Mark Watson @watsoncomedian
‘One of the most genuinely joyous presences in comedy’ - The Times. Tour dates and book details on website. Personal messages https://t.co/4P0kjAp17O markwatsonthecomedian.com Touring. Google me. Joined March 2009-
Tweets36K
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Walked past a park where there was a football match in progress and one player was in full suit and tie. Can't stop thinking about it. I suppose my best guess is a dare/bet. But if it was you (big if) please get in touch, I've got understandable questions.
In life's battles, some friends are in the trenches with you; some will text saying 'hope all ok in trenches'; some will desert you and then years later say 'how were the trenches? Sounds shit'.
I’ve hardly been on here the last three days and, my goodness, you’ve all been looking between letters of your keyboard an awful lot.
It is me. I was on camera for two days. Just the voice remains but it was good to be part of and I was allowed to keep the jumper.
It is me. I was on camera for two days. Just the voice remains but it was good to be part of and I was allowed to keep the jumper.
Are the VAR checks much quicker and less intrusive in the Champions League, or I am imagining it? And if so, why? Do we not have good enough phone signal in this country or something?
Six months on, an important update: there are three baby foxes out there. Congratulations, guys!
Six months on, an important update: there are three baby foxes out there. Congratulations, guys!
Close, but no, I’ll explain again: I’d like them to pay an appropriate level of tax in the first place.
We interviewed @nr147, one of my favourite players, this week, about success and failure. It was as much of a pleasure for him as it was for me. He didn't say that exactly, but it was heavily implied.
We interviewed @nr147, one of my favourite players, this week, about success and failure. It was as much of a pleasure for him as it was for me. He didn't say that exactly, but it was heavily implied.
Is this the answer, really? It won’t clear up the date clash and it feels a bit glib just eating it in front of your partner with this tension between you. I’m not sure these two - very creative - players have really thought it through.
Now my replies are awash with people claiming bananas are berries or seeds or something and a car is an animal and fuck knows what else.
Now my replies are awash with people claiming bananas are berries or seeds or something and a car is an animal and fuck knows what else.
The aubergine is a fruit, not a vegetable, I've just heard from my mate Huw. Tomato and cucumber - fine, you get used to them being fruits over time. Potato not one of your 'five a day': a blow, but, whatever. But now aubergine is a fruit. Christ.
As some of you know, my brother has been sticking up for super-minnows Micronesia in the swamp of FIFA, football's world governing body, for years. If you want to do a tiny good thing without having to invest properly, reply to FIFA's tweet as below. Thanks!
As some of you know, my brother has been sticking up for super-minnows Micronesia in the swamp of FIFA, football's world governing body, for years. If you want to do a tiny good thing without having to invest properly, reply to FIFA's tweet as below. Thanks!
An incomplete list of the shows I'll be helping to look after this summer. I'm also doing a work-in-progress show of my own in Edinburgh but it won't be on sale till next month; is on an ambitious subject which will take time to nail; you are not to watch it.
An incomplete list of the shows I'll be helping to look after this summer. I'm also doing a work-in-progress show of my own in Edinburgh but it won't be on sale till next month; is on an ambitious subject which will take time to nail; you are not to watch it.
Announcement tomorrow ... @ImpatientUK
Fellow passenger's phone goes off and the ringtone is Auld Lang Syne. Nobody was expecting that. Has he not had a call since December 31 or does he just love the tune and refuse to back down?
He typed this one letter at a time and he 100 percent has keyboard sounds on.
During the match the camera went in on Grealish and I had this incredibly vivid vision of what he’ll look like at 70. It was so convincing. Same face, still fit, but the hair and teeth just gone a bit. I don’t know what to do with this power.
Welwyn Garden City. ‘A marriage of town and country’ it says on the station sign. From here, you’d have to say it doesn’t seem to have been an equal marriage.
Ed Gamble @EdGambleComedy
274K Followers 2K Following Extra dates to my brand new tour on sale now👇 Photo by @MrMattCrockett he/him
Shaparak Khorsandi ش.. @ShappiKhorsandi
233K Followers 3K Following Stand-up comic, author and all round delight. Trustee @sohotheatre mgt: https://t.co/7qWaCKUdOJ Keynote/host [email protected] https://t.co/bSRBkn1lcG
Alex Horne @AlexHorne
375K Followers 1K Following Will tell you about things I do here: Taskmaster Universe, Horne Section nonsense, occasional other stuff.
Taskmaster @taskmaster
280K Followers 160 Following Official account for #Taskmaster. New episodes Thursdays at 9pm on Channel 4. Watch full episodes on All4 and YouTube.
Jon Richardson @RonJichardson
840K Followers 965 Following The Knitwit Tour is everywhere NOW! Photo by @andyholl
Nish Kumar @MrNishKumar
451K Followers 2K Following Comedian & great friend. Albums: https://t.co/3mphPZ5HDp (He/him) Pic by @JazzShaniceArt co-host of @podsavetheuk
Rhys James @rhysjamesy
112K Followers 1K Following Former young comedian. Not a surname to his name.
Tim Vine @RealTimVine
322K Followers 124 Following Comedian. Plastic Elvis. https://t.co/V1C4agGVpJ https://t.co/qwcXHSNiwa
Elis James @elisjames
126K Followers 2K Following I present Friday 2-4pm with @nomadicrevery on BBC Radio 5 Live. Rep by Sara Ray at M&C Saatchi. Luxury player, doesn’t track back. Tocyn oes ar y trên grefi.
Danny Wallace @dannywallace
196K Followers 1K Following Coming to Nottingham, Brighton, Bath, Hay and many more soon https://t.co/hlXpS3nTiE
David O'Doherty @phlaimeaux
206K Followers 1K Following my forthcoming shows are here: https://t.co/52WSyy2273 my albums are at https://t.co/2KPcpQVVs7
Lucy Beaumont @LucyABeaumont
106K Followers 2K Following Writer of Meet The Richardsons, C4's Hullraisers & Radio4's To Hull and Back. Podcast https://t.co/4beZjcyamT
Greg Davies @gdavies
695K Followers 805 Following Full Fat Legend tour tickets available via https://t.co/3AFSyykLay, if you fancy coming
@mrchrisaddison@dizl... @mrchrisaddison
364K Followers 2K Following Spy. Dammit! Ex-spy. “Imagine a child’s drawing of a magic leek.” - @captainward who/whom Contact: [email protected] Avi pic: @ClaraMolden. I mute killjoys.
Ed Byrne @MrEdByrne
433K Followers 2K Following Stand up comedian except when on panel shows. Then, sit down comedian.
Kerry Godliman @KerryAGodliman
206K Followers 938 Following #WhitstablePearl #AfterLife #Derek #SaveMe #LiveAtTheApollo #MockTheWeek #Taskmaster #AdultMaterial #TriggerPoint #Bosh https://t.co/3o1yqOQItU
Ivo Graham @IvoGraham
84K Followers 3K Following comedian / prank victim / published blatherer as of Sep 24
Gary Delaney-next tou.. @GaryDelaney
114K Followers 2K Following One-liner comic. New tour Gary in Punderland on sale. Joke book 'Pundamentalist' out too. Jokes tweeted aren’t in the live shows. First 2 tours now on YouTube.
Learis @Learis11
797 Followers 3K Following
rio loves british com.. @riolovesateez
3 Followers 120 Following average british guy, unstable oasis enjoyer
Angela Wormald @Angela_Wormald
2K Followers 3K Following Journalist & Editor. Former Deputy Editor, Sunday Mirror/People. Former Daily Mirror Deputy News Editor. Views my own.
MR POFPO @mrpofpo
336 Followers 2K Following
Maria Haywood @HaywoodMar26862
1 Followers 50 Following
Wibbles @samw6906
172 Followers 1K Following
CP @chris_palmer82
0 Followers 299 Following
New @n1e2w3g4u5y6
0 Followers 276 Following
What are you doing in.. @WAYDIMG
74 Followers 160 Following This is Michael Redmond's Comedy Podcast! Have a listen and get in touch!
Alan Wilkins @alan_wilko2904
275 Followers 2K Following #FAMILY. AGE IS BUT A NUMBER . #FOCUS #LOVETHEBIKE just keep believing
Werdna @WerdnaRiley
28 Followers 203 Following
Andrew Kevin Newton @andrewkevinnewt
6 Followers 381 Following INDIE • ᵈᵃʸ𝗗𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗠 • ROCK • 𝐀𓂀𝐊𝐍 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 • Emotional Anthems (2024) + Drunken Anthems (1996-2022) Available on all music streaming platforms!
Bee @BeeCymru58
40 Followers 67 Following Contented 60 something. Loves local/family history, walking, books, nature and cats. Hates fuss.
Nicola Young @Young2803
0 Followers 74 Following
Alex Hutchings @Alex60082631
2K Followers 941 Following Snooker and Cricket connoisseur/ Graeme Dott’s biggest fan/ @argyle @efc / Love a Stadium Tour
peezy mullins @peezymullins
77 Followers 431 Following KC attorney specializing in healthcare and employment law and the intersection between them.Primarily on the plaintiff's side now. Also a proud mom and liberal.
Georg Gerdon @GeorgGerdon
3K Followers 2K Following #SocialMedia #Japan #Apple #StarWars. Private profile, opinions are mine. I still call this Twitter (I am too old for that rebranding bs).
Kiran Marwaha @kikidoc22
74 Followers 118 Following Trainee Clinical Psychologist, Psychologists for Social Change - Disability and Inclusion Circle, improviser, quiz nut Happy to connect!
christopher cleary @really_chris_c
59 Followers 77 Following In Wales born and raised and in North Staffordshire spend most of my days.
Mark Stevens @MarkSte47400809
177 Followers 920 Following Awesome,Funny Good looking Legend 😋, Who likes cooking!!!!
Natasha Boyle @NatashaBoy54564
0 Followers 12 Following
Donna Barnsdale @DonnaBarnsdale
63 Followers 610 Following
Catherine williamson @Catherinew30552
2 Followers 171 Following
Arthur @arthurswinford1
18 Followers 162 Following
RoastCocoPops @RoastCocopops
94 Followers 151 Following
olivia 🦚 @loumanist
778 Followers 6K Following Financial Renewal, with 5% interest rate | Author 📚 | NFT's- collectors 💻 Competence analyzer and initiator
Autumn @AutumnM60512
23 Followers 542 Following She/Her 🏳️⚧️ 24 My main aspiration in life is becoming hot. I swear I'm not a bot. twitter just thinks I an and won't let me change my name
beth @bethw_e
1 Followers 22 Following
MD Girl @Patricia11161
3K Followers 4K Following republican mom of 2, grandma of 3 married to 1. MAGA Patriot
Jeremy Bulloch @manster2099
1K Followers 5K Following I sell comic books and comic book accessories. He/Him
Richard H @the_offbeatpoet
102 Followers 253 Following Y6️⃣& English Lead 📚 | Teaching 20+ yrs | Former Head for 13yrs | Love the Beatles🎵| ⚽️Bradford C | ❤️Dogs |Published Poet ✍️’A Good Title Is Hard To Find’.
deviousiphone @deviousiphone
197 Followers 802 Following I am just a person living life and sharing the experience.
chris bovingdon @chrisbov1963
1 Followers 25 Following
Eric Stanley @Ericstan2171
7 Followers 93 Following No to climate taxation. No to Vaccination genocide. No to the fake news. No to the BBC. No to increasing retirement age. No to WHO. No to IMF. No to CDBC. DYOR
Ed Gamble @EdGambleComedy
274K Followers 2K Following Extra dates to my brand new tour on sale now👇 Photo by @MrMattCrockett he/him
Shaparak Khorsandi ش.. @ShappiKhorsandi
233K Followers 3K Following Stand-up comic, author and all round delight. Trustee @sohotheatre mgt: https://t.co/7qWaCKUdOJ Keynote/host [email protected] https://t.co/bSRBkn1lcG
Alex Horne @AlexHorne
375K Followers 1K Following Will tell you about things I do here: Taskmaster Universe, Horne Section nonsense, occasional other stuff.
Taskmaster @taskmaster
280K Followers 160 Following Official account for #Taskmaster. New episodes Thursdays at 9pm on Channel 4. Watch full episodes on All4 and YouTube.
Jon Richardson @RonJichardson
840K Followers 965 Following The Knitwit Tour is everywhere NOW! Photo by @andyholl
Mark Steel @mrmarksteel
241K Followers 81 Following I love Twitter because everyone's always polite and no one ever takes anything you say literally, never.
Nish Kumar @MrNishKumar
451K Followers 2K Following Comedian & great friend. Albums: https://t.co/3mphPZ5HDp (He/him) Pic by @JazzShaniceArt co-host of @podsavetheuk
Rhys James @rhysjamesy
112K Followers 1K Following Former young comedian. Not a surname to his name.
Tim Vine @RealTimVine
322K Followers 124 Following Comedian. Plastic Elvis. https://t.co/V1C4agGVpJ https://t.co/qwcXHSNiwa
Elis James @elisjames
126K Followers 2K Following I present Friday 2-4pm with @nomadicrevery on BBC Radio 5 Live. Rep by Sara Ray at M&C Saatchi. Luxury player, doesn’t track back. Tocyn oes ar y trên grefi.
Danny Wallace @dannywallace
196K Followers 1K Following Coming to Nottingham, Brighton, Bath, Hay and many more soon https://t.co/hlXpS3nTiE
David O'Doherty @phlaimeaux
206K Followers 1K Following my forthcoming shows are here: https://t.co/52WSyy2273 my albums are at https://t.co/2KPcpQVVs7
Greg Davies @gdavies
695K Followers 805 Following Full Fat Legend tour tickets available via https://t.co/3AFSyykLay, if you fancy coming
@mrchrisaddison@dizl... @mrchrisaddison
364K Followers 2K Following Spy. Dammit! Ex-spy. “Imagine a child’s drawing of a magic leek.” - @captainward who/whom Contact: [email protected] Avi pic: @ClaraMolden. I mute killjoys.
Ed Byrne @MrEdByrne
433K Followers 2K Following Stand up comedian except when on panel shows. Then, sit down comedian.
Kerry Godliman @KerryAGodliman
206K Followers 938 Following #WhitstablePearl #AfterLife #Derek #SaveMe #LiveAtTheApollo #MockTheWeek #Taskmaster #AdultMaterial #TriggerPoint #Bosh https://t.co/3o1yqOQItU
Ivo Graham @IvoGraham
84K Followers 3K Following comedian / prank victim / published blatherer as of Sep 24
Angela Barnes @AngelaBarnes
65K Followers 1K Following Comedian. https://t.co/CJfINABjRx Inexpert F1 rambling. ADHD. History Nerd (esp Cold War) Bunkers. Podcast: @wearehistorypod with @mrjohnofarrell
Georgia Mann @MannGeorgia
11K Followers 2K Following Presenter of Essential Classics on BBC Radio 3. Confused parent. Opinions all mine and not those of the BBC.
FPL Focal @FPLFocal
174K Followers 78 Following Former #1 (during 21/22) 175K Subscribers 📽 https://t.co/X4Cypydvtw 📷 https://t.co/lya4CjX1pz 🗣 https://t.co/2qw7aRW9CR ✉ [email protected]
Stan Collymore @StanCollymore
896K Followers 819 Following Former @LFC @AVFCOfficial @LCFC @NFFC @England footballer. Football broadcaster. Mental Health Advocate. Enquiries [email protected]
Harry Aikines @HarryAA100m
17K Followers 688 Following Olympian - World, European and Commonwealth medalist. @USN_UK
Mach Comedy Fest @machcomedyfest
9K Followers 1K Following Machynlleth Comedy Festival 3rd-5th May 2024. A weekend of stand-up comedy in the heart of Wales. Run by @LittleWander.
Fenix Trophy @FenixTrophy
4K Followers 86 Following FENIX Trophy is a ground-breaking international football event, conceived and organized by @BreraFC, involving 12 clubs from 10 European countries 🌍
Hardman & Hemming @HardmanHemming
2K Followers 3K Following Award winning Bespoke Tailors. Tailoring suits, shirts and everything inbetween. Our new online Shirt subscription service, Shirt Club is now open
Feargal Sharkey @Feargal_Sharkey
235K Followers 882 Following "Regularly touts on Twitter", Secretary of State for Environment, Thérèse Coffey.
Ellis Platten - AwayD.. @ellis_platten
75K Followers 2K Following Youtuber - 300,000 subscribers ⚽️ Freelance Presenter 🎥 Contact - [email protected]
DNQ Football @DNQfootball
2K Followers 369 Following The ‘Minnow Nation’ Football Community. Dedicated to the unsung heroes of international football. Check us out ⬇️
TheTimTraveller @TheTimTraveller
9K Followers 33 Following Travel videos for nerds: https://t.co/CHkh6pdLka
Russ Cook @hardestgeezer
354K Followers 185 Following The first person ever to run the full length of Africa @huel @perfecttednrg @hoka CHARITY FUNDRAISER⬇️
Scott Santens @scottsantens
148K Followers 148K Following Founder & President of @ITSAfoundation. I focus on unconditional/universal basic income (#UBI) and have a crowdfunded basic income (https://t.co/FjhtKCxYE0)
Prof. Feynman @ProfFeynman
1.4M Followers 0 Following A universe of atoms, an atom in the universe. Tribute to the great explainer. Tweets about Science and Wisdom. Portrait by L.V Patten.
Anika Moa @Anika_Moa
16K Followers 1K Following Goegeous mother of heaps and heaps of kids. So talented yet humble. Love to my fan/s.
sinhaha @paulybengali
7K Followers 695 Following Comedian Chaser Gay NHS botherer. Enquiries [email protected]
Charlotte Redding @CharRedds
36 Followers 46 Following Gamer, writer, games writer. Co-host of @falseeconomypod, product manager and shame advocate
SquashSkills @SquashSkills
10K Followers 469 Following Created By Champions. Made By Members. Online squash coaching from the World's best coaches and players. This is a squash club for all players.
MJS @IamMartinJS
64 Followers 147 Following To love is wise. To hate is cruel. When a clown moves into a palace, he does not become a king. The palace becomes a circus.
Chris Sanders @chrisgasanders
156 Followers 315 Following Advanced Nurse Practitioner in Acute Stroke @hhft, Invictus games and Paralympics GB & British Para Swim team nurse, arsenal fan, Dad to 2 beautiful girls
Owain Taylor @owaint016
431 Followers 382 Following Professional Squash Player for Wales | Highest World Ranking #93 | Sponsored by UNSQUASHABLE
Robbie G @giddypie
407 Followers 342 Following Supporting Everton is the most Scouse thing you can do.
Crushed by Margaret C.. @CrushedbyMCS
680 Followers 486 Following Podcast about unrequited love. (Top pick of Sunday Times, Guardian, Independent, Esquire) Once @mcabournsmith. https://t.co/1OHDfIEufk
(C) Leek Town FC ⚽�.. @leektown
13K Followers 142 Following Official X account of Leek Town FC 3✴️ accreditation with over 30 teams Member of the @PitchingIn_ @NorthernPremLge West #WEARELEEK 💙
horse dentist @equine__dentist
30K Followers 882 Following horse god formerly known as balthazar the exalted
Kyle Orton @KyleWOrton
46K Followers 5K Following Write about terrorism and national security issues | Lot of history and religion | Regrettably, also some politics |
Latest in space @latestinspace
1.2M Followers 6 Following Reporting on space events in real-time. Sub to our newsletter for more interesting news https://t.co/h6E31ucTCX 📩
Sean O'Connor @Sean_OConnor8
3K Followers 4K Following 🏅Your number one account for all Transfer News / Dm open for enquiries📩
Jo Griffin @_JoGriffin
825 Followers 549 Following Writer / comedian / actor / hype girl | 50% @lolaandjocomedy 💖 Tix link for shows ⭐️ https://t.co/NFmfJwyKmR
FPL MCFC @FPLMaineRoad
64K Followers 242 Following FPL, all things football and Man City, with occasional team news. 22/23 🌍 OR: 2,845
Dónal @donal_tweets
355 Followers 835 Following
Gengey @EllisGenge
70K Followers 670 Following playing rugby for @bristolbears . Bristolian. @leagueoflegends enthusiast.Thriving with Dyspraxia Views are my own.
Vowl 🟡 @VowlGame
44 Followers 1 Following Daily word game. Play now: https://t.co/4CnTMg5pd5 By @matryer
Malmesbury School @MalmesburySch
1K Followers 61 Following Proud to be a truly comprehensive school providing education of the highest quality for all the students within Malmesbury and the surrounding area.
Rob Debenham @RobDebenham
2K Followers 3K Following Husband, Father, Friend, Cook, Oenologist, Grand Poobah at Debenham Links Ltd. Musings are my own, or (more likely) plagiarised from folk smarter than I.
Wealdstone FC @WealdstoneFC
15K Followers 223 Following Official X account of Wealdstone Football Club. Founded in 1899 and members of @TheVanaramaNL 🎟️ https://t.co/wQnUy2qjwc
Dan Meier @MiniMeier
308 Followers 384 Following Skin whisperer. https://t.co/trqCU1qV4A https://t.co/6bGHtfDlDX https://t.co/GbP1nuqgqN…
Josh Stokes @JoshStokes22
2K Followers 149 Following
zoe brownstone @zoebrownstone
814 Followers 1K Following Canadian Writer/Comedian living in 🇬🇧Upcoming shows available on my website ⬇️
Melanie Bracewell @meladoodle
60K Followers 603 Following wellington paranormal, taskmaster nz, the cheap seats, hybpa and other things too!
Tristan Cork Post @TristanCorkPost
11K Followers 1K Following Chief Reporter @BristolLive /Bristol Post. Everything Bristol but esp South Bristol, & housing crisis. DM/email your story [email protected]
@watsoncomedian The people of Ledbury love you. You remember Ledbury? The world’s smallest theatre - felt like we were in someone’s front room. Happy days.
@watsoncomedian Got mixed up between defender and defendant?
@watsoncomedian I once played in a challenge match between two offices where the boss wore a white shirt because there were no strips that fit him. It was weird hearing folk saying, "Track back Mr Rawlings!" and calling for the ball,"Mr Rawlings! Mr Rawlings!".
@watsoncomedian Perhaps he plays for The Posh?
@watsoncomedian My dad in the 1970s played a dad Vs cubs game. He was a dad I was in the cubs .... Anyway, kit was provided yet he had no trainers or boots so he wore his shiny black work shoes. I have a photo somewhere..... He would of course where shirt, tie, shoes on the beach...
@watsoncomedian Listen, sometimes you're sporty but also ✨🌸fancy🌸✨
@watsoncomedian Didn't Eric Lampaert do this at the comedians/critics game? Definitely wore slip ons anyway, with inevitable results
@watsoncomedian Was it Jacob Rees Mogg playing centre mid?
@watsoncomedian Nice to meet you and say 👋👋 🏉💙🤍
@Revamped_views @watsoncomedian I enjoyed this immensely.
@watsoncomedian But don't be tempted to lose contact with the the final group because at some stage they'll be in their own trench and will need help. You can then fill it with water and watch them drown. Yes I'm a bitter, unforgiving bastard.
Trump v Ford is a World Snooker Championship match-up between arguably the USA’s two thickest presidents
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