New York Times Pitchbot @DougJBalloon
Parody. I don’t know where the blue check came from. merch: https://t.co/3bxNPhdkPL balloon-juice.com Assassination coordinates Joined March 2009-
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Kristi Noem’s killing of her pet dog highlights America’s moral decline under Biden.
Is Columbia safe for Jewish students? We talked to a billionaire alumnus who lives in Massachusetts and a 35 year-old antisemite who’s unaffiliated with the university.
How this weekend’s NFL draft explains the Israel/Gaza war. by Chris Cillizza
People on both sides are criticizing Kristi Noem, so she must’ve done something right when she shot her dog.
My four-year-old was watching CNN when he turned to me gravely and asked "Daddy, why did the nice lady from South Dakota shoot her dog?" And when I told him "Because the woke mind virus had turned the dog into a freeloader," he started crying.
As America’s paper of record, we believe in simply reporting facts and letting our readers draw their own conclusions. Here’s why we issued a news release explaining what our publisher meant when he hounded the vice president about not getting a one-on-one interview with Biden.
Oh @DougJBalloon, the prophet that you are. #Swifties
Oh @DougJBalloon, the prophet that you are. #Swifties https://t.co/OktVpJWX6I
Where were all these moralist M$DNC shitlibs trashing Kristi Noem, who I do not support, for killing her puppy, which I do not support, back when Obama was using drones to kill senior members of ISIS, which I do not support? by Glenn Greenwald
Put presidential immunity on the blockchain. by Andrew Yang
Trump wants to replace my democracy with a dictatorship. Biden wants to replace my gas stove with one of those magnetic induction ones that heat up incredibly fast. I have never felt more politically homeless.
@DougJBalloon America doesn't have a gun problem. It has a puppy problem.
Why did Kristi Noem shoot her dog? Because it had become too woke.
Opinion | I would rather have Trump leading insurrections than Biden doing the things I’m lying about him doing. by Bill Barr
In this South Dakota town, it was a tradition: waffle and eggs, a little pheasant hunting, then drag your puppy into a gravel pit and shoot her in the head. But now the woke mob is taking all of that away.
The Judge Who Loved Me Shaken but never stirred, GoldenTongue John Roberts is stalling for Trump like 007 with a trigger-happy terrorist. He might make those insurrection charges die another day, but he's of no help in Donnie's Octopussy trial. by Maureen Dowd
DoneHat @Popehat
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Remember when Republicans just tied their dogs to the roof of their car for cross country trips? I miss the good old days.
@DougJBalloon In this Rochester business school, it was a tradition: coffee and donuts, then write the papers that would become the justification for predatory debt takeovers and 8 figure stock options for executives. But now the woke mob is taking it all away. nytimes.com/2024/04/26/bus…
@DougJBalloon Kristi Noem's "puppy" was no angel, let me tell you.
That's it. Twitter is over. There will never be a better tweet on this platform. Pitchbot, you glorious bastard. 😂😂
Biden wants to be re-elected without doing the hard work of giving interviews. But no one deserves an important job that they didn't have to work for. by A. G. Sulzberger
@DougJBalloon A young Meryl Streep agreed
@DougJBalloon Absolutely. We lost him far too soon.
Oh @DougJBalloon, the prophet that you are. #Swifties
Why do young women love Taylor Swift so much? Bret Stephens and Ross Douthat drop by to explain.
Good afternoon! I’m back on shift as faculty support in the Northwestern Liberation Zone/Gaza Solidarity Camp. It’s raining, but there were 100 tents at least, a couple hundred people and spirits are high. I’ll be on shift this PM & will share observations soon
@thejewelsmith @DougJBalloon "Well I took out my dog, and him I did shoot, down in the County Kildare"
The Editor-in-Chief of the NYTimes tells people that Biden is incompetent
@DougJBalloon America doesn't have a gun problem. It has a puppy problem.
@DougJBalloon Why did Kristi Noem shoot her puppy Cricket? It became too woke.
@DougJBalloon Every Sulzberger as a character from Succession. By Chris Cillizza
@DougJBalloon You forgot Marianne Williamson. Why does Doug hate women?
Should retire the account now - nothing will top the amazingness of this tweet
Biden wants to be re-elected without doing the hard work of giving interviews. But no one deserves an important job that they didn't have to work for. by A. G. Sulzberger
Jill Stein: “The Jewish people have a homeland in Poland” Three million Polish Jews were murdered in the Holocuast at Chelmno, Belzec, Sobibor, Treblinka, and Auschwitz II–Birkenau extermination camps
Meijer’s theory of the case was that a Trump cult would welcome someone who sinned against them back if he was just mean enough to the libs. Anyone who had not deluded themselves about the state of the GOP electorate would’ve known how naive that was
Michigan Secretary of State's office confirms that @RepMeijer has withdrawn from GOP nomination race for Michigan's US Senate seat