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VAN @RightHandVAN

Wherever you go, there you are. Joined October 2011
  • Tweets
    2K
  • Followers
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  • Following
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VAN @RightHandVAN

9 hours ago

Yo @NYTConnections wild for this. What say you, @nytimes ? #Connections #nytgames

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VAN @RightHandVAN

5 days ago

Person: Your Honor, since we need to provide the media with scenes from inside the courtroom, should I hire a photographer to take a few photos during the trial? Judge: Naw. Just get someone who can draw really fast. #TrumpTrial #HushMoneyTrial #StormyDaniels

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VAN @RightHandVAN

a week ago

Wanna know why I hate April 20th? I've been to 3 stores so far and I can't find a bag of Funyuns anywhere! Hey @TheRealFunyuns maybe plan ahead next time and make more. #420day

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VAN @RightHandVAN

3 weeks ago

Science lady on the news said that men with kind eyes and abnormally large penises have been strangely affected by the #Eclipse2024 and as a result may find themselves no longer able to use profanity. Sounds like a dang a crock of poo to me.

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VAN @RightHandVAN

a month ago

Diddy didn't do da dirty deed or did he? #diddy #puffdaddy

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VAN @RightHandVAN

2 months ago

I don't eat much cereal so I feel like I'm missing out on these #Kelloggs clearance prices. Could y'all do me a favor and #boycott DiGiorno next? Thanks!

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VAN @RightHandVAN

2 months ago

I'll never understand why ppl jump on Twitter to ask "is facebook down for anyone else or is it just me" when they can just search the hashtag that they added to their own tweet and see that it's not just them. Omg #facebookdown

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VAN @RightHandVAN

2 months ago

What kinda bullshit awards show was that? I knew something was up when they had only given out like 3 awards in the first hour. Lame. #PeoplesChoiceAwards

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VAN @RightHandVAN

3 months ago

I love how @DoorDash be like: "Save $5 on this order by signing up for our $10 membership!" Yeah, not quite sure "spend $10 to save $5" is a very good offer. Thanks tho. #doordash #food

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VAN @RightHandVAN

3 months ago

Hey @amazon! If I already have a payment scheduled that meets or exceeds the minimum amount due, you don't have to send me payment reminder alerts every day leading up to the due date. Fix that shh.

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VAN @RightHandVAN

4 months ago

Names Least Likely to Be on #EpsteinClientList: 🔸️Mr. Bean 🔸️Cast of Cheers except for Frasier 🔸️Dr. Fauci 🔸️Michael Jackson 🔸️ The kid who plays Young Sheldon 🔸️Richard Simmons 🔸️Jimmy Carter 🔸️Melissa McCarthy 🔸️Drake. Wait, no... Keanu Reeves 🔸️Don Knotts

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VAN @RightHandVAN

4 months ago

Yay sports! #BAMAvsMICH

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VAN @RightHandVAN

4 months ago

People need to stop prematurely celebrating the #Colorado Trump ballot decision. As much as I would love for it to stick and to see other states follow suit, the #SCOTUS will reverse this decision. Guaranteed.

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VAN @RightHandVAN

5 months ago

What's the deal with #Christmas wreaths? Like, who came up with the idea to wrap a circular life preserver with bushes and fruit and hang it on the outside of a door in December?

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VAN @RightHandVAN

5 months ago

I'm just saying the @Dodgers coulda had me for like $25M and then used the leftovers to re-do the bathrooms or something, but noooo.

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VAN @RightHandVAN

5 months ago

I havent seen anyone mention this joke-in-a-joke from the #GTA6 trailer. Forehead tattoo reads IMPENITENT which means "having no regrets" BUT it has been misspelled as IMPENTINENT so its a nod to the NO RAGRETS tattoo guy from We're the Millers. Well done, @RockstarGames 🤣

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VAN @RightHandVAN

5 months ago

It's time for your annual reminder that #DIEHARD is NOT #ACHRISTMASSTORY! Die Hard is about a cop fighting a group of thieves in a skyscraper, whereas A Christmas Story is about a little boy who yearns for a BB gun. I'm not sure why there's so much confusion every year.

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VAN @RightHandVAN

5 months ago

Did y'all see Maria Shriver on CNN? She looks like a jack-o-lantern that was left on the porch until Christmas. Holy crap.

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VAN @RightHandVAN

5 months ago

Watch Jimmy spring out of his bed like Grandpa Joe when Charlie found Willy Wonkas golden ticket... "Woohoo! Single at last! Bring on the booze and the b*tches!" #RosalynnCarter

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VAN @RightHandVAN

6 months ago

I guess Matthew Perry wasn't a very good Schwimmer. Shut up! I make jokes to cope with tragedy!

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