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Following447
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Likes790
Fuck it the electoral college, whoever is the better golfer wins
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Flipping my car to the cold side halfway through the night
Just got into a fight where the opp swung and I ducked and my hat hovered in the air spinning then landed on my head when I stood back up and also there was AMAZING silly jazz piano in the background
My wife’s mental health was bad so I put on cargo shorts then washed the dishes Because if something’s broken, step 1 is turn it off then back on
*in traffic court* So your defense is you weren’t texting, just screen shooting your map because there was 69 miles to the destination? Yessir Well I mean obviously we’re dismissing this ticket
In my saying sorry for the mess when my house is pristine phase
Your honor, have you considered that my client is just right brain dominant
Hell yeah Saudi Arabia just smacked Argentina. If Mexico beats Poland there’s a 100% chance my Uber ride is gonna be lit tonight
I’m doing alright, just at that awkward age between 6 and 40
And we all know what happens when we ASSUME, right?! Exactly, 9/11
[Sweeney Todd] Sidekick: remember that barber whose wife and kid you took 15 yrs ago? There’s a new mysterious barber in his shop Judge: oh wild how old is he Sidekick: prolly like 15 yrs older than the first guy Judge: lmao sweet let’s go get a haircut
[at trader joes] hey do you guys have salt or milk [guy with Palestine flag face tattoo] hahaha oh my god don’t be ridiculous
Radiohead is like road head but I forgot the aux and don’t have Bluetooth
Drunk tried to unlock my house with my car key fob and was pissed about the beeping behind me
Shocked and saddened to learn there was heterosexual activity among buzzfeed personnel
Boss: we need more out of you Me: well I just got a new pack of sticky notes so get ready to eat your words
You’re not going to believe this but Adam Levine just dm’d me asking if he could name his son Saddam Hussein
My buddy said “dude I’ve so so many great blackout memories from college” Hey man no you don’t
Why the public bathroom dryers that you gotta fist with both hands? I’m tryna get clean
Being Irish is every white Americans get out of jail free card, much like it’s every Australians you went to jail for free card
Jonathan Tillson @JonathanTillson
5K Followers 5K Following Stand Up Comic / Writer / Host of @explainingshow
Joe Palana @JoePalana
1K Followers 839 Following A big waste of potential check out some stand up why not? https://t.co/Yqwc24Xn9C…
Pamela Ross @PamNotAnderson
4K Followers 824 Following writer, performer, theater person, comms and editorial pro, etc.
Will Noonan @willnoonan
17K Followers 569 Following COMEDY SPECIAL “50 TIKTOKS AT ONCE” IS FREE ON YOUTUBE 🏁 LINK IN BIO
Mrs. Met @kingofworcester
1K Followers 1K Following Host of The Sort of Late Show @SortOfLateShow, Hot Dog! at Coney Island and WOOtenanny a comedy festival, all in Worcester, MA. IG: @sirshaunconnolly
Big Took @TookyMonster
2K Followers 1K Following Hi I'm Tooky (rhymes with cookie). I am a potato, I'm a hilarious stand-up comic, and you love me.❤️
screenplay understand... @asinglefather
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@fuckcityusa @fuckcityusa
379 Followers 332 Following Co-host of the Explaining Things show on YouTube
Al Christakis @AlChristakis
298 Followers 213 Following Thikk-ass Goblin type Human, I know every anime cum at me
Kevin Knightly @KnightlyKevin
243 Followers 414 Following Stand up. Worcester County Murders podcast 🔗⬇️
Theo Konstantino @theokonstantino
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Chloé Cunha @ChloeCunha
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surely you’re jokin... @financountdown
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jfwolfpack93 @JWolfpack93
9 Followers 90 Following
E. Cory Taylor @ECoryTaylor1
76 Followers 3K Following
Jody Dunn-Stuart @GlobalGorge
625 Followers 2K Following Dual national, coffee, travel, interior design. Do good. Be good.
Theessare @TheessareN0Gs6
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Aaron “Vanilla Gori... @Aaron_Harleman
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juli @_qt314
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_B_ @MooreKid68
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WhatNowJen @WhatNow_Jen
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no @lmnopqanon
0 Followers 48 Following
lou Stand Up @loustandup
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Music Buzz Online @MuzikBuzzOnline
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a @Teagan_Dunfey
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¼Million irl @sikhsmillion
92 Followers 707 Following Nettin’🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀
Jird Gurden @GurdenJird
12 Followers 585 Following
The Niffler @niffler_the
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dan boulger @boulgercomedy
934 Followers 293 Following
Max Marcus @MaxMarcusComedy
779 Followers 688 Following Comedian, screenwriter, top 9% script on Coverfly
The Hispanic Twilight... @sunnygcomedy
98 Followers 349 Following welcome to a special place, Where reality becomes fantasy, and fantasy becomes reality, Welcome, to the Hispanic twilight zone
SnD Podcast @sndpod_
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Catalina WAGMI Mixer�... @emphatic_zen
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Abbey Players @Abbey_Players
104 Followers 101 Following The Abbey Players/Belmont Community Theatre's Official Twitter. Updates on times, dates, and general theatre merriment.
Charlie Martin @Charles94573404
339 Followers 2K Following Part Comic, part magician, part bartender..combined, just plain funny. Has toured the US from comedy clubs/ colleges. Hates creamed corn. Sober.
Flaquita Quinteros @FlaquitaQuinte3
10 Followers 101 Following
Danny Pee @dannypeecomedy
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38 Followers 135 Following Tar Heel and Catholic priest of the Diocese of Charlotte. Opinions are my own.
Matt Forss - Comedian @forss_matt
522 Followers 964 Following Available for comedy guest spots, openers, and feature work in Wisconsin, Illinois, Minnesota, and Iowa. Call me today! 715-935-2038
Weeny_Torte6 @WTorte6
23 Followers 324 Following
gary colman @gary_colman
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Tony Capobianco @TonyTellJoke
70 Followers 484 Following Stand-Up Comedian/Actor. Hobbies include exercising, working out, and going to the gym.
Ron the Robot 🇸�... @robot_ron
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stefano sanzo @stefabro93
25 Followers 54 Following
MYSTARU 💎 @Mystaru
348 Followers 339 Following Comedian, Positivity, Motivation, Laughs, Hugs & Smiles for those fighting Depression God Bless #Mystaru #mystarucomedy #Livefreeandlaugh
SREEBUS CHANDRO @Sreebus2
100 Followers 327 Following DIGITAL MARKETER Advertising / Marketing Marketer & Coach Help People Command Social Media Twitter Marketing DM for Social Media Marketing DM for Consultation
Jonathan Tillson @JonathanTillson
5K Followers 5K Following Stand Up Comic / Writer / Host of @explainingshow
Joe Palana @JoePalana
1K Followers 839 Following A big waste of potential check out some stand up why not? https://t.co/Yqwc24Xn9C…
Sam Morril @sammorril
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4K Followers 824 Following writer, performer, theater person, comms and editorial pro, etc.
mark normand @marknorm
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Will Noonan @willnoonan
17K Followers 569 Following COMEDY SPECIAL “50 TIKTOKS AT ONCE” IS FREE ON YOUTUBE 🏁 LINK IN BIO
Mrs. Met @kingofworcester
1K Followers 1K Following Host of The Sort of Late Show @SortOfLateShow, Hot Dog! at Coney Island and WOOtenanny a comedy festival, all in Worcester, MA. IG: @sirshaunconnolly
Big Took @TookyMonster
2K Followers 1K Following Hi I'm Tooky (rhymes with cookie). I am a potato, I'm a hilarious stand-up comic, and you love me.❤️
screenplay understand... @asinglefather
4K Followers 700 Following .banned from smash burger for being “too real”
Dan Wickes @dan_wickes
11K Followers 2K Following NYC standup. Winner of the 2021 Coney Island Comedy Festival. Check out Roast Battle League NY. he/him
@fuckcityusa @fuckcityusa
379 Followers 332 Following Co-host of the Explaining Things show on YouTube
Shane Gillis @Shanemgillis
772K Followers 820 Following Matt and Shane’s secret podcast : Gilly & Keeves
Muhoozi Kainerugaba @mkainerugaba
1.3M Followers 2K Following Official Twitter account of Gen.Muhoozi Kainerugaba, Chief of Defence Forces (UPDF) and SPA/SO.
Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump
111.6M Followers 53 Following 45th & 47th President of the United States of America🇺🇸
Kicks Deals @KicksDeals
447K Followers 10K Following The #1 source for deals, new releases, coupons and more on sneakers. 📲 App Download: https://t.co/F8hhaI9Ko3 👟 https://t.co/OZiSeYxEbY
populistlaugh @populistlaugh
1K Followers 2K Following Satire for the people. Daily headlines. Run by @aplaxcomedy. If you want to contribute, fill out the application below
Brent Terhune in Cinc... @BrentTerhune
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Big Jay Oakerson @bigjayoakerson
170K Followers 782 Following Greatest Yapper Alive Tour https://t.co/cQ9PMZr4xg
Thomas Alfano @TommyboyakaTom
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horse powder @JuliusIrvington
15K Followers 1K Following What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun
Legion of Skanks @LegionOfSkanks
92K Followers 2K Following w/ @bigjayoakerson @luisjgomez & @arishaffir Tuesdays at 8PM E ONLY on @gasdigital Sign up w/ promo code LOS for a discount‼️
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carthicc @car_thicc
843 Followers 645 Following Comedian/Actor/Writer. I love the jokes. the jokes tolerate me // Top 4% CoverFly // @The_Lunar_Times
Tony V @TonyVComic
299 Followers 498 Following
Amelia Harlow @brightearningin
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POSTNUTANXIETY👽�... @Farooqyou
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Orlando @OrlandoPcomedy
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hedy @ifearlibrarians
744 Followers 1K Following girlbossologist, charlotte brontë stan, taurus, future DINK
Sandra M. Doss @sdosscomedy
193 Followers 520 Following Comedian, Lawyer, Writer, Musician, Wife, Mom, Panamanian-American, Small Mammal Enthusiast…I stand on a stage, do stuff and sometimes people laugh…
Mike @EatPrayMike
535 Followers 2K Following Humor, writing, #Braves, #Panthers, #Hurricanes, napping. Not really sure what I’m supposed to be doing here.
WhatTheZem @WhatTheZem
658 Followers 788 Following I'm here to avoid regular life. Words in @mcsweeneys @pointsincase @SlackjawHumor @dailydrunkmag @funny_ishdotcom @thisisrobotbutt @littleoldlady__
Steve Katz @katz_just_katz
323 Followers 557 Following Just a meat popsicle learning to become a real boy. NY/NJ comic
LL Cool Tweet @LLcoooltweet
4K Followers 3K Following Soon I’ll have that little mermaid and the ocean will be mine.
John Molehill @JohnMolehill
292 Followers 244 Following I love Comedy and deep thinking like, It must have taken a really long time to open up the very first antique store
Mike Camerlengo @MCamerlengo
53K Followers 2K Following Head of Content at NorthCam Studios | Writer | Creator of 60 Second Classics | [email protected]
Corhar @Corhar4
2K Followers 2K Following Comedian living on the East Coast/Aspiring Voice Actor /Grandson of Cedric Sneer
The Beautiful Boycast @bbcpod69
98 Followers 283 Following Stupid jizz podcast hosted by the playboy gay sex boyz Cam O’Neill, Josh Liston, and Jimmy Silver, new episodes every Sunday
Alvin Hart @AlvinHart19
765 Followers 1K Following Yes, well, that's the sort of blinkered, Philistine pig ignorance I've come to expect from you Non-creative garbage.
KewlrabbitProductions @kewlrabbit
1K Followers 4K Following Writer. Rabbit. Comedian. Bunny. Person. Hare. Fox. Leporidae. MILF. Cottontail. Banana. Crouton. Carrot. Diamond. Carat. Pun.
Brandon Ream @Reamkore
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Danny Rathbun @DannyRathbun
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Andy Abramson @ImprovAtItsBest
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Will Bridges @WillBridges15
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Justen Williams @jus10williams
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Late Night Comedy @zee_augustine
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