John E. Cakes @mattytalks
I look at you and feel the same, could you forgive me for that pain Joined February 2009-
Tweets180K
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Followers36K
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Following1K
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Likes87K
Hey babe, I’m sorry I haven’t called or texted you in 3 months. I cashed out my 401K so I could fly to the North Pole and say “nice igloo bitch” to strangers and there was no cell service
2024 marks the 31st consecutive year that I’ve had a crush on Liz Phair
Listening to Dashboard Confessional in the year 2024 and hoping I don’t get grounded
Happy Taylor Swift release day to all the women who had their hearts broken by a guy quit his job at the Carwash because his boss refused to close early on St.Patricks Day
I’ve only listened to the Joe Rogan podcast a handful of times, but my fundamental understanding of the format is that people tell him insane shit that they have no proof of and he just waits for the right time to ask them if they’ve ever tried elk meat
The message boards on the official Grateful Dead website are a gold mine
I’m a business man and I get a lot of emails about business stuff
when i die place two personal pans (extra pep) over my eyes... hell will know a warrior is coming
I’m not on here much anymore so someone help me read the room please, is killing your wife good or bad these days? I need to plan my content accordingly
It’s my birthday next week and I’m going to buy myself a watch, sound off in the comments with watch suggestions so I can dismiss them and call you a rube
Women who breast feed are simping so hard for their babies
Women are attracted to mystery, so when a woman asks you “what the fuck are you looking at?” don’t answer and she’ll fall in love with you instantly
My credit card company wants me to tip less, sorry service workers, the glory days of being sexually harassed over mozzarella sticks for 3 dollars is over
Over the last year or so I have become a dedicated Vanderpump Rules viewer. This is my truth
Here’s an amazing song you’ve almost certainly never heard. Give this a listen youtu.be/QiOs2gTlSJE?si…
andrew @intellegint
41K Followers 770 Following ICU nurse from Detroit in Denver. Art posts are my own. Listen to @e1podcast
Alex Nichols @Lowenaffchen
51K Followers 2K Following the dwarfing and leveling of the european man @WFYMradio @FortuneKit00
man it’s a hot zone.. @Mobute
78K Followers 1K Following Hallmark podcast. Past: Guardian, Rolling Stone, Gawker, editor at 50 States of Blue. Sometimes: NBC, Deadspin, Esquire, Vice. He/him. https://t.co/BsfimwZqer
Dan @dankgdl
38K Followers 2K Following Jnco Maven. Phd, Houthi Institute of Strategic Studies, Georgetown. Natsec Correspondent, Good 'Uns Magazine. Armenian and Pennsylvanian as all hell..
rachel @rachelmillman
52K Followers 4K Following audience development, co-host @wrestlesplania, producer @lineinthestreet. [email protected] https://t.co/6HQ07C3SUW
rock and roll photos @yesitsmyaccount
35K Followers 985 Following writer for @yesitsmyaccount/drums for Ames Harding & The Mirage
''Steve'' @extranapkins
25K Followers 765 Following Unapologetically Me👑 VP of Marketing - Bold & Opinionated! Music Maven 🎶 Sports Enthusiast 🏈 Lover of food 🍗 Cocktail Connoisseu https://t.co/Y8Y4cSlZ4u
db @dogboner
72K Followers 337 Following
Dr. Michael P. Master.. @MorphoTime
13K Followers 11K Following Anthropology Professor. Author of Identified Flying Objects, The Extratempestrial Model, & Revelation. Musician, Painter, Skier, Dad, Progressive Pagan Heathen
Sarah Anderson @SarahAnder21061
4 Followers 224 Following
Karen Murphy @KarenMurph92452
312 Followers 5K Following 👇👇 Looking for online fun. Chat Now 😍🔞 Bi - Swinger - Can Travel - WhatsApp Meets DM For My WhatsApp!!
phantasma (Not a Bot) @PhantasmaJones
161 Followers 774 Following lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me ^_^✨️neurodivergent✨️ extreme bg3 brainrot. GARFIELD💜 🦄 no minors pls! 🔞
shammies @SquatchCasanova
41 Followers 180 Following
Tonya Emily @tonya_emil70520
2K Followers 4K Following Single And Looking To Chat & Date Guys - Message Me!! ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
Robin Anderson @RobinAnder95904
1K Followers 5K Following Squirting Live On My Home Cam For Free!! Follow Me For Live Feed! 💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦
⋆˙⟡♡⟡˙⋆ @s4nguinism
8 Followers 53 Following :3 | gothic metalhead | ciggies and wine | graveyard dweller | lover | multiple diagnosis queen
Janelle Maple @JMaple68228
835 Followers 5K Following Single - Bi - Swinger - Love To Meet Up For Parties! Invite Me! DM For My WhatsApp - Squirter 1 Let's Arrange A Meet!! 💦💦💦💦💦💦
DoubleDungus @DoubleDungus
0 Followers 359 Following
⚜️Knock-arounds &.. @StuntTweets
196 Followers 631 Following Just a pugilist, looking at a boy, asking him to love me.
꧁ 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐫�.. @_plarp
80 Followers 378 Following https://t.co/yhMaU82RmB…... i was TastyArmageddon 🔻 bluesky: https://t.co/oFtOZcDIht
oldinamerica @oldinamerica
139 Followers 878 Following I like talking about stuff - games on Backloggd, movies on Letterboxd, music everywhere
Olivia @OliviaSe9359962
22 Followers 172 Following
Melissa Hill @MelissaSucks69
4K Followers 4K Following Love guys - Love to suck - Love anal. Let's Chat!!
Rhoda Cougar 69 @Rhoda69Cougar
2K Followers 4K Following Always Horny - Love Sex - Love Guys - Young Or Old - Follow Me To Chat!! 👅💦👄👅💦👄👅💦👄👅💦👄
Jason @JasonFaykosh
390 Followers 373 Following
Rachael Miller @RachaelSucksBJ
6K Followers 4K Following Bored At Home. Wanna See Me Squirt? Add Me Below!
Esque Russell @EsqueRusse37815
0 Followers 78 Following
Jenner Mary @JennerMary23146
3 Followers 63 Following
Elisa Walker @ElisaWalke90844
804 Followers 4K Following Single - Bi - Swinger - Love To Meet Up For Parties! Invite Me! DM For My WhatsApp - Let's Arrange A Squirting Meet!! 💦💦💦💦💦💦
Me @G0BlLLSs
51 Followers 14 Following
Pretty State Machine @doomguyfawkes
173 Followers 1K Following I do not lust. I see beauty only. I am pure. I have no passions nor male appetites.
just another 𓆏 in .. @icumwhenucry
3K Followers 1K Following I’m not a bitch, but I’ve played one on tv
Nicholas Hoffman @Nichola05603228
14 Followers 17 Following
Jasmine Turner @JasmineSuck69
5K Followers 4K Following I Love Anal!! Do You? Let's Chat On WhatApp!!
Andross @androssposting
20 Followers 31 Following
Mordecai "Three Finge.. @zestnachow
26 Followers 2K Following
Sajid Seo tool's prov.. @SajidTools
278 Followers 5K Following I'm develpoer,Also I'm selling all types of Amazon & Seo tool's
Mars LuVer @flat_marser
25 Followers 134 Following
Joann Burgess @TheSmartLadyfx
73 Followers 5K Following ✨QUEEN OF NETWORK MARKETING 📊MILLIONAIRE-MENTOR 🔑The Woman who helps you elevate 🎯 Full Time Trader & Investor. 👇Follow my Trades and learn my strategy
a creepy stranger @MoveByWillAlone
118 Followers 557 Following ADHD addicted to tv/books/sugar/dreams. Wasting valuable time trying to be efficient. If we don't change the world who wi—hey lookit a cat! He/him/guy up a tree
Mama Grinch aka Alice.. @AliceWoolBrains
613 Followers 1K Following Open for Elderqueer Be Gay do CRIME advice Sainted Martyr of th Wet/Frog/"Sweetist Freak You'll Ever Meet"/IYKYK PFP by https://t.co/bxsZk391nq
andrew @intellegint
41K Followers 770 Following ICU nurse from Detroit in Denver. Art posts are my own. Listen to @e1podcast
Alex Nichols @Lowenaffchen
51K Followers 2K Following the dwarfing and leveling of the european man @WFYMradio @FortuneKit00
man it’s a hot zone.. @Mobute
78K Followers 1K Following Hallmark podcast. Past: Guardian, Rolling Stone, Gawker, editor at 50 States of Blue. Sometimes: NBC, Deadspin, Esquire, Vice. He/him. https://t.co/BsfimwZqer
Dan @dankgdl
38K Followers 2K Following Jnco Maven. Phd, Houthi Institute of Strategic Studies, Georgetown. Natsec Correspondent, Good 'Uns Magazine. Armenian and Pennsylvanian as all hell..
rachel @rachelmillman
52K Followers 4K Following audience development, co-host @wrestlesplania, producer @lineinthestreet. [email protected] https://t.co/6HQ07C3SUW
''Steve'' @extranapkins
25K Followers 765 Following Unapologetically Me👑 VP of Marketing - Bold & Opinionated! Music Maven 🎶 Sports Enthusiast 🏈 Lover of food 🍗 Cocktail Connoisseu https://t.co/Y8Y4cSlZ4u
db @dogboner
72K Followers 337 Following
EK @elizabethbkelly
472 Followers 681 Following Alabama alum - Golf Enthusiast - Four (4) time broken collarbone survivor - Kelly Family Member of the Year 2020
just another 𓆏 in .. @icumwhenucry
3K Followers 1K Following I’m not a bitch, but I’ve played one on tv
swiffer wet jet @sadbabeVEVO
38 Followers 50 Following go away, you don't belong here • not the castine you know
KatieEllen Humphries @MsKatieEllen
4K Followers 1K Following Comedian. Writer. CBC’s “The Debaters”, The Lady Show, “Horny OFF MAIN” Podcast. New Album “Ladyfinger” available now. I'm mostly dimples.
Charlie @MoistCr1TiKaL
2.7M Followers 754 Following Stay moist https://t.co/QP5vVBNQq6 owner of @moistesports
chelo @chelochita
20 Followers 21 Following
BOOBDYLAN.bsky.social @boobdylan420
139 Followers 125 Following a mix between Shirley Temple and Mariah Carey, w/o the talent. Weird Twitter Veteran. Monday Nights 6-8ish EST. 🔞
cunt @2femcel2furious
42K Followers 1K Following the flickering light that smolders within may seem faint to u but it is soo very bright 2 me
maddie b @honestlymaddieb
568 Followers 2K Following our lady of the perpetual sinus infection (she/they) | #blm #acab ☭
c_noel @christinenoel
174 Followers 930 Following
ROTTEN BOY 2 @deputyfuck
254 Followers 224 Following imagine me smoking a cigarette in Jacksonville Florida
Maggie @maggiecg12
5K Followers 607 Following PARTY GIRL | beautiful big titty butt naked women just don’t fall out of the sky you know
Todd Dadslayer is bac.. @SRN_banned
85 Followers 312 Following Some jerk reported my avatar as *including graphic violence or adult content* but I will keep appealing that horse crap.
lungbones @lungbones
30 Followers 125 Following i have berry juice on my fingers. i saw two goats. a bug touched me.
Philly K. Dick 🐢 -.. @phil_so_silly
2K Followers 481 Following Please let me read my manga and d*e in peace Bills/Cavs/Sabres/Mets/NUFC/Fights
reason @reason
284K Followers 369 Following Reason is the monthly magazine and website of “free minds and free markets” published by @ReasonFdn.
cait.bsky.social @punished_cait
44K Followers 904 Following like if barbie smoked weed. i work in the boneyard. yes, that's me in the picture. she/her
Michael Shellenberger @shellenberger
1.1M Followers 864 Following Founder, Public :: Dao Journalism Award Winner :: Time, "Hero of Environment" : CBR Chair of Politics, Censorship & Free Speech @UAustinOrg : Bestselling author
sloppy wizard @katrinkanova
829 Followers 566 Following anti vape activist. followed by Mardens of Maine for 15 minutes on Instagram 🙌🏻
Poppers the Clown �.. @ohnnnnnnnnnnnno
1K Followers 1K Following Interplanetary Good Vibes Zone ▫️🪐▫️((Museum person & Cavs fan & Printmaker & Diabetic & Phish goer & Trekkie)) she/they ♐️♌️♊️
Sam @realonlineboy6
1K Followers 567 Following realonlineboy here. Trying to be prepared in case I get got on main
fluent in fartgasm @suicidepussy
23K Followers 715 Following clumsily using chopsticks to eat kids menu tendies& french fries at Chinese restaurant & making gagging barf noises every time my date takes a bite of her sushi
Joe Lancaster @JoeRLancaster
301 Followers 687 Following Assistant editor @reason | One time I sat near Ric Flair at a Carrabba’s
professional bucky @imgayOFFICIAL
204 Followers 184 Following admin please verify this professional business account. TIA thanks in advance
The Omni Man @pepsihq
2K Followers 2K Following
Lamonica Rupert @sugarmaggz
829 Followers 489 Following 🪆🛒🖼️🪞🎁🎈🎊🪅🎉🎎🎏🪩🧧 🏝️🌞💖💍☀️🫧✨🦀🪩🦜💫🍀🍰🐚🌻🌟⭐️🌷🪐 she/her
MonDEGreen_2Ns @Dianna_2Ns
6K Followers 872 Following Phish. Funk. Cats. Sunsets. Running. Gratitude. Food. Tomfoolery. Put your phones away, let’s roller skate.✨🕺👍🏼
Shellshocked rocking in the fetal position outside of a Crumbl repeating to myself “that was not cookies. What they gave me was NOT cookies”
@mattytalks Baby, I’m tired of fighting I always wanted you
I'm more oppressed than any Jew or Palestinian
@mattytalks Asking the nursing home orderly to drive me to hot topic
it’s 9:30 on a friday night and I am in the bathroom of a taco bell in hartford, connecticut
Phish has the perfect opportunity to wait for everyone to be peaking and display a sphere wide montage of dads saying how disappointed they are.
I sing this to myself all the time
(to the tune of Rambin’ man) My father was in nambla, down in Georgia, he wound up on the wrong end of a son
Happy Kuroda gets to smoke indoors day to all who celebrate.
Trae Young’s barber shaves Trae’s head, slathers it with glue, and then uses it like a broom to sweep up the barber shop floor.
Pomeranian submission 📥 I love this guy
This is one of my favorite things about my six-month-old daughter too but it doesn't mean her brain is fully developed
Schwartz said that his favorite thing about his new 23 year old gf is that she overlooks all his baggage. #PumpRules
I should have never went to Arizona for spring training baseball. I’m forever chasing the high of going to multiple games per day. Just vibing around unemployed drunk people on a Monday at 12pm. Eating food that will prompt a colonoscopy by age 30. It was so good.
Spun out on the Deer Creek lot introducing myself to trees and various foliage
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