Dana Alexandra @danac_alexandra
doesn’t have a podcast. yet? 🤷♀️ Joined January 2014-
Tweets209
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Following194
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Likes1K
Ancient sacrifices were for good crops and protection and now people allege actors are doing it to be in fast and furious 12? If it’s true, what a bunch of dorks.
Maybe we should let old people run for political office so they can feel needed again.
How come churches don’t have cool names like Rick’s Barn of Christianity?
Honestly, more Taylor Swift would make this game interesting
Nothing says open mic comedy quite like sucking down oysters.
“You’re a gem” people don’t care about gems. “You’re unlimited sick days” irresistible.
How many celebrities initially saw the flight log and thought “oh it’s handwritten, no chance this will end up on the internet”
NEW JERSEY! Super excited to headline @StressFactoryNJ WEDNESDAY! I have a great history at that club - I was the house emcee from 2007-2011 and it’s always a blast to come back and headline @danac_alexandra and @JRyanComedy are joining me; LFG! newbrunswick.stressfactory.com/shows/240499
Since when did @DoorDash start asking how many people the order is for? I thought the fees bought discretion.
“I’m on anxiety meds, I can’t even cry” How? How?! My cry productivity is through the roof. I’m cryer of the month. I’m getting a cry promotion.
Anxiety medicine is great because not only does it help with anxiety but it’s also like “you thought you were sad before? I’ll show you sad.”
Give someone the nickname white chocolate. Not because they are white but because no one likes them.
I seem to get my period during the full moon. I think that makes me a warewoman. The middle of the night my body is contorted in pain, there’s blood everywhere. My ex just used to call me a bitch.
I’m still humbled everyday when I remember that earlier this year, at age 32, a nurse looked me dead in the eyes and said, “you don’t get your period anymore right?”
When I write a good joke my first thought is “someone else has probably already said this.” I either have low confidence in my abilities or I really care about intellectual property.
Politicians are so dramatic. They say things like “democracy won” or “Biden sold America”. Like, I don’t need you to tweet about your live action settlers of Catan game. Just tell me what my taxes are.
I guess you could say I have a lot going on right now. -me with a cold on my period
If I win the lottery I’m going to buy a restaurant. If I’m murdered for my money, I’m putting in my will that my restaurant will have to turn into a murder mystery dinner theater about my murder. I’m on cold medicine
Every movie should be required to be remade as a muppets movie before any other remake can be done.
Jarrod Micale @JarrodMicale
49 Followers 54 Following
buhl @remotelyhuman69
52 Followers 178 Following
ChopSueyGirls @ChopGirls
435 Followers 4K Following Food Preparation and Serving Related Occupations
Ben Tuscai, CFP® @BenTuscai
365 Followers 637 Following Dad, Immaculata University and West Chester University Grad, CFP®.
Jay Black @jayblackisfunny
51K Followers 944 Following Comedian. Screenwriter. Producer. Recovering Monster. https://t.co/yWzwuvbhdX if you wanna watch me do standup or visit my other socials.
jamie amalea pappas @jamieamalea
4K Followers 743 Following jokes and opinions are my own. both are terrible. more content avail on my OF.
Maria Martin @cutoffmyhead
17 Followers 2K Following Hello: My login is Dana8 on https://t.co/Xuw2lcKktx
Addyson Cobb @Annette1313
21 Followers 1K Following
Let’s Talk about it.. @TheToneShowShow
4K Followers 2K Following I watch stuff and talk about it. Listen & laugh along to @LastWeekly podcast #TheToneShow #LastWeekly
The Preston & Steve S.. @PrestonSteve933
143K Followers 90K Following The official page of The Preston & Steve Show. Weekday mornings on @933WMMR.
New York Comedy Festi.. @nycomedyfest
6K Followers 574 Following We'll see you November 3-12! #makeNYlaugh
Jake Mattera @JakeMattera
3K Followers 927 Following ‘A Soft One’ Available Everywhere | Lil Stinkers | Stand-Up Guys
Crumbl Cookies @CrumblCookies
1.2M Followers 2 Following Bringing friends and family together over a box of the best cookies in the world! #CrumblTogether #CrumblReviews
Jarrod Micale @JarrodMicale
49 Followers 54 Following
David James Comedy @DJamesComedy
315 Followers 72 Following Above average comedian Comedy Special DAVID JAMES | One Camera https://t.co/7d97C0bOp1
Mary Radzinski @MaryRadzinski
4K Followers 643 Following Comediunt. Stand up. Lady. Co-host of @areyoumypod Album, Discomfortable, available now on iTunes, Amazon, and Google Play https://t.co/MlaOw9XGxA…
The Last of Us @TheLastofUsHBO
463K Followers 24 Following When you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light. The @HBO original series #TheLastOfUs is streaming now on @StreamOnMax.
guterman @danguterman
33K Followers 2K Following Carol & The End Of The World (2023), Rick & Morty, Colbert Report, At Home with Amy Sedaris, Community, The Onion (Head Writer)
ParisHilton @ParisHilton
16.5M Followers 18K Following My new song "Fame Won't Love You" with Sia is out now ⭐️🎶
Ben Tuscai, CFP® @BenTuscai
365 Followers 637 Following Dad, Immaculata University and West Chester University Grad, CFP®.
Jay Black @jayblackisfunny
51K Followers 944 Following Comedian. Screenwriter. Producer. Recovering Monster. https://t.co/yWzwuvbhdX if you wanna watch me do standup or visit my other socials.
Elissa Bassist @ElissaBassist
7K Followers 630 Following “Write, Elissa Bassist. Not like a girl. Not like a boy. Write like a motherfucker.” -Advice @CherylStrayed / Author of HYSTERICAL, a cookbook / Teacher
jamie amalea pappas @jamieamalea
4K Followers 743 Following jokes and opinions are my own. both are terrible. more content avail on my OF.
HERSHEY'S @Hersheys
299K Followers 5K Following We’re here to bring people together through the power of chocolate. #heartwarmingtheworld
Kellogg's @KelloggsUS
116K Followers 246 Following
Shane Gillis @Shanemgillis
450K Followers 834 Following Matt and Shane’s secret podcast : Gilly & Keeves
Joe List @JoeListComedy
112K Followers 1K Following I'm a comedian and I have a 3 one hour comedy specials available for free on YouTube. “I Hate Myself” & “This Years Material” & “Enough For Everybody”
President Biden @POTUS
34.8M Followers 5 Following 46th President of the United States, husband to @FLOTUS, proud dad & pop. Tweets may be archived: https://t.co/HDhBZBkKpU Text me: (302) 404-0880
Ben Schwartz @rejectedjokes
1.2M Followers 931 Following Tix for Ben Schwartz & Friends improv shows at https://t.co/BfAqa2o7Hy
Nate Bargatze @natebargatze
184K Followers 1K Following New special, Hello World on Prime Video. Or check out my Netflix specials. Come see me on tour. Also @natelandpodcast
Marcus J. DiPaola @marcusdipaola
36K Followers 1K Following I used to cover the White House, now I do the news on social media.
Sam Morril @sammorril
215K Followers 930 Following Stand-up Comic. Knicks fan. See me in your city: https://t.co/NGdY2cYtXP
Natasha Leggero @natashaleggero
354K Followers 946 Following The Honeymoon Stand up Special on Netflix. Book: The World Deserves MY Children out now! The Endless Honeymoon Podcast on YouTube
Nikki Glaser @NikkiGlaser
502K Followers 2K Following comedian with my own reality series “Welcome Home Nikki Glaser?” that starts May 1st on E! I also do a podcast, tour, and host fboy island.
Iliza Shlesinger @iliza
240K Followers 445 Following THE GET READY TOUR coming to a city NEAR YOU | See me on tour https://t.co/oRhcE12b0C | Text me: 323-370-4480
Wendy’s @Wendys
3.8M Followers 446 Following We like our tweets the way we like our fries: hot, crispy, and better than anyone expects from a fast food restaurant.
Rob McElhenney @RMcElhenney
1.2M Followers 820 Following Founder: @morebetterind | Owner: @wrexham_afc @thebetterbrown | Creator: @alwayssunny, @mythic_quest, @wrexhamfx | Innovator: Fight Milk 🦅
Joe DeRosa @joederosacomedy
81K Followers 1K Following “Can’t leave Rap alone, the game needs me.” comedian/writer/actor - proprietor of @joeyroseshard8 sandwich shop
SoulJoel's at SunnyBr.. @SoulJoels
920 Followers 273 Following Official Twitter of SoulJoel’s at SunnyBrook
Hey Babe Podcast @heybabepod
32K Followers 101 Following @SalVulcano & @chrisdcomedy Present: Hey Babe! Let your hair down and come hang out with the BABES!
tastebudspod @tastebudspod
41K Followers 97 Following @SalVulcano & @JoeDeRosacomedy hash out all their food based arguments for YOU the fans to decide! 👇
Jon Stewart @jonstewart
1.7M Followers 2 Following
Taika Waititi @TaikaWaititi
1.6M Followers 768 Following Bespoke tweets hand-crafted from locally sourced vintage dickhead.
View from my CPAP watching @Shanemgillis crush SNL
Multi-tasking on my 49th! ⛷️🎊🎉🎈
Brilliant. Diabolical. Genius. @adamferrara is living in the future with this soup hack.
Just submitted to Skankfest. Let’s make it happen brotha. @luisjgomez
Opened the apps…and then, I closed them
The most unrealistic thing about Spongebob was that a fast food employee could own their own home
Keep my family in your thoughts today. My mom is in a bad way and we could use all the good energy we can get. I’m not religious by any means but I wish I was right about now.
NEW JERSEY! Super excited to headline @StressFactoryNJ WEDNESDAY! I have a great history at that club - I was the house emcee from 2007-2011 and it’s always a blast to come back and headline @danac_alexandra and @JRyanComedy are joining me; LFG! newbrunswick.stressfactory.com/shows/240499
#favoritepicfriday Yesterday was my Dad's 13th anniversary of passing. A day that I dread to a certain degree every year, but I am so thankful for the 19 years we got together. Our family grew up competitively speed skating. Yeah, that includes Mom and Dad as well haha!
What. A. Game. 💥
🤘🤘🤘
Live from New York… #SNL #ButHereWeAre
PHILLY! Headlining my home club, @HeliumComedy Nov. 8! Tickets here! philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/228643
Hosting for Rachel Feinstein 10/14 at SoulJoels. Come hang!!
No shame in his game. @RobStantComedy
having a good IG advertisement day
This Wednesday at @punchlinephilly! punchlinephilly.com/EventDetail?tm…
The fact that Justin Bieber left Selena Gomez for what’s her face is insane TBH
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