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‘He skipped from the car, in his finest Brooks Brother’s Boys suit, tortoise shell Oliver People’s giving him the air of refinement he so craved but still looked like the guy who carried the equipment bag for evangelical league softball games. He was a long way from church now..
‘He sauntered on to his private G550, wearing a tight black t-shirt that silhouetted his plump b-cups. A black cowboy hat was on backwards but none of the sycophants gathered for the short flight from Austin had the balls to tell him. He told a joke in his strange clipped dialect
I played basketball from the time I could walk. Started taking novocaine and cortisone for injuries as an early-teen. Would do anything in order to be healthy enough to play. I played until age 32. An old 32 physically. Planned on playing longer. 3-years left on my NBA contract.…
I did my best
Had a wonderful evening last night at The 2024 Vanity Fair Oscar Party with the two fellas to my right. The fella to my left…someone named “Justin T. from New York” (?)….was also kind but boy, did he have a lot of questions. You can hear some of them on “SmartLess”. 📸 Mark…
Budget Deficit (numbers in parentheses mean surplus) Under Jimmy Carter 1977: $54B 1981: $79B Change: +46.2963% Under Ronald Reagan 1981: $79B 1989: $153B Change: +93.6709% Under George H.W. Bush 1989: $153B 1993: $255B Change: +66.6667% Under Bill Clinton 1993: $255B 2001:…
YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Playtime’s over. #SuicideSquadGame is AVAILABLE NOW! @suicidesquadRS
Please respect my privacy in this difficult time
Please respect my privacy in this difficult time
Excited to *help* my new bestie @cmcdavid97 at the #NHLAllStar game!! …and also show off my home town of Toronto!! @espn @espnPlus
Excited to *help* my new bestie @cmcdavid97 at the #NHLAllStar game!! …and also show off my home town of Toronto!! @espn @espnPlus
It's that magical time of year again! Please enjoy "WHO KILLED SANTA: A MURDERVILLE MURDER MYSTERY" starring @arnettwill, @batemanjason, @MayaRudolph & Pete Davidson on @netflix! "The Netflix Murder Mystery That's Perfect For The Holidays" giantfreakinrobot.com/ent/netflix-my…
Sooner country paying homage to @arnettwill. (For Tracey in Wisconsin, “sooner country” refers to Oklahoma.)
Never a pen Terrible #England #Euro2024Qualifiers
Shambolic
Hooper and his crew might as well have kicked that one in themselves.
Jump into the passenger seat. We’ve got a job to do. #TwistedMetal premieres July 27, only on @peacock
Things just got really real! The first two episodes of our new podcast “Just Jack & Will” are out now. To LISTEN, Click HERE: wondery.com/links/just-jac… @smartlessmedia #JustJackAndWill #SeanHayes @EricMcCormack #WillAndGrace @WonderyMedia @amazonmusic
Ben Schwartz @rejectedjokes
1.2M Followers 931 Following Tix for Ben Schwartz & Friends improv shows at https://t.co/BfAqa2o7Hydavid cross✍ @davidcrosss
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172 Followers 2K FollowingBen Schwartz @rejectedjokes
1.2M Followers 931 Following Tix for Ben Schwartz & Friends improv shows at https://t.co/BfAqa2o7Hydavid cross✍ @davidcrosss
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880K Followers 507 Following I am a comic, actor, feral cat wrangler, writer & host of WTF the podcast.“SmartLess” @SmartLess
72K Followers 315 Following The #1 Comedy podcast in the world, hosted by Sean Hayes (@SeanHayes), Jason Bateman (@batemanjason) & Will Arnett (@Arnettwill). Follow us @SmartLessMedia!Judd Apatow 🇺🇦 @JuddApatow
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764K Followers 3K Following 📕Pre-Order My Book, “Joyful Recollections of Trauma” wherever books are sold. 🎧Listen to How Did This Get Made & Unspooled 📝 https://t.co/dSVJWA7lFYSean Hayes @SeanHayes
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70K Followers 1K Following when life gives you lemons, just say fuck the lemons and bailSurfSkateThrash @SurfThrash
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332K Followers 548 Following Understand deeply how the world works today to navigate the world of tomorrow. Join 80k ppl in my free newsletter:Depends on who you ask if yesterday was successful- One friend became mute & had to be sent home The birthday girl was throwing up in a bucket I was the most sober one because I only did seltzers Every bar denied our music choices
Today is my bffs birthday and we’re doing a bar crawl. The theme? Creed and Nickelback. Send prayers
PSA to all my followers: Please never tweet anything like to me again I am not on here to talk about business or anything business-adjacent
@bigdumb_baby Are you afraid that AI will wipe out the need for CPAs?
Just watched this video of this mom saying her kids names and one of their fucking names is SLIM EASY
New YouTube video! Watch me play Harbour Town. The same course the pros are playing this week! Click here to see how low I can go-youtu.be/hviyTVyDOUU?si…
‘He skipped from the car, in his finest Brooks Brother’s Boys suit, tortoise shell Oliver People’s giving him the air of refinement he so craved but still looked like the guy who carried the equipment bag for evangelical league softball games. He was a long way from church now..
I live in South Texas. I have watched our border for years. The one thing that really pisses me off is when some MAGA cult member who has been drinking from the right-wing propaganda hose for years tries to tell me what I have experienced, what I have lived. Here’s the reality……
it’s so incredible what you’ve accomplished. I’ll always be here to hold your hand.♥️ happy 30th birthday to the best big brother @agar_john
I played basketball from the time I could walk. Started taking novocaine and cortisone for injuries as an early-teen. Would do anything in order to be healthy enough to play. I played until age 32. An old 32 physically. Planned on playing longer. 3-years left on my NBA contract.…
Had a wonderful evening last night at The 2024 Vanity Fair Oscar Party with the two fellas to my right. The fella to my left…someone named “Justin T. from New York” (?)….was also kind but boy, did he have a lot of questions. You can hear some of them on “SmartLess”. 📸 Mark…
one year ago we had no fucking clue if it would be possible to be where we are atm. we were starting the production of our album while snow covered the house we were working at. today, our team told us “coffee” has been the best release in hinds history. T H A N K Y O U, de ♥️
Budget Deficit (numbers in parentheses mean surplus) Under Jimmy Carter 1977: $54B 1981: $79B Change: +46.2963% Under Ronald Reagan 1981: $79B 1989: $153B Change: +93.6709% Under George H.W. Bush 1989: $153B 1993: $255B Change: +66.6667% Under Bill Clinton 1993: $255B 2001:…
YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
🚨 Roll Call, Reds 🚨 Where are you watching today's #CarabaoCupFinal from? 📍 #CHELIV
The best castration jokes are the ones you never see coming.
Dinosaur Jr. The Wagon Reading Festival; From the movie “1991: The Year Punk Broke”
@arnettwill I've coached my daughter's U10 soccer team the last two seasons and am happy to help out. We mostly do the drill where you try to dribble your ball without falling down.