Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

These tweets may not be disseminated without the expressed, written consent of your mom. // I made @FilmSnuff Joined May 2010

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

2 months ago

Why are they trying to sell me on GMO-free dog food when literally all my dogs are themselves genetically-modified organisms?

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

2 months ago

How do I tell Netflix — no matter how tragic they make it seem — that I don’t give a flying fuck about Hulk Hogan?

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

7 months ago

@sueinphilly @Jeopardy It says “base.”

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Hey, @Jeopardy. There’s an error in this clue (where the correct response was “JAZZ”). There’s only one Z in the game, so the face value of this would actually be 19—with a meaningful (yet point-less) blank representing the other Z.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

8 months ago

Trump is most certainly unraveling the U.S. Constitution. He’s systematically undoing the First Amendment, as we all know. But, more interestingly, he’s also reversing the Third Amendment, as a lot of major cities are now being required to quarter soldiers against their will.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

8 months ago

@FreckledLiberty I want whoever I’m with to be fortunate enough to get to feel happy, validated, respected and fulfilled in whatever interests them.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

8 months ago

Where do the hellhole city’s residents buy the plywood if there are no stores?

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

8 months ago

@JomboyMedia See, he thought this would endear fans to him. They’d think, “Wow, what a guy; he’s really giving it his all out there. And this and the earring are NOT a giant embarrassment.” And considering his only defenders are the dumbest and lamest fans in baseball, he was probably right.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

9 months ago

@JomboyMedia This lady has already been traded to the San Francisco Giants.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

2 years ago

Movie elevators always have such great comedic timing.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

3 years ago

Today is the shortest day of the year. Unless you're spending it with your family. Then it's the longest.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

3 years ago

Diet Pepsi should be rebranded as Sawdust Juice®

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

3 years ago

💩

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

3 years ago

I know I’m now officially old because I don’t understand 75% of the Internet’s acronyms anymore.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

3 years ago

So many movies might be more watchable (JFK, Oppenheimer, Lincoln etc) if they just cut out the awful cliché of having the historical American hero’s wife shrilly screaming at him over and over every 30 mins. It’s an insult to female characters and the actors who play them. Ugh.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

3 years ago

Two definite great clear horror movies that weren’t sold to anyone at all as horror movies are “Vanilla Sky” and “What About Bob?”

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

3 years ago

I’ve never felt so young. For another 30 minutes at least.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

3 years ago

I actually viscerally feel bad for people who make their entire identity about actively hating current politicians.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

3 years ago

It’s sad how new-age “funny” is choosing general acceptance over truth.

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Keating Thomas @keatingthomas

3 years ago

Something that always confused me about “Who’s the Boss?” was this guy’s name. And I feel bad for his kid, who is probably named, “Rednecks hate you now, weirdly.”