Associate Deans @ass_deans
Making fun of middle management in colleges and universities. Because you can never have too many associate deans conspiring to be THE dean. Inside an Ivory Tower Joined June 2014-
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Malcontent permanent associate professors sign statements. Donors sign checks. Who do you *think* we’re gonna listen to?
Please remember if you are delivering food to our student protesters to include vegan and gluten-free options. They can’t show their commitment to cause on an empty stomach!
There is an inverse relationship between the faculty protesting and returned indirects. Not sure how the college should use this information… but I have some ideas.
We are charging a tailgate site fee to each tent in the protester encampment. It’ll automatically appear on bursar accounts. We know who you are—thank you for putting your SIDs on your phones!
We cannot authorize restraining protesting students, but we will gladly fire protesting faculty. Please give us cause…
Due to student outcry, we will be returning the 18-foot-tall lawn jockey sculpture to the alumnus who gifted it to the college.
Your research bursary can’t be used to cover camping equipment.
We canceled our Middle East politics course this Spring but our course in campus activism was standing room only! #winning
Getting arrested isn’t a university excused absence.
We haven’t “canceled commencement.” We merely decided to rerun the Zoom Commencement of May 2020 as part of our Salute to Pandemic Innovation.
The frats want to know if campus police need help with the protesters. They are ready to step in!
Just because you are woman doesn’t mean you can’t mansplain. So please stop mansplaining to your junior colleagues
The new dean is a Milton scholar. I hope this informs you about our organization and culture. (Someone explain it to the engineers)
The new VP is from New Orleans. After the announced program cuts, he’ll lead a second-line to HR.
There are two types of professors. Those who protest and those who enjoy watching their colleagues getting arrested.
“ . . . meaningful, lasting and impactful committee product.”
Administrative experience is far more important than in substantive expertise in the field! English professors who have been deans can manage the engineers!
Please refrain from calling the Tuesday/ Wednesday / Thursday schedule people ‘twats.’
Why did I become an associate dean? All my friends were becoming associate deans, so I thought I would too!
College Professor @ReadTheSyllabus
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39K Followers 18K Following WARNING: May cause cognitive dissonance. If this occurs, unfollow or block me. Don't yell or spin what I said. Bluesky: https://t.co/eUcjpl8esr@ass_deans How about jail time? How many service points for not being able to make bail?
@StrandedAssoci1 @ass_deans Yes, but we don't have the budget to increase your salary. It will count as part of your service
It will get you 5 years
@ass_deans I wish that was true for cutting staff.
@JordanSchachtel Can't wait to hear @ass_deans take on this one.
Another case of fact is stranger then fiction.
We are charging a tailgate site fee to each tent in the protester encampment. It’ll automatically appear on bursar accounts. We know who you are—thank you for putting your SIDs on your phones!
@ass_deans True enough - no Business prof would ever stoop to joining a political protest with the rabble. But a physics prof might. Good luck with your upcoming Celestial Mechanics lecture, @ass_deans !
@ass_deans The scale for service is 0-3. Where have you been?
@jjenna Don’t speak unwisely about @ass_deans
@ass_deans Can we at least get experience credit, I mean like create a special maybe even 2 credit course for this? Like it's just an idea . . .
To be honest, nothing will get you a 5. 5 is a mystic being living in your imagination. 5 is unattainable. You will be lucky if you ever get a 4. Oh, and don't talk to your colleagues about your score. It creates bad vibes, and it reveals the nonsense of it all.
Oh hi UW Madison
We are charging a tailgate site fee to each tent in the protester encampment. It’ll automatically appear on bursar accounts. We know who you are—thank you for putting your SIDs on your phones!
@ass_deans Small price to pay for logging on to free Uni WiFi network. 😀 slate.com/technology/201…
@ass_deans Is protesting considered extra course credit or a substitute for taking the final? The faculty handbook provides no guidance here.
@ass_deans Imagine life in a university with all classes taught by ass_deans because every prof got fired.
@ass_deans As the college now has enough traffic cones to meet its needs, from the secession of one's place on top of the sculpture by revellers. In other news please read the memo about the new parking space strategy.
@Politics53 @lookatthescore I put that in my syllabus in case @ass_deans gets involved.
@ass_deans Can I add an extra $10.00 a day toward the NIL fund? The transfer portal is killing us right now.
@ass_deans In any controversial political dispute, our @ass_deans always takes the same side Profit