Dan Madonia @DanMadonia
Stand-up comedian, willing to settle out of Court. DanMadonia.com Hollywood, CA Joined April 2009-
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Next Friday April 19th I am kicking off 420 weekend with @CannaProvisions. I'll be headlining @LarkHallAlbany. @DanMadonia and @MartyCaproni are opening. It's going to b a great show and an awesome way to kick off your weekend. Tickets at KevinBartini.com
OJ Simpson has died after a long battle with innocence
My wife doesn’t like it when I say we are helicopter parents, but what else do you call it when the kids make your house look like the set of Black Hawk Down
In the later stages of my first sons labor, my wife requested we listen to hip-hop…i premade a playlist but it was too mellow for what she was experiencing, I threw on one of my regular hip-hop playlists. My son Axel came into this world to the song “No Vaseline” by @icecube
Sometimes I headline a club and the feature will be like “So and So headlined last week and took the entire staff out for drinks and to a ball game and paid for everyone’s parents elective surgeries”and I’m like “Cool, I’m gonna go back to the hotel and eat a lunchable alone”
Whenever anyone on the internet does an AMA(Ask Me Anything) I always ask the same question: Why was Rosie O’Donnell cast as Betty Rubble in the live action Flintstones film?
The doctor and ultrasound tech at my wife’s screening today think my unborn son has a big dick, so that’s cool
Does anyone know if my son is awake? I can’t reach the baby monitor
Racism is like an Apatow film...there are clear places that it should end, but it just keeps dragging on and gets lost in a completely different point
They don’t tell you in the movies, but Skynet was actually defeated by unions
Dylan Mulvaney has been named the new CEO of Twitter!
I just wanna give a sincere thanks to my friends and family. Not sure what for, just saw someone else do it and thought it’d be nice.
The writers gotta strike, the directors gotta 7-10 split, and the actors got gutterballs
I know lots of homeless people worried about the future of AI…
A lady next to me on train is on the phone with someone who apparently needed to hear a perfect scene by scene breakdown of the 1997 Val Kilmer film The Saint….better than an audiobook
I think we can solve the gun crisis in America by making Ticketmaster their exclusive seller
How have I made more money in Hollywood in one year in New York than I did in 15 years in Hollywood?
Rick Ingraham @RickIngraham
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Not only was she the queen of comedy, she was also a great mom. Not only do I think of you every day, but especially today. Mom passed back in 2018. It’s been six years since hugging you and kissing you. Your baby, Pauly.
Tune in tonight, I’ll be telling some jokes on @FallonTonight with @jimmyfallon ! ❤️🤓 📸: @JenRosenstein #jesustrejo #standupcomedy #comedy #fallontonight
Hey @SCE… my power is out because there is wind. There is always wind. You should use all that excessive money we all pay you every month to build a system that can handle existing in reality. Turn my power back on, you corporate shit-stain.
The only man that can save the @ChicagoBears or @Broncos. #NFL
Part of new agreement is writers get to have a main character say a writer’s Venmo handle once per episode
Best vibe for comedy is, "Sorry if it offends you that I'm a cheeky little schoolboy."
Re: Aliens. Until it becomes a thing where I don’t have to pay bills anymore I don’t care.
Thank you Patrice Bergeron for 19 incredible seasons and the Stanley Cup! 🙏🙏🙏
Streaming doesn’t pay the artist but them ads runnin during the stream should…
My least favorite thing is when hot people cover creep by radiohead
@MetCastPod I would let the Mets make a decision and then do the opposite of that
What's the best casting in a movie you've ever seen?
I won’t steal your girl, but DO NOT LEAVE YOUR SHARPIES UNGUARDED!
Woulda been more lit if Babe Ruth would’ve integrated into the Negro League
@benjiaflalo Gonna rename my handle to Baseball tweets for Benji
You can do that on this “holiday” celebrating freedom or come upstairs and really get after it with me and my Juneteenth-er’s… Tix: showclix.com/event/shindig-…
Tonight at 8pm in the Main Room @EddieIfft & Friends with @TONYROCK @IanBagg @WhitneyCummings @momandel @reynoldsgareth @kyledunnigan +more! Tickets at showclix.com/event/eddie-if… #thecomedystore
Yay!
This is what it's come to. Tickets on sale now (Cleveland on sale Friday) More cities soon! toddbarry.com/shows. Artwork: @ernieparada
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