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Tweets2K
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Followers106
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Following484
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Likes1K
What are your Top 38 Yo La Tengo of December 2023? What 83 Yo La Tengo albums are you looking forward to in 2024?
Twitter be like: In hindsight, Don Draper wasn’t always a perfect gentlemen.
Everyone is forgetting the Dr. Spaceman “opposite” line. But that takes a large portion of the episode for the punchline to appear.
Clearly the best line in 30 Rock is “I don’t know the words except Park Bench”
Nothing makes me feel more valued as a customer than when a company sends me an automated email that begins with “Dear Valued Customer”
Some #jeopardy is trending thought I’d share a satirical article I wrote about it a couple of years ago. I would also like to note I was pretty close with the Ryan Seacrest part. Just got the wrong show. ghalanwrites.com/2021/02/16/thi…
There are people that don’t own physical copies of his albums and listen to Elliott Smith on Spotify instead?
There are people that don’t own physical copies of his albums and listen to Elliott Smith on Spotify instead?
Just once I’d like to see when a character has an inner monologue in a tv show or movie for their voice to sound like what they hear and not what everyone else hears.
Swords are dumb.
What opinion about swords will have you like this?
It seems like a YouTube’s algorithm is just playing songs I’ve already searched for and listened to,
Every time I see a doctor or judge character in Young and the Restless I think “man, @hodgman would be perfect for this part.” And I am correct.
I don’t know who needs to hear this but the people who write “I don’t know who needs to hear this” should realize that others are READING what they type…with their eyes…that they see with.
Vida @vida27valentin
140 Followers 3K Following
Chad Riddle @chad_riddl23747
116 Followers 3K Following
Cathy @cathy41dennis
299 Followers 3K Following
Charlene @charlene_sagers
199 Followers 3K Following
Judy Armstrong @JudyArmstr9100
97 Followers 3K Following
Yara Scallon @YScallon67374
53 Followers 5K Following
McBinepe @MBinepe59063
144 Followers 4K Following
Smethey @Smethey121240
25 Followers 1K Following
Nicolette @Nicolette213594
93 Followers 3K Following
Hallmark Enthusiast�.. @PinkSunsetxo
1K Followers 1K Following I LOVE Hallmark movies & am OBSESSED w/ Christmas & love sharing Hallmark news/Christmas news on my page. I own over 400 Hallmark movies on DVD🎄🎅🌟❤
MechanicalStove self-.. @MechanicalStove
74 Followers 493 Following MDNI DMs open. 18+ content. rter of pone. 27 M.
Val Bodurtha @valbparker
674 Followers 1K Following Comic and writer, @McSweeneys @the_belladonnas and @AFIFest | (boh-der-thah) - Welsh for “you should change your name”
Weekly Humorist @WeeklyHumorist
9K Followers 7K Following The Humor Magazine. The Standard In American Immaturity. Editor-in-Chief @MartyDundics @TheWebbyAwards Nominated 🏆Buy print or digital issues, subscribe today!
Caroline Westbrook @c_r_westbrook
1K Followers 4K Following Author-in-training of Troublemaker, a dark comedy thriller with a romantic twist coming soon from @vulpine_press. Quite good at pub quizzes, apparently.
Sam Spero @SRSpero
2K Followers 1K Following Comedy @ IAG, Sports Contrib @TheOnion, Headline Contrib at @ClickHole & @Reductress, pubbed by @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys & more. Really want a samurai sword.
Annie Balambao @anniegraham57
1K Followers 3K Following #🟦🟧🐈🐕 Your average aging American Womyn, fluent in sarcasm, a bit left leaning, cares about humanity. NO DMs. I follow people who make me laugh!
Heather on the hill @JitterbugPerf
250 Followers 744 Following Hi. It's @Jitterbug212. I seem to be here now. She/Her/They/Miss/Mr/Ms
Rob Graham @Spidey004
1K Followers 856 Following Am I strong? Listen, bud. I have radioactive blood. So, no. I'm quite weak and sick. (He/Him)
Anonymous Eponymous �.. @MarkEverson11
3K Followers 4K Following Chief Sarcasm Architect at Retired; Pro-Democracy; -Science; Blues/Swing/Fusion Dancer; Card, Computer Gamer; Married 'n' spawned; No DMs https://t.co/vvtKUnCnGy
will.math.for.shows @ShowsWill
402 Followers 2K Following (she/her) DIY punk & hxc fan. Physics teacher w/ chem & bio lens. Run / trailrun / backpack. Live shows are life.
Gaylen Stokes @GaylenStokes
501 Followers 4K Following Just a guy from the Midwest trying to figure out (my) life, one day at a time. 🌈☯️☮️⚛️⭐💚
The Nerdy Bookarazzi @NBookarazzi
2K Followers 3K Following 🤓Book enthusiast by day..... & Night🤓 Book Review 📚 | Podcast🎙️| Author Interviews 👨🏫👩🏫| Short Stories 📝 account managed by @meenuannadurai
JeopardyBlindGuesser @JeopardyGuesser
15K Followers 11K Following Jeopardy Loving Family Who Blind Guess the Final Jeopardy Question Based on the Category Alone - Come Guess With Us #BlindGuess #Jeopardy OUR ONLY ACCOUNT
Screamie Birds Studio.. @ScreamieBirds
3K Followers 2K Following Songwriter, Music Producer, Member of ASCAP
Emma Claire @echedges
36 Followers 141 Following I write, doodle, bake, watch a lot of TV, and care a little too much about Christmas.
Sara Barnett Bruckman.. @SaraBee418
113 Followers 709 Following Reformed political junkie. Secret passion to be a traffic reporter. #mubb fan!
m410ne @m410ne
299 Followers 2K Following at ... #Everton; ………. #arch #politics #social elsewhere. I don't tweet much.
To Sleep Perchance @steveschwalbe
678 Followers 1K Following Freelance anesthesiologist Old enough to remember Halothane. Ex chemical engineer
Ghostly International @ghostly
114K Followers 77K Following Ghostly. Of Art + Artifice since 1999. Record label.
Zoey @Zoeyfrom1998
125 Followers 1K Following
Nicholas Nyhof @nicholasnyhof
195 Followers 793 Following Creative Producer & storyteller 🎬 | MFA Columbia University 🎓 | Award-winning TIDAL 🏆 | Passionate about captivating audiences & forging connections 💫
Mrs claus @santababyxoxoxo
161 Followers 189 Following Housewife. The best part of my day is chatting to Rudolph
Caitlin Roberts @Caitlin66562783
66 Followers 1K Following I’m just here for😱 sex from a white boy with mommy issues. My WhatsApp +1(901)591-0449
Warm Hearts Christmas @WarmHeartsXmas
427 Followers 1K Following Warm Hearts Christmas Campaign Marketing & Media Manager. Leading the journey to get our Christmas single Warm Hearts into the charts in 2019.
Ahmad Sami @agletterman
70K Followers 57K Following I love writing and reading. Scrap that. I am addicted to reading and writing🤣 . . And please stay safe in these trying times. We can only do it together💪🏋️
Harlton Empire Elf @HarltonEmpElf
59 Followers 185 Following @harltonempire's holiday helper elf! Posting only Christmas & Holiday content. Christmas movie premieres, interviews, news etc.
Charles C Brooks @CharlesCBrooks
902 Followers 2K Following Prime Film Ventures, Inc. CEO, SAG-AFTRA Actor, Producer, Screenwriter, Singer, Talent Manager, Epic Storyteller, and World’s Greatest Christmas Movies Fan
Michael May 🦇 @michaelmaycomix
2K Followers 1K Following Podcasts at @afterlunchpod, @Hellbent4Letter, @crestwoodpod, and more. There is no them; there's only us.
Pax is my Name @paxtonholley
2K Followers 2K Following Co-host of the podcasts @CFCPod, @Hellbent4Letter, @IReadMoviesPod and @CrestwoodPod. Black Star Ninja. Shark expert. Ravenclaw. Bad ass. @AuburnU grad.
Christmas Songs, Gree.. @Christmasfans
212 Followers 769 Following #ChristmasSongs inside 🎁 Merry #Christmas #ChristmasCards #ChristmasPics & #ChristmasClips 🥂Listen 2 ultimate #Xmas Listen to our Spotify Playlist!
A Cozy Christmas Podc.. @CozyXmasPod
998 Followers 151 Following We are a year round Christmas podcast that celebrates the cozy side of the best holiday ever through stories, memories, & more! https://t.co/Soxyy1lg2q
We’re So Xmas @weresoxmas
560 Followers 479 Following A podcast about movies, products & gifts. If it's Christmas, Heather & Cliff are all about it!
Vancouver Christmas G.. @MyVanChristmas
1K Followers 567 Following The best holiday events, shows and attractions in and around Vancouver––plus contest giveaways and Max the Christmas Cat!
Georgia Makitalo @georgiamakitalo
1K Followers 4K Following Writer. Aurora Chaser. Traveldeva. Alchemist. Pre-Raphaelite Musecast coming in 2023. https://t.co/WIldEAdVG8
New York Times Pitchb.. @DougJBalloon
264K Followers 4K Following Parody. The really well-trained dog is the one that turns his somersault when there is no whip. merch: https://t.co/3bxNPhdkPL
limp brittzkit @Brittymigs
19K Followers 2K Following she/her. just a little snail girl trying to get by. @meatcats @reductress @cracked mgmt: [email protected]
Shooter McGavin @ShooterMcGavin_
589K Followers 48 Following Former #1 golfer in the world and an all-around bad guy. Contact Shooter at [email protected]
Skyler Higley @skyler_higley
26K Followers 995 Following standup/staff writer @midnight. formerly CONAN, @theonion.
Graeme Carey @GraCarey
1K Followers 1K Following Funny words in @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys @SlackjawHumor @PointsinCase
charlie @HuskyLees
1K Followers 891 Following Humor writer @mcsweeneys, @Slackjawhumor, @pointsincase, @littleoldlady__, @thisisrobotbutt, and The Big Jewel. Enthusiastic and helpful pedestrian. he/him
Irene Tassy @Irene_Tassy
851 Followers 895 Following Humor writer. Laughs in @WeeklyHumorist @PointsinCase @thisisrobotbutt @SlackjawHumor @Frazzledhumor @GreenerPastSat
Nat Hrvatin @NatHrvatin
1K Followers 1K Following Satirist, Clevelander, This emoji IRL: 😅Writing: @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys
I Totally Serious @itotallyserious
1K Followers 2K Following Screenwriter. Actor. Twitterer. Contributor @reductress @mcsweeneys @slackjawhumor Top 10% Nicholl, top 1% chocoholics
Weekly Humorist @WeeklyHumorist
9K Followers 7K Following The Humor Magazine. The Standard In American Immaturity. Editor-in-Chief @MartyDundics @TheWebbyAwards Nominated 🏆Buy print or digital issues, subscribe today!
Jon Hess @jonhess1005
2K Followers 3K Following TV Comedy Writer/Editor. Editor's Guild. Jew. Lefty (handed and politically). Will try to not annoy you. Will likely fail. He/Him.
Devin Wallace @TheDevinWallace
597 Followers 663 Following words in @mcsweeneys, @BwayBeatNews, @endofbench, and the bathroom stalls of brooklyn's worst bars. we need: more houses. fewer cars. same amount of snakes.
𝙃𝙐𝙈𝙊𝙍 .. @HumorDarling
2K Followers 483 Following an inclusive comedy platform. yr online tabloid. read us in yr lawn chair. home of rejectress *~run by @lauraornella and @baylorkn ~*
Jonathan Slotkin, MD @slotkinjr
9K Followers 1K Following Chief Med Offc @contigo_health @PremierHA $PINC. Neurosurgeon @GeisingerHealth. Board/Advisor. Co-Instigator at CwVC. Muay Thai | Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
Skyclock® @skyclockco
88 Followers 84 Following Sunset, sunrise, twilight times app. #SaveStandardTime Flight/Travel/Outdoor Planning. Safety. Regulatory. Android:https://t.co/wv2lvoG34j iOS:https://t.co/dkoqfe4zdj
So Psych-illogical @susieandlizzie
149 Followers 235 Following Two friends who love #Psych make a podcast about the characters' development, with fun and antics along the way. All the analysis, none of the professionalism.
Maureen McEly @maureenmce
1K Followers 3K Following Disabled writer of screenplays, short humor & short fiction | Nicholl & Slamdance SF | Tin House ❄️ Workshop | @Respect_Ability Lab Fellow | Words @McSweeneys
Steven Koprince @KoprinceWriting
1K Followers 2K Following Writer and recovering lawyer from the Midwest. Humor in McSweeney's, Points in Case, Slackjaw, Frazzled, & others. Opinions are mine, but should be everyone's.
sarah james @cryingbaseball
3K Followers 2K Following i write books set in 1943. perpetually thinking about gene kelly. LAST NIGHT AT THE HOLLYWOOD CANTEEN out now!
Amy Currul @AmyCurrul
1K Followers 3K Following words in @mcsweeneys etc | co-founder of @GreenerPastSat | Lover of dogs, doughnuts, & all things television
Points in Case @PointsinCase
11K Followers 9K Following Enlightening and irreverent comedy from seasoned writers and fresh voices. Submit your work | $35 pay, no fee
Lucy Huber @clhubes
80K Followers 2K Following editor @mcsweeneys Mother of: 👦🏼👶🏼🐈⬛🐈🐠🐌 Writer? Hungry. Tired.
Kristen Mulrooney @missmulrooney
14K Followers 2K Following Editor @The_Belladonnas. Writing in The New Yorker, McSweeneys, Gilmore Girls: The Official Cookbook kristenmmm on Insta
Carlos Greaves @shadesofgreaves
5K Followers 2K Following Engineer. Writer. Friend | Author of Spoilers: Essays That Might Ruin Your Favorite Hollywood Movies
Slackjaw 🚀 @SlackjawHumor
5K Followers 757 Following @Medium humor. Large laughs. Tweets by our editors: @al_baia @cryingbaseball @hollymenderson @justingawel
TallulahCarolina 🌊.. @TallulahSC
7K Followers 7K Following 🌊⚡️⭐️ I’m voting Blue even if it’s for a Smurf. #VoteBlue
Annie Balambao @anniegraham57
1K Followers 3K Following #🟦🟧🐈🐕 Your average aging American Womyn, fluent in sarcasm, a bit left leaning, cares about humanity. NO DMs. I follow people who make me laugh!
Heather on the hill @JitterbugPerf
250 Followers 744 Following Hi. It's @Jitterbug212. I seem to be here now. She/Her/They/Miss/Mr/Ms
Illuministchris @illuministchris
472 Followers 1K Following Wedding Celebrant | Speaker | Emcee | Featured in @Slackjawhumor, @PointsinCase. Author, Best Ceremony Ever (WW Norton)
Val Bodurtha @valbparker
674 Followers 1K Following Comic and writer, @McSweeneys @the_belladonnas and @AFIFest | (boh-der-thah) - Welsh for “you should change your name”
gabeybabyyyy @GabrielYassky
940 Followers 747 Following ~bad comedian/average waiter~ “top 100 Twitter account under 1k followers”—US Weekly
Chandler Dean @chandlerjdean
4K Followers 997 Following Comedian & Speechwriter / @WestWingWriters / Satire @newyorker @mcsweeneys @reductress / Performer @ucbtny @CaveatNYC / Prev: @harddrivemag, Lovett or Leave It
Seth Rubin @setherubin
6K Followers 3K Following writer @jackboxgames // headlines @theonion // words @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys @reductress etc // they/he 🏳️⚧️
Ian Goldstein @iangoldsteinyes
3K Followers 3K Following Writer/Producer (comedy, podcasts, crohns!) When I die I'd like to be claymated. @newyorker, @mcsweeneys, @vulture, @byrdiebeauty. ianscottgoldstein at gmail
@fionataylor@writing... @fionaleslie
7K Followers 6K Following Satirist, writer, & co-founder of satire site @the_belladonnas. Co-author of @neffthebook. Here's my Mastodon address: @[email protected]
sleepiest girl in the.. @v_dcknz
9K Followers 3K Following headlinezzzz @theonion @reductress • Hyperfocus: A Neurodivergent Comedy Show @caveatnyc next show May 12 😇
james folta @JamesFolta
5K Followers 3K Following funny writer, funny editor @pointsincase, blogs @lithub, @wgaaudio, hangin’ tuff, he/him
Max Gross ☻ @maxgotjokes
18K Followers 2K Following Headlines @Reductress, features @TheOnion. Words @Slate @Autostraddle and more. The nation’s foremost scholar on “And Just Like That.” He/him
Whacktose Intolerant @MillyTamarez
12K Followers 2K Following Comedian, writer on @datinggameabc, host of @betches_sup pod, @waitwait contributor, creator of: @flexxmag & @dafcomedyfest https://t.co/h0v9b9xzI3
meredith @dietz_meredith
18K Followers 2K Following too tired to pee, too full of piss to sleep. staff writer @lifehacker. headline contributor @TheOnion @reductress.
Sam Spero @SRSpero
2K Followers 1K Following Comedy @ IAG, Sports Contrib @TheOnion, Headline Contrib at @ClickHole & @Reductress, pubbed by @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys & more. Really want a samurai sword.
Brendan Dewley @BDewley
525 Followers 1K Following comedy writer but willing to settle for much less
Every Three Weekly @Every3Weekly
2K Followers 93 Following The official humor publication of the University of Michigan.
If you start “The Rat” by The Walkmen tonight at midnight then you’ll start all of 2024 with a perfect song and your year will be unstoppable
My only 2024 music prediction is that Joanna Newsom will release a new album and it will be the greatest album of the year, if not decade.
I hear it gets really good in Season 4… #psych
@PsychMovieFans Got this can’t wait to watch it
It’s fun to finally watch huge pop culture things that you missed and see how off you were with what you thought it would be like
Liz Lemon was a terrible person and was always meant to be read as one. There’s literally an entire episode about her being forced to face the reality that she had always been the bully despite seeing herself as a victim! There’s no “in retrospect” about it.
@_danielle_carr One of the great things about 30 Rock is how in retrospect Liz Lemon was an absolutely terrible person.
Can someone find the 30 Rock joke where Liz says to Jenna “you can’t make anything work, you couldn’t even make your relationship with david blane work”. And Jenna says “he was the one that drove the wedge between us, with his magic.” Cuz thats my favorite.
this one is A1
my emotional support 30 rock joke
take me out deserves what mr. brightside has
@HannahPosted “That guy wants to buy you a drink” “But I already have a drink, do you think he’ll buy me mozzarella sticks?” is actually the most relatable thing anyones ever said so
People who said I should uninvite my family to Christmas because they made fun of my ham skills should know that every year instead of gifts we do a scratch ticket grab bag and every year I yell “YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO SHARE THE PRIZE IF YOU WIN” and then start a fight about it.
the offensive line coach for the cleveland browns is named Bill Callahan. not the same guy though i checked
I deeply believe James Gandolfini would’ve killed it in a Wes Anderson film and frankly it’s unfair we didn’t get to have that
People are like “how do you not know how to make ham? You just heat it up” THATS THE PART I DIDNT KNOW.
What I love about 3yos is how they are these little baby geniuses, stuck between being little and big. My 3yo is currently explaining to me how all the parts of the dishwasher work but also…can’t help pretending the bottom rack is a train.
This one always drops one me like a bag of bricks! Best band ever. youtu.be/KutWoEO-4ZY?si…
@ShipofMiracles @GHAlanWrites @taylorsschumann For my virtual appointments they make me get on like 15 minutes before my appt because someone calls and asks me the same questions I answered on the website they asked me two nights before to answer.
buy the cheapest black and white Brother laser printer and and wonder why you ever wasted your time with anything else
I would contend that the printer industry failed us as a generation. Have you encountered a printer in the last 20 years that is easy to set up and use, relatively affordable, and just consistently works without constant maintenance and fussing? I have not!
@GHAlanWrites @taylorsschumann Biggest doctor pet peeve. I go to a specialist 1/month and this month was my 18th appointment. I filled out the forms online 18x and repeated the answers 18x to the tech. Last time i sounded like Eeyore. So over it.
I only want to have a wedding so everyone is forced to listen to my music at the reception
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