Scott Simpson @scottsimpson
also here maybe: @[email protected] — or actually @scottsimpson on threads is where I am going? Who cares. cttcomedy.com Burlingame Volunteer Living Joined March 2007-
Tweets8K
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Likes36K
Can’t get this song out of my head youtu.be/Haf0t47IjZc
Bad time for you if your bank looks like a house
Greek Orthodox Punk Celebrates Record Store Day Thirteen Days Later l8r.it/XViO
“Buckle up”
Doctor: Sorry, I'm not able to see your medical history because of HIPAA, you say you have some discomfort? Pharmacist: OK YOU'RE GONNA APPLY THIS CREAM TO YOUR TESTICLES OR WHEREVER IN THE GENITAL REGION THE FUNGUS CROPS UP, HI MRS PETERSON I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU, ANYWAY…
Me: I’ll bet they don’t have Wife Type 322.6B, the wife who’s a bit of an ins… wow
My kids' school: Stay home if you're feeling sick! My kids' school, the next day: YOUR SON HAS MISSED 3 DAYS THIS YEAR WHAT IS GOING ON AT HOME
You get on the band’s 727 and there’s a seat open next to each of them: Lyndsey with his shirt unbuttoned to his pubes, Mick picking his ear, John quietly weeping, Stevie feeding a live raven, and Christine. You’d sit next to Christine every time
When you’re a hip judge looking for a fresh way to sentence someone to death by hanging
Tough week Sam Bankman-Fried but TIA for giving us 10 great hours of Hulu in 2024
Parents picking a middle name for their child feels like the “now let’s do a silly photo” of naming
My favorite thing about Matt Levine: he always starts with something like “Let’s say you have an apple and you want to sell that apple” and by the end is like “which is why multivalent derivatives can never break <σ/.3” and the whole time I’m like yeah dude that checks out
Zero Franzen at this Barnes & Noble. I sensed it when I walked in… a disturbance… I didn’t know one could even exist without the other.
Saw the new Top Gun but never saw the first movie—I assume they cover the backstory on how these big machines can just… fly?
Zero to Midsommar in 2 tchotchkes
Before the internet this would have been unthinkable What a time to be alive
I don’t know who Machine Gun Kelly is but also I know so much about Machine Gun Kelly
When a guy goes on national TV and shares your secret with the world
John Gruber @gruber
358K Followers 2K Following Threads: @gruber ★ Mastodon: https://t.co/zMmW95yISs ★ Bluesky: @gruber.foo
Cabel @cabel
85K Followers 564 Following I work at @panic we make apps and games. ✍️ Blog: https://t.co/WrULhBjGXJ • 🐘 Mastodon: https://t.co/CDQgBq3qlt • 🧢 Bluesky: https://t.co/qDIqg1ddnN
Jesse Thorn 🤷�.. @JesseThorn
65K Followers 982 Following @Bullseye @JordanJesseGo #JJHo @MaxFunHQ @PutThisOn. Satin for them draws, velvet for the mic and a pound for the cause. Tips go to @AlOtroLado_org.
John Siracusa @siracusa
80K Followers 307 Following Programmer, tech writer, and co-host of Accidental Tech Podcast (@atpfm), @RecDiffs, and @robot_or_not. @[email protected]
Mike Monteiro, cisgen.. @monteiro
68K Followers 1K Following This is a personal account and does not reflect the opinions of my boss, who is an asshole. he/him https://t.co/oiYcmnwauq
Graham Clark @grahamclark
15K Followers 996 Following
Daniel Jalkut @danielpunkass
19K Followers 949 Following A bad man took over this network. Find me on https://t.co/1FxPZFyY6l, https://t.co/ctLJG84pkL, and ALL the great networks! He/him.
Neven Mrgan @mrgan
20K Followers 510 Following @[email protected] • Working on @Playdate, Pulp • Maker of games Blackbar, Grayout • Designer @panic • @[email protected] • One of the good ones • He/him
Sebastiaan de With @sdw
78K Followers 1K Following co-founder at @halidecamera, designer, photographer, dad. Dutchman in California. Yep, most photos here taken with an iPhone.
Alison Agosti @AlisonAgosti
172K Followers 1K Following Twitter Ent | Writer: Inside Job • Close Enough • Brooklyn 99 • Late Night with Seth Meyers • Several Well Meaning Yet Cancelled Shows • The Emmys Once
rands @rands
41K Followers 1K Following Writer of leadership things. Keynote enthusiast. I don’t tweet about my current gig. Also: @[email protected]
Christina Warren @film_girl
101K Followers 14K Following Sr Dev Advocate @GitHub, hosts: @ovrtrd @_RocketFM. Journalist turned developer. @[email protected]. Loves media, tech and OSS. opinions = own
Jason Sweeney @sween
908K Followers 244 Following limited edition, macaroni and glitter on construction paper
John Moe @johnmoe
41K Followers 1K Following Host of DEPRESH MODE and SLEEPING WITH CELEBRITIES. Author-The Hilarious World of Depression, other books. Speech maker, lead singer. https://t.co/LqK6EjcsGa
barthanie flat @CcSteff
5K Followers 236 Following I like to sleep late and party like Laverne and Shirley.
katie @katefeetie
9K Followers 2K Following I am in the cereal aisle of your local Target, realizing that my existence is meaningless, then buying Frosted Mini Wheats. writer @wknyc. she/her.
Dan Benjamin 👻 @danbenjamin
31K Followers 394 Following Media darling. Podcasting full time since 2006. Way of the future. Founder of https://t.co/Er87uHQxQ3.
Rolo Swaggins @roloswaggins
502 Followers 2K Following 40😭/pansexual/He/Him/His. local scene:my dog:digicams:cassettes:ally I am much nicer in person. Always pooping. #iPhone15pro
EmberFlame @Tina50627342815
79 Followers 1K Following There is no dress rehearsal in life, every day is a live broadcast.
Jewish Christina @gilyutin
192 Followers 676 Following Always in the market for funny stuff and dog videos. Love to hate on single-use plastics.
Cassandra guang @CassandraGuang9
195 Followers 1K Following
Michael Scott @MichaelSco59116
135 Followers 673 Following
Noneteast @noneteast33516
132 Followers 3K Following
JJ • yojj47 @yojj47
4K Followers 2K Following call me JJ! Creator in UEFN and Fortnite Creative • my creator code is yojj47 • my games have 200+ million plays • @404FNC Co-Founder, COO and Developer
Jason @virtualjsn
208 Followers 2K Following
Andrew Dunning @BetterGeology
558 Followers 825 Following Affiliated Researcher, Portland State University. Active Tectonics, paleoseismology, mapping, and volcanics in Oregon. I’m on YouTube too!
Halona @Halona676864
15 Followers 102 Following Hey 👋daddy👅 i m hot sexy freaky ❤️ I m down for hookup🍆 blowjob💦 HMU👅💦 PM me hot videos
Maryam Usman @MaryamU05343769
117 Followers 445 Following
Millie Jone @millie_jone
1K Followers 2K Following Golf, yoga, shopping, travel, cooking, reading, meditation, entertainment
Nick Baumann @NickBaumann
26K Followers 9K Following Deputy Politics Editor at @WashingtonPost | Pats fan. Eagle Scout. Beer pong aficionado. | 202.630.2380 | Usual disclaimers
David gomez @B10327811Barry
352 Followers 3K Following Greetings with respect and love to all trump lovers I admire and appreciate everybody who's perfect soul regards to Donald✝️🇺🇸❤️
Ethel @Ethel2337169
2 Followers 109 Following Building a successful business empire, one step at a time. Inspiring others to chase their dreams and reach their full potential. 🌟💼 #BusinessWoman #DreamBig
Liam Nelson @liamjnelson
78 Followers 86 Following The slenderest man. Comedian https://t.co/W29lKcv01v
Bella Bella @BellaBella45912
90 Followers 275 Following
Frozendog @Frozendog1105
1 Followers 11 Following
Sophie Su @kris_noc
19 Followers 110 Following If human is the measure of all things, what is the measure of human? / Life-long learner of human psyche
Cristal @tetheateig51158
54 Followers 2K Following Simples e fácil de aprender, fácil de dominar as habilidades de ganhar dinheiro com seu celular!
Ellen Cynthia @EllenCynth36044
0 Followers 70 Following
Amelia Lacy @Amelia2520Lacy
203 Followers 1K Following Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that.
Noughez @noughez69399
190 Followers 3K Following
James Alcorn @JamesAlcorn94
155 Followers 235 Following Board Director @weaviate_io @argilla_io @GalleySolutions @FeatureformML https://t.co/TNnnxI4FjL Observer/Investor @EnsoData @augmentaltech @FactoryAI_ @CoactiveAI + 🇦🇺
Daniel Coria @Coria2216
0 Followers 4 Following
Judith Austin @judith_aus67738
14 Followers 69 Following
Bren Vila @soybrenvila
862 Followers 945 Following Standupera, psicóloga, viajera. Aquí hay ojazos, locura y adicción al chocolate.
Adam Hong @adamfancypanda
122 Followers 294 Following
Tasha wilson Gilbert @WilsonGilb44809
6 Followers 93 Following
Plays JUNLPER in the .. @useyourloafman
111 Followers 167 Following When we were kids my sister once pooped in a mop bucket to avenge my honor.
Oops, bad post @OopsBadPost
538 Followers 2K Following I try to joke on here. I got memes. I said I got memes. Hold my rootbeer!
Adam A. Dmytriw @AdamDmytriw
3K Followers 1K Following Dual-Trained Endovascular Surgical & Diagnostic Neuroradiologist. Immunologist. Epidemiologist. @MassGeneralC. @OxfordMedSci. Head SoME @INR_WFITN.
marinette @marinette_ss
258 Followers 61 Following
Eldad Guetta @eldgue
124 Followers 433 Following
Ace 🐈⬛🍜�.. @bookmews
2K Followers 1K Following
Raval Sahil @ravalsahil1311
12 Followers 100 Following IT Engineering Student Focusing on AI/ML Chess Player Belive In Karma
navya achantani @navya_achantani
28 Followers 354 Following
TimothySch @timothy_sch
79 Followers 248 Following
Gi Ung Lee @kileeDev
4 Followers 46 Following
John Gruber @gruber
358K Followers 2K Following Threads: @gruber ★ Mastodon: https://t.co/zMmW95yISs ★ Bluesky: @gruber.foo
Cabel @cabel
85K Followers 564 Following I work at @panic we make apps and games. ✍️ Blog: https://t.co/WrULhBjGXJ • 🐘 Mastodon: https://t.co/CDQgBq3qlt • 🧢 Bluesky: https://t.co/qDIqg1ddnN
Jesse Thorn 🤷�.. @JesseThorn
65K Followers 982 Following @Bullseye @JordanJesseGo #JJHo @MaxFunHQ @PutThisOn. Satin for them draws, velvet for the mic and a pound for the cause. Tips go to @AlOtroLado_org.
John Siracusa @siracusa
80K Followers 307 Following Programmer, tech writer, and co-host of Accidental Tech Podcast (@atpfm), @RecDiffs, and @robot_or_not. @[email protected]
Graham Clark @grahamclark
15K Followers 996 Following
Neven Mrgan @mrgan
20K Followers 510 Following @[email protected] • Working on @Playdate, Pulp • Maker of games Blackbar, Grayout • Designer @panic • @[email protected] • One of the good ones • He/him
Sebastiaan de With @sdw
78K Followers 1K Following co-founder at @halidecamera, designer, photographer, dad. Dutchman in California. Yep, most photos here taken with an iPhone.
Alison Agosti @AlisonAgosti
172K Followers 1K Following Twitter Ent | Writer: Inside Job • Close Enough • Brooklyn 99 • Late Night with Seth Meyers • Several Well Meaning Yet Cancelled Shows • The Emmys Once
Jason Sweeney @sween
908K Followers 244 Following limited edition, macaroni and glitter on construction paper
John Moe @johnmoe
41K Followers 1K Following Host of DEPRESH MODE and SLEEPING WITH CELEBRITIES. Author-The Hilarious World of Depression, other books. Speech maker, lead singer. https://t.co/LqK6EjcsGa
Dan Benjamin 👻 @danbenjamin
31K Followers 394 Following Media darling. Podcasting full time since 2006. Way of the future. Founder of https://t.co/Er87uHQxQ3.
Amy Jane Gruber @AmyJane
50K Followers 341 Following And some things are over, and some things go on. And part of me you carry, and part of me is gone.
Jordan Morris @Jordan_Morris
35K Followers 1K Following Comedy writer, Podcast do-er, 2x Eisner nominee. New graphic novel "Youth Group" available for pre-order NOW! https://t.co/fhUd4ssnyB
Jason Kottke @jkottke
221K Followers 169 Following Not active here anymore. You can find me at https://t.co/rg05RrC6yW.
Christa Mrgan @antichrista
5K Followers 781 Following Taller than expected! ✨I make Videos & Podcasts @Panic✨ Please find me elsewhere on the internet 😌 she/her
Paul and Storm @paulandstorm
40K Followers 566 Following Two guys, lotsa songs, and a cruise (https://t.co/dEd4R6oaeO). 3 seasons of "MST3k", plus "Despicable Me 2" (long story). P=Paul, S=Storm in posts. Both he/him.
Starlee Kine @StarleeKine
53K Followers 704 Following
NUL Transportation @NUL_Transport
2K Followers 685 Following Northwestern University's Transportation Library. Find us also on Instagram: https://t.co/RYnGZ1r3Og…
AI For Humans Show @AIForHumansShow
2K Followers 371 Following AI For Humans is a podcast about artificial intelligence made by humans for humans. Created, produced & hosted by @attack & @gavinpurcell
Ray Hudson @RayHudson
170K Followers 31K Following Verbal gymnast,a former footballer & a Tamla-Motown man! Works for @SiriusXMFC,@CBSSports,@paramountplus +find me on @BookCameo
Erika Fatland @ErikaFatland
3K Followers 133 Following Norwegian author. Latest books: «Sovietistan», «The Border. A Journey Around Russia» and «High. A Journey Across the Himalaya».
Acknowledge A.I @acknowledgeai
15K Followers 1 Following Exploring ALL the latest news and entertainment in the rapidly evolving A.l universe ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀
Spencer Strider @SpencerSTRIDer
38K Followers 328 Following Atlanta Braves #99 | Clemson Baseball alum
Welcome to the Ump Sh.. @umpjob
144K Followers 7 Following Always make yourself bigger than the game • @verymlb
The Siberian Times @siberian_times
63K Followers 207 Following The Siberian Times - all about Siberia, in English
San Francisco Spurs @sfspurs
3K Followers 306 Following Twitter Home of The Official San Francisco Tottenham Hotspur Supporters Club - Our Home Pub is @DannyCoylesSF
Rural Indexing Projec.. @ruralindexing
79K Followers 637 Following Buildings, signs, and symbols indexed by keyword. Original photographic documentation since 2010.
Prompto! The Game @promptogame
1K Followers 9 Following 🕹️ The first AI generated game-show! Maybe. 🦾 Lovingly crafted w/GPT & Stable Diffusion. 🧠 Fleshy Assistants: @Attack | @GavinPurcell | @Bhsdrew
cats being weird litt.. @weirdlilguys
2.1M Followers 25 Following wlg fan club 🐈 dm for submissions + credit! • IG: @ catsbeingweirdlittleguys • partnerships: [email protected] • TEES N STICKERS 👇👇
Ashley Carman @ashleyrcarman
25K Followers 2K Following Reporter @business covering podcasting, music, & audio. Tip me on Signal: ashleycarman.01. Email is [email protected]. Sub to my newsletter below
Tom Gara @tomgara
70K Followers 2K Following writing and editing things. now: @meta, formerly @buzzfeednews, @wsj, @ft, views always my own, etc
Isaac Chotiner @IChotiner
111K Followers 1K Following New Yorker staff writer and Houston Rockets fan; formerly a staff writer at Slate and senior editor at The New Republic.
Jordan, Jesse, Go! @JordanJesseGo
2K Followers 182 Following Podcasting since 2007, on Twitter since 2022. Hosted by @jessethorn and @jordan_morris
Will Sloan @WillSloanEsq
23K Followers 1K Following Modern-day folk hero. Once met Dolph Lundgren. World-famous for @ImprtCinemaClub and @MichaelandUs. [email protected]
Mohana Ravindranath @ravindranize
7K Followers 3K Following Bay Area health tech reporter @statnews. Proud alum @POLITICO, @Washingtonpost, @Nextgov, @businessinsider. [email protected]. She/her.
Alex Shephard @alex_shephard
17K Followers 6K Following staff writer @newrepublic. cohost @mrdifficultpod. founded @fullstopmag with my friends. [email protected]
MLB Errors @mlberrors
104K Followers 8 Following "We made too many wrong mistakes" –Yogi Berra • @verymlb
Tim Dierkes @mlbtrgiants
1K Followers 0 Following
Maris Kreizman @mariskreizman
82K Followers 5K Following I run The Maris Review! author of I Want To Burn This Place Down, 2025 or so from @eccobooks
Michael Mignano @mignano
15K Followers 1K Following vc & partner @lightspeedvp. former ceo & co-founder anchor (acq. by @spotify, now @forpodcasters).
Rachel Cole @rmartincole
3K Followers 756 Following Libraries, transportation, design. Parent. Curator and Head of @NUL_Transport / transportationlibrary on IG. Header is from a media packet on the L-1011.
Dave Smith @redletterdave
24K Followers 1K Following editor @fortunemagazine - previously @themessenger @businessinsider @rww @inc @newsweek @usatoday
The Refresh @RefreshInsider
585 Followers 123 Following A real-time audio news show from @thisisinsider. Hosted by @rebeibarrac and @redletterdave. Powered by @spoolermedia. Follow us anywhere you listen to podcasts.
Five Books @five_books
44K Followers 1K Following Five Books is a library of knowledge, curating book recommendations on any topic. Experts recommend the five best books in their subject. https://t.co/MzOKjuzP3t
Kelna Beirut - كلن.. @KelnaBeirut
628 Followers 9 Following "كلنا بيروت" هي حركة سياسية ديموقراطية، تعتمد مبدأ العدالة الإجتماعية، تسعى الى تطبيق الدستور وإقامة الدولة المدنية في لبنان.
Ibrahim Mneimneh | ا.. @Ibrahim_mneimne
21K Followers 1K Following نائب في البرلمان اللبناني | Member of Lebanese Parliament https://t.co/qnU1iFWPbc
Elizabeth Lopatto @mslopatto
19K Followers 1K Following internet typist @verge. Tip me: [email protected]. also at [email protected] and https://t.co/fi3NC5YRf9 lol
Awkward Sports Moment.. @awkwardsport
34K Followers 0 Following “He passes it to the man, he shoots it.”
Rebeca Ibarra @RebeIbarraC
4K Followers 2K Following Mexican 🇲🇽 Journo 📻 🎙️ With work @thisisinsider @WNYC @WNYCstudios
spoolermedia @spoolermedia
126 Followers 30 Following We’re building new tools for innovative audio experiences.
Laura Hazard Owen @laurahazardowen
17K Followers 2K Following Editor of @niemanlab, mom of 3. DMs open. (I also write an occasional parenting newsletter: https://t.co/uOfiEAiJcK)
Aldin 🇧🇦 @aldin_aba
77K Followers 2K Following Conservative / Revenue professional 💵 Constantly striving for more coffee and news. ☕️📰 Military and Security enthusiast. Originating from Balkan Tribal Area.
The Kyiv Independent @KyivIndependent
2.1M Followers 37 Following Become a member: https://t.co/jsQiFkoveH One-time donation: https://t.co/eNwj76xa7a
Frank Langfitt @langfittnpr
21K Followers 3K Following NPR's Global Democracy correspondent on Investigations desk. Previously: London, Shanghai, Nairobi, Beijing. Tips to Frank Langfitt on Signal and Telegram.
Point Reyes Books @PointReyesBooks
4K Followers 310 Following A bookstore at the edge of a National Seashore. Owners: @mollybparent and @rs_sparks.
₠ @TheUniverse
9K Followers 990 Following AKA @YACHT / Terraform sci-fi anthology out now with @mcdbooks / I wrote a book called Broad Band / [email protected] if you’d rather
Ghost @Ghost
49K Followers 2K Following Turn your audience into a business. Publishing, newsletters, memberships and subscriptions — all in one place. Decentralised. Open source. 0% payment fees.
playoff paint @nba_paint
248K Followers 1K Following “really good nba art” - me • @reallygoodpaint • merch in bio
Liminal Spaces @SpaceLiminalBot
1.3M Followers 1 Following Trip on the verge of reality || if you want any content removed, please dm @artumouza || OP sources on @LiminalLinks
Josh Wardle @powerlanguish
58K Followers 242 Following powerlanguage. I created Place and The Button @reddit. And more recently Wordle. @[email protected]
Using the @Athletics situation as an excuse to shit on A’s fans or Oakland as a city tells me you don’t know fuck about either one of those things so maybe shuuuuuut the fuck up.
Wow. Actual painting found of Jesus in the year 32 AD with a copy of Megan Fox's book of poetry "Pretty Boys Are Poisonous"
New Tool: Spooler Maps! Today we’re launching a simple tool that allows creators to publish content easily to a map, and then embed that map on your site or app to share it with your listeners. See Spooler Maps in action, and read more about it here: spooler.fm/blog/announcin…
Classic Gulman: Defense Against The Crane Kick #KarateKid #CobraKai #MisfitBook
RIP louise glück. when i was an undergrad in her poetry workshop she taught me something i’ve never forgotten: that i should stop writing poetry
At Jonestown, 906 cultists died of drinking poisoned Kool-Aid, as well as the first officer on the scene, Jeff "Don't Mind If I Do" Ramirez.
despite pouring years into learning and doing the monster mash at a high level, the results have never once come close to a graveyard smash. prompted by a conversation with my spouse, I’ve decided to take some time off to reflect on why I’m doing this
When you check the furniture website and the home page says "We are the tellers of a story not commonly told" and it's like okay I guess they're not doing a sale
Playoff baseball starts today. 12 teams chasing one dream. Here are my rooting interests, in order. 1. I 2. don’t 3. care 4. who 5. wins 6. as 7. long 8. as 9. it’s 10. not 11. the 12. Dodgers
you know sometimes it’s just better to avoid using the latin loanwords
sorry I said “that isn’t helping us beat trump” when you were loading the dishes incorrectly
I made a mixtape for you but it’s just 200 3-second tracks of the noise made by the tractor beam in galaga
Everyone knows that alcoholism is bad. Drink too much, you'll fry your brain, or so the wisdom goes. But it's also common knowledge that a little bit of alcohol is good for you. I mean, just take the conventional epidemiological result: Clearly people who used to drink and…
feeling like an olympian god because I’m repeatedly pressing spacebar on my laptop, stopping and starting a movie I’m watching in fullscreen. this narrative goes nowhere without me. these characters’ relationship to time is my plaything
if i’ve learned anything as a southern man it’s that you can’t matthew mcconaughey your way out of a problem that you walton gogginsed your way into
me and my buddies have invented an app that will completely revolutionize not only the way sisyphus pushes the boulder up the hill but also the way it inevitably rolls back down, and we're currently seeking investments from innovation minded folks in financial angel spaces
@Stephenmarler1 @JesseThorn "We see this." No you fucking don't. You don't see or know anything. You're a total stranger creeping on someone's family.
@scottsimpson @hotdogsladies @adamlisagor *beep-bip-beep* urgent Fishsticks Watch: posts.cv/undefined/8iV5…
testing out gmail’s AI email writing feature prompt: “ask my cat to finally admit she can speak english”
me on twitter // 𝕞𝕖 𝕠𝕟 𝕏
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