Jess Leigh🔪❣️ @Softapocalypses
unhinged poet who shit posts from the ethereal plane. sex and body positive. 40s, she/her. married. 🔞happy typo bandit. linktr.ee/softapocalypses New York, NY Joined March 2022-
Tweets109K
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Followers19K
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Following8K
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Likes244K
I fell asleep last night at 6:30, woke up for a few minutes, then slept until 8am. I’m about to nap. This week nearly killed me.
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I’ve been looking at cute cat gifs for too long today Put “cute cat” and your name into the gif bar and share the results
Look. I just wanna run away and join the Unkindness of Ravens.
My #FridayFeelings include resisting the urge to go back to bed
My husband works from home on Fridays with me and if you read a headline about a Brooklyn woman committing murder because of “loud chewing” you’ll know who it is
All I know is I’m ready to retire and live with my many cats, bats and ravens in a small cottage made of flesh and chicken legs. This modern life requires too many sacrifices of my mental health and not enough blood sacrifices of virgins etc etc
Goodnight lovelies, I just got a new hammer* in the mail and I need to try it out. *not a euphemism for dildo i promise
I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Thanks, gang!
I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Thanks, gang!
I’m not tired. I’m weary. Ya know? Just a weary lil marshmallow.
I’m gonna build a nice safe fort for snuggles. Applications now available to join Jess in the Soft Snuggle Fort™️ What movie would we watch if you joined?
At what point will I stop?
For the love of all things pubic haired, please put the sensitive filter on your NSFW posts. I can’t see full puss in public and not full on cackle WHICH DRAWS ATTENTION.
Good morning, The only thing that’s making me go into work today is the breakfast I ordered for staff. There was a reason to order it but I specifically ordered it so I’d have a reason to go in.
Goodnight lovelies, …I’ve done this pretty much all evening but only cuz my cat really wanted to get up to some snuggly mischief with her evil mom
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Depression level check: Last night I fell asleep next to a McDonald's Cheeseburger. This morning, I woke up and ate it.
Jordan reminded me I did a Squall cross play once.
Stop scrolling What are you listening to rn?
stop scrolling what are you listening to rn?
@Softapocalypses There are no raccoons in the break room.
@Softapocalypses "we found the clam chowder in the vents. We know it was you. You literally always say you'd do that if you wanted to get fired".
@Softapocalypses Just because it’s the deli counter doesn’t mean you can have your meat out, this isn’t going to work out
@Softapocalypses So about that gym membership…
@Softapocalypses "Rich, put your clothes back on and get off of my desk."
@Softapocalypses Sure, you've been made an Archbishop, but we're a Baptist company, Your Grace.
@Softapocalypses “Remember that lunch break you took and ate company food?” *pulls out septic pump* “We’re gonna need that back”
@Softapocalypses "Of course we ask that you reimburse us for your company uniform upon leaving today"
I just had to send one of my workers home because his dad got killed this morning, and it just brought back all of that stuff with me losing my dad back in September and I had to step outside and cry.
Someone at the Circle K by my house was apologizing for his behavior on Friday night and asked for his shoes back......
I’ve been looking at cute cat gifs for too long today Put “cute cat” and your name into the gif bar and share the results
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