lead tampon in me while i eat my listeria meat & cyclospora riddle veggies and wash it all down with microplastic water. afterwards, i inhale wildfire smoke and listen to the serene sounds of the data center built across the street. there’s a flock cam too recording it all
JUST IN: Mamdani proposes banning NYC landlords from requiring both proof of income & a credit check — while forcing landlords or brokers to pay any credit-check fees.
I am in tears. President Trump just announced our VETERANS will replace illegals as truck drivers ❤️
“Any American that’s driven a heavy truck for our military is automatically eligible for a commercial drivers license”
THIS IS HUGE NEWS 🔥
When did smoking weed stop giving you that creative genius flow and just turn you into a couch vegetable scrolling TikTok for 3 hours? I miss actually finishing projects while high.
I just left Costco and I feel like an idiot...
The people in front of me bought $1,200 in top shelf alcohol, cases of redbull, and steaks.
They split it up and paid for the steaks and redbull with EBT, and then pulled out a giant wad of $100 bills to pay for the alcohol in cash.
WTF am I doing with my life??? I haven't bought steak in years - I haven't bought alcohol in decades. Too expensive. On the rare occasion we eat out, I buy the cheapest thing on the menu.
Yet these people can just casually drop thousands of dollars of my tax money on things I can't even afford?? Just to drive home to a taxpayer funded house nicer than I live in.
We are completely destroyed as a society.
I shoved a piece of crayon up my nose as a kid and had to go to the hospital to get it removed. A nurse tried giving me a coloring book and crayons for being a good boy and my dad said "don't give that retard anymore crayons"
My son called me from jail at 2AM and the first thing he said was "don't tell mom."
I told mom.
Right after I hung up, I rolled over and said "your son's in jail" and she sat straight up like she'd never been asleep a day in her life.
Now. My son is 29. Not a kid. Owns a truck, pays his bills, shows up to things on time. This wasn't a pattern. This was a Tuesday night going completely sideways for reasons I was about to hear.
We drove to the station.
On the way, my wife asked questions I didn't have answers to.
Her: What did he do?
Me: He didn't say.
Her: Was he alone?
Me: He didn't say that either.
Her: What did he say?
Me: Don't tell mom.
She stared at the windshield for the rest of the drive.
We got there. Talked to an officer who had the energy of a man who deeply regretted his career. He explained that my son and two of his friends had been arrested for trespassing.
On a golf course.
At midnight.
With a shopping cart.
I had to ask him to repeat it.
The officer did not enjoy repeating it.
Apparently the three of them had taken a shopping cart from a nearby grocery store, brought it to the golf course after closing, and were racing it down the hills in the dark.
For fun.
Grown men.
One of them is an accountant.
My wife stood next to me absorbing this information like a woman being slowly lowered into cold water.
Her: A shopping cart.
Officer: Yes ma'am.
Her: On a golf course.
Officer: Correct.
Her: Why?
Officer: Ma'am I stopped asking why about ten years into this job.
They released him into our custody because technically nothing was damaged, the cart was returned, and the golf course manager was more confused than angry.
My son walked out looking like exactly what he was: a 29-year-old man who had just spent four hours in a holding cell rethinking a decision made at 10:30 PM.
He saw my wife's face and immediately said:
Son: Before you say anything—
Her: Don't.
Son: It was Marcus's idea.
Her: Don't do that either.
We drove home in silence so thick you could park in it.
Around the third traffic light my son said quietly from the back seat:
Son: We were actually going pretty fast on that third hill.
I made a noise that was not quite a laugh.
My wife turned and looked at me with a face that said if you laugh I will divorce you in this car.
I did not laugh.
I waited until I got to the bathroom.
My son paid a small fine. Did some community service. Still brings up the speed of the third hill like it's something to be proud of.
His friend the accountant put it on his calendar as an annual tradition.
My wife has not forgiven Marcus.
She forgave my son by Christmas because she always does.
But every time he visits now, she looks at him for just a second longer than necessary.
Like she's calculating the odds.
He was burning alive, yet he kept re-entering the burning Bradley Fighting Vehicle until all six soldiers and the Iraqi interpreter were safe. Burns covered 72% of his body. His first words were, ‘How are my boys?’ He died three weeks later. It took 16 years for him to receive the Medal of Honor. HIS NAME IS SERGEANT FIRST CLASS ALWYN C. CASHE, NEVER FORGET!!!
BREAKING: Iran's IRGC announces that it is officially closing the Strait of Hormuz "until further notice."
The announcement came after Iran fired a warning shot at a vessel which it said was attempting to cross the Strait of Hormuz without authorization.
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