Britt Crawford @FunniestAccntnt
I'm an accountant...but not just an ordinary accountant...I am the funniest accountant. @TheFunniestAccountant on TikTok Joined March 2022-
Tweets6K
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Followers266
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Following316
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Likes13K
Britt Crawford retweeted
Saw about 50 crows gawking and squawking over a dead animal carcass. Obviously, it was a murder investigation #jokes
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Britt Crawford retweeted
My friend said, "My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?" Me: Cats. Cats love fish.
Britt Crawford retweeted
My German friend dropped me off at the airport and said: "Gute Fahrt!" I replied: "I don't smell anything, must have been you. Thanks for the ride!"
Britt Crawford retweeted
A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.
Britt Crawford retweeted
What should you do if you're addicted to sea weed? Sea kelp.
Britt Crawford retweeted
I once dated a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops
Britt Crawford retweeted
I was gonna share a joke about a hotel but I have my reservations.
Britt Crawford retweeted
Clones are people two #jokes
Britt Crawford retweeted
Why do you never see a portrait of a gardener? Because they prefer it to be taken in landscape.
Britt Crawford retweeted
I once had a teacher with a lazy eye. She couldn't control her pupils #jokes
Britt Crawford retweeted
I tried explaining the definition of a palindrome to my wife. But I got it all backwards.
Britt Crawford retweeted
My vegan friend said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting. I said yeah, but people who sell vegetables are grocer #jokes
Britt Crawford retweeted
Why did the toilet roll down hill? To get to the bottom #jokes
Britt Crawford retweeted
Gene Simmons has an ancestor who was a warrior in Ancient Greece. His name was Sparta KISS.
Britt Crawford retweeted
Recently took up knitting. I'm not great at it yet, but I'm sew-sew.
Britt Crawford retweeted
Did you hear about the latest James Bond movie where he procrastinates about coloring his hair? It's called Dye Another Day
Britt Crawford retweeted
I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig. It's not a long poem, but it's deep.
Britt Crawford retweeted
One day I changed a lightbulb, crossed the road and walked into a bar. That's when I realized my whole life was a joke.
Britt Crawford retweeted
Why do officers in the military not shower everyday? In order to retain their Rank
Britt Crawford retweeted
My wife finally told me she is unable to have children. “Inconceivable!” I replied.
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