Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1
standup thundercunt 💥 producer and host of Brooklyn's "Not Right Now Comedy" Brooklyn, NY Joined November 2016-
Tweets246
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Followers175
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Following268
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Likes42
August is here, which means our birthday show is near! 🥳🎉 Have you RSVPed to our birthday show? @candycemusinsk1 will be the hilarious headliner for the evening! Submit a dare to the players & get #Birthday show tickets ⬇️ #GetLIT21 #comedyshow #comedy litcomedy.com/happy-birthday…
Hey fiends! I’m headlining “Happy Birthday, LIT” @LITcomedy 8/8 at 8pm EST via zoom! It’s free or you can donate $15 to the #DareToBeLITStar fundraiser. Get #LITBirthdayShow tickets ⬇️ litcomedy.com/happy-birthday…
At what age do we stop waking up with booze next to us? 35? DEAD?
Why isn’t the late check out JUST THE CHECK OUT
How am I so pretty and have only had ugly dick
What doesn’t kill me... will probably one day kill me
His name was Sleepy Joe CUZ YALL WAS SLEEPIN ON HIM!!!
Going on a responsible social distance first date tonight. So when do we FUCK.
Lost 25 lbs this quarantine. Still drink like a fish. Fitness plan coming soon. #weightliftwithvodka
When we outta quarantine, it ain’t over for you, hoes. It’s over for you, MEN. I’m getting jacked and I will fight you.
I used to get a lot more voicemails before all of this. People don’t leave them now cuz we have time to get back to them. Leave the voicemails. I’m still ignoring the calls.
We should have a 4:20 for molly and mushrooms. Call it 3:60 because everything comes back full circle. We celebrate at 4pm🤯
My comedy goal used to be HBO special. Now it’s narrator on the next #netflix love game show #Toohottohandlenetflix #loveisblind
You know those people that are like “everyday is a gift” I wonder where those pricks are right now #Quarantine #coronavirus
“Thanks Corona” brought to you by “Thanks Obama”
To my out of towners - please stop texting me asking how I am “DOING”in NEW YORK CITY right now because it’s a HOT SPOT and DANGER ZONE. It’s not comforting and just gives me extra anxiety. And to everyone else not texting me- like wtf do you even care? #thankssomuch
“Wow I haven’t blacked out once during this whole quarantine” was something I said confidentially up until last night.
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FBI searches Trump's Florida home as part of presidential records probe reut.rs/3bJ4Gt5
You ever eat a third gummy when you’re already high AF, just because you wanted to eat something? And then say to yourself, “why did I just do that?” And then tweet about it?
Wife: “You know, I probably would’ve gone out with you sooner if you came across as a liiiiiiitle more hetero.”
God, I love the first night of Election Week. So festive. We broke out the traditional stress ball garlands and I’m going to carve the Xanax in about 20 minutes.
What @NBA players did today matters greatly. Don’t think for a minute that it doesn’t. As my father said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
We should have a 4:20 for molly and mushrooms. Call it 3:60 because everything comes back full circle. We celebrate at 4pm🤯
My comedy goal used to be HBO special. Now it’s narrator on the next #netflix love game show #Toohottohandlenetflix #loveisblind
You know those people that are like “everyday is a gift” I wonder where those pricks are right now #Quarantine #coronavirus
“Thanks Corona” brought to you by “Thanks Obama”
To my out of towners - please stop texting me asking how I am “DOING”in NEW YORK CITY right now because it’s a HOT SPOT and DANGER ZONE. It’s not comforting and just gives me extra anxiety. And to everyone else not texting me- like wtf do you even care? #thankssomuch
I rewatched the notebook and just think it’s so romantic that Noah is still so in love with Allison years after they broke up and have new lovers. Meanwhile, my work friend mike has been obsessed with his ex of 5 years and I’m like dude get over her you fucking pussy.
@thatsfunny @TimeOutNewYork @twicnyc @MurphGuide @bestcomedytix Comedy Show at @KarmaLoungeNYC this Saturday! Tix: eventbrite.com/e/comedy-in-th…
Friggin’ @candycemusinsk1 is awesome! We road tripped it last night to Albany AND ON Friday you can see us again at Wall Street Theater in Norwalk Ct 8pm show. Two times one week. Fuck. Yes.
this Friday the great @LeahBonnema is headlining the @wallst_theater 💥❤️💥 along for the ride is @gericsja @candycemusinsk1 & me!! #BeecherComedy 🗣⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰⁰ get you tix now!!! 🎟💨 bit.ly/2p3p3Z1
this Friday the great @LeahBonnema is headlining the @wallst_theater joining her will be @gericsja @candycemusinsk1 & me!! #BeecherComedy get you tix now!!!💂🏼♂️💂🏻♀️🚥🎰💮 🏆🎟💨 bit.ly/2p3p3Z1
@DanLaMorte @candycemusinsk1 Hey if you’re happy with it, we’re happy for you
@DanLaMorte @candycemusinsk1 This pic says to me "We'll look at this pussy up next, on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives!"
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