy 🧠
dad_on_arrival_offici... @dad_arrival
12 Followers 68 Following Dad hacks, legit laughs and how to not die while raising a small human. All without losing yourself along the way. Website live Father’s Day.
ViralDads @viraldads
1K Followers 938 Following Hi hungry, we're @ViralDads. #TellDadJokesDontBeADadJoke by @thisamericadad 70k+ Followers on IG ⤵️
Candy @Mi55Candy
15 Followers 188 Following Artists, creator,book lover, teacher, spiritual, studying development theories .interests include clinical psychology and psychedelics
Momz.... @mamabear_momz
116 Followers 194 Following Family politics food and humor will always be interesting. My one year old beats them all helping me age 3× faster.
Kind Of An A-Hole Dad @DadisAnAHole
141 Followers 330 Following These are my misadventures in being a father, a husband, an asshole, and an anarchist (the good kind, that actually believes in property rights)
Anna @AnnaDoesntWant2
3K Followers 2K Following I say things ✨NYC mom✨writer @mcsweeneys @slackjawhumor @huffpost @the_belladonnas @scarymommy @littleoldlady__ @ummuddy @havencomedy @frazzledhumor
Simiron Langston @_simiron23_
74 Followers 117 Following
Amelia Davidson @AmeliaDavid24
368 Followers 2K Following Shine Like a Star. Like stars are to the sky, so are the children to our world. They deserve to shine!
Five Marigolds @FiveMarigolds
7K Followers 7K Following Photography, design, and DIY enthusiast. Mom, wife, and Chicago (land) blogger at Five Marigolds.
🖤 Just Heather �... @weedswildflowrs
10K Followers 3K Following Just an #AuDHD witchy mom. #LGBTQ #bi and ally. Disabled and #scoliosisstrong This is a safe space. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Marcy G @BunAndLeggings
47K Followers 2K Following parenthood is like a box of chocolates... it's expensive
TwinzerDad @TwinzerDad
9K Followers 3K Following Just a Yinzer completely unqualified to raise Twinzers.
Unexpected SAHM @UnexpectedSAHM
7K Followers 1K Following overeducated punk rock princess turned volvo-driving soccer mom // now on mastodon: @[email protected]
FeralTherapist (she/h... @IMomalogues
5K Followers 1K Following Mostly parenting & therapy humor with a sprinkling of polyamorous snark & exvangelical musings. Nonbinary, gray ace, arospec
erika tucker @beetsonbikes
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Mama Bird @Mamabird1519
2K Followers 951 Following Mostly quotes from my kids because I am too sleep deprived to remember them myself https://t.co/AcWrCAm5x0
smartass_moms @smartass_moms
8K Followers 3K Following ||MOM🌙|| MARRIED💍|| EMPATH🌿|| COMEDY🍕|| Sarcasm is my love language. New Englander 🐿️
The Dad @thedad
130K Followers 530 Following Welcome to the club. 🔥 https://t.co/E3irT7D7mM 🏆 https://t.co/EFPhC0SEeE 🎮 @thedadgaming
Amom @anxiouscougar
5K Followers 4K Following Just a mom. Been mommin a long effin time. Left of center in a red town. Parenting and politics. Sorry not sorry.
Emily Chibwana @emilychibwana
7K Followers 3K Following Neurospicy mum of 5. #kidlit creator (art and words). Seeking human connection and anything that makes me laugh. Rep'd by @liznealon @greatdoglit
Ohio mom of two 🏳�... @OhioMomoftwo
6K Followers 1K Following Mom, wife, teacher, democrat...PRO-CHOICE, pro-gun reform, and pro-vaccine #momsquad. Don't try to sell me stuff.
Goldfish and Chicken ... @gfishandnuggets
10K Followers 985 Following Mom of 2 kiddos. Realtor. Writer and Tweeter for fun. Seen in HuffPost and Scary Mommy. https://t.co/XIt1l0BX3O
threetimedaddy @threetimedaddy
14K Followers 2K Following
The Real Rodney Lacro... @RealRodLacroix
45K Followers 8K Following Disappointing people since 1968. | EVERYTHING: https://t.co/JN2RmmLu5i | Latest Tweets: https://t.co/F2vUtf3nx6
Snarky Mommy @SnarkyMommy78
36K Followers 2K Following venting snarkily about motherhood and raging angrily about the current president
ADHDean @ADHDeanASL
20K Followers 4K Following BLACK LIVES MATTER. Husband, dad, friend. Ally. ASL Interpreter. Doofus. Midvale School for the Gifted alum. Mastodon: [email protected]
Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer
73K Followers 8K Following divorce lawyer | mom to a bazillion kids | https://t.co/0FDtG6xK4t | please send all dms to @funderlaw | https://t.co/t7dCbYmwgu
Mama Bear of 6 @LadyWho1992
3K Followers 3K Following Mom of 6, president of the “Too Young for This Shit” club, DV Survivor, advocate for mmj (down with narcotics!), Winchester at heart, and daily crafter of yarn.
Momma D 🇨🇦 @MommaD_x4
3K Followers 865 Following Married, SAHM of 4, 💙💙💙🩷. Diapering aficionado, Facilitator of snacks, Human Kleenex, Cuddler extraordinaire, & Occasionally funny. I need a nap. She/Her
The Fishpants @thefishpants
3K Followers 4K Following 𝕺𝖇𝖘𝖈𝖚𝖗𝖊 𝕽𝖊𝖋𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖘, 𝕱𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝕵𝖔𝖐𝖊𝖘, 𝕾𝖜𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖘*😆🤓🤬 *ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒᶜᶜᵃˢᶦᵒⁿᵃˡ ˢᵘʳᵖʳᶦˢᵉ ᵖᵉⁿᶦˢ Join me on Bluesky @thefishpants.bsky.social
Catey | OliveJuice @olivejuice365
627 Followers 613 Following Mama ⁴ 👦🏻👦🏼👧🏻👧🏽//LMSW🗣//Parenthood and Lifestyle Blogger 👩💻
The Hack Dad @TheHackDad
681 Followers 2K Following Father, Husband, Maker of things, Grower of Food, Saver of Money. Sticking stuff on YouTube for fun.
Hipster Wife🌱 @Hipster_wife_
2K Followers 2K Following Mom. Ginger. Gamer. Plant Enthusiast 🌱 Anxiety ridden but masking with humor. General badass. Medical marijuana patient and advocate. Oh and I Vape 💨🎩😏💚
Mom, but not your mom @aolow0890
668 Followers 1K Following mom of all girls. happily married. No DMs please.
Daddin’ Ain’t Eas... @daddinaintEZ
536 Followers 1K Following Father of two vs. weight gain and the world. #workingdad #dadlife #parenting #dadjokes
TheNonPerfectMom™�... @NonPerfectMom
459 Followers 2K Following Smile, compliment, & crack people up as often as possible. IG:NonPerfectMom👻Sabrinalt7
Dad of three @epicdadlife
449 Followers 578 Following When life gives you three kids you make lemonade, very hard lemonade.
Broomstick_Mama 🏳�... @BroomstickMama
266 Followers 282 Following She/They Feed kids. Clothe kids. Yell. Repeat. Dishes. Laundry. Cuss. Repeat.💗💜💙 Brood: 3yo girl + 6yo boy
Moms-night-out @MommyWorld3
380 Followers 678 Following Our children are blessings! We gotta stick together!
Mom, Ruiner of Fun @aretheyallyours
198 Followers 104 Following Mom to five kids. I drink coffee and watch the hilarity unfold. When I’m not trying to get kids to eat vegetables I blog at https://t.co/NMrd32quwp
TwinsMcGasMum @gas_mum
232 Followers 522 Following mom of twins, scientist. Back to the Italian village after 10 years around the world...not adjusting well😢. twitter friends are NOW my international community
Necessity Is A Mask-W... @necessityisamom
427 Followers 229 Following Sarcastic, socially anxious, nerdy mom of 5 | ASD mom |
Skibeat7 @Skibeat7
510 Followers 2K Following Overwhelmed Mom of 2. Liberal New Yorker. Tennis & Yankees fan. Just here hoping people can make me smile. #Blacklivesmatter #resist #AutismMom End gun violence
All Mommed Out @chaosandkids
533 Followers 699 Following adventures with my mom! #LiveAGREATSTORY, Wife, working mom, #HockeyMom, raising my boy to not be an asshole. #teenagerssuck, she’s a sasshole.
Kaitlyn Elizabeth @sassykaitlyn
317 Followers 498 Following She/They Lesbian,Genderfluid. Be amazing and you are valid. HRT date: 3/28/2023
“Idle” Scrivner @idlescrivner
836 Followers 996 Following I have no idea what is going on because I live under a potato. she/her. views are my own
Cristina @sendhelpformom
681 Followers 811 Following American/Brit making her way in the UK🇬🇧. According to people on twitter all my views are wrong.
Momchanical Engineer @momchanical
297 Followers 332 Following Mom. Wife. Mechanical Engineer. Snack bitch. Just a lady with 2 boys attempting to survive through toddlerisms and work. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Crap, Mom @crapidoallday
447 Followers 597 Following Stay at home mom of two young boys. I’d write something funny, but I’m too tired.
~ Hannah ~ @newbieHannah
379 Followers 596 Following
dad_on_arrival_offici... @dad_arrival
12 Followers 68 Following Dad hacks, legit laughs and how to not die while raising a small human. All without losing yourself along the way. Website live Father’s Day.
💋𝓣𝓸𝓸 𝓶... @cbink_liltx
62K Followers 5K Following Surviving on Coffee. My Links https://t.co/tBBEUXx6Xc
kmoney ꨄ @s4ntanawrld
962 Followers 349 Following
AstroGirl 🌜💨✨ @RachieRach429
286K Followers 2K Following •star gazer✨autism mom 💙dogs😍football🏈• bb obsession🏠•420💚 •subscribe 18+👀🚨
Nadine Antoinette �... @Lilblack_heart
121K Followers 2K Following Writer of thrillers, horror and suspense. My debut novel, The Day I Died Again, coming October 13, 2026. The Sins We Buried, coming February 2027. 📚🔪
Fuck it all, Love Mol... @mistrustme1
106K Followers 13K Following Patron Saint of Sluts & Whores - feminist AF @jennslowpez is my love https://t.co/dTkdnBru8i
Lucky A ⭐️ @sunsetgirl64
41K Followers 8K Following former troublemaker trapped inside a professional nerd
Lottie-pop 🍭 @Lottie_Poppie
37K Followers 3K Following Tattooed mum & coffee enthusiast. Living life from one snack to the next.
Kind Of An A-Hole Dad @DadisAnAHole
141 Followers 330 Following These are my misadventures in being a father, a husband, an asshole, and an anarchist (the good kind, that actually believes in property rights)
Kris @Kaptain_Krispie
17K Followers 15K Following Headstrong and driven. Fascinated by talent and The Arts. Usually plays nice. 🙏💙I support Israel💙🙏
momwithaboysname @momwithaboysna1
716 Followers 56 Following • Preston • Wife & SAHM to three kids four & under Mommy meme maker ➡️ Follow https://t.co/N9MtH7JIWR
Arianna Bradford @thearibradford
12K Followers 769 Following ADHD Coach. Podcast host at @isayitsuckspod. Amateur herbalist + author of SHAME ON YOU: Big Truths from a Bad Mom. More at the link.
Dad and Disorderly @dadanddisorderl
505 Followers 176 Following Twin Dad making Dad Jokes while hiding in the bathroom.
your other mom @difficultpatty
41K Followers 938 Following Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here. https://t.co/sVPCoTC4Pw
Rhyming Mama @sarabellab123
11K Followers 2K Following I love you but... 🤪 Seen on @huffpost @todayparents @buzzfeedparents and more! Follow me on IG @sarabellab123 Find all my tweets at the link ⬇️
MomOf1AndDone @momof1anddone_
3K Followers 318 Following Mom of one and done who makes memes, is more salty than not, and frequently forgets that I have a Twitter account...maybe you should follow me on Insta instead?
thequestionablemom @questionablem0m
1K Followers 52 Following I lost my patience when I lost my bladder control, a mom memoir
✦ Manifestation Mot... @momswhomanifest
2K Followers 397 Following Manifestation & mindset mastery for tired AF women 🧠✨ 🔥 Calm the chaos 💸 Design income + independence 📔 Grab your guide to manifest like a mother
Raw Motherhood @MetteAngerhofer
7K Followers 2K Following Slightly frazzled mother of three. Writer. Not a domestic goddess. Find me on Instagram: https://t.co/WkCmZXMf6U
The Spicy Disaster Ma... @spicydisasterma
2K Followers 202 Following just a spicy bitch tweeting the good the bad & the ugly ~ wiping asses since 2016 ~ raccoon whisperer









