Timothy McSweeney @mcsweeneys
The official twitter feed of McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, & McSweeney's Books. Publisher of @illustoria and @believermag. mcsweeneys.net San Francisco, CA Joined April 2009-
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"Reproductive rights, equal wages, and the ability to exist are all super overrated. It’s much easier to wake up at 4 a.m., put on full makeup, and hand-make cheese for your frittata than it is to lead a board of directors meeting." mcsweeneys.net/articles/good-…
"If you hold Grendel accountable and kill him now, then he will eat you on the basis of some technicality. But if you set him free, he will find a different reason to eat you." mcsweeneys.net/articles/grend…
“Go to Max’s Kansas City and order a beef shish kebab.” = You are Fran Lebowitz in 1978. mcsweeneys.net/articles/what-…
"You know my good friend Ralph, don’t you, gentlemen? Ralph Waldo Emerson? Good friend of mine. He’d get a kick out of this crevasse. He, too, would weep, as I am weeping now, at the delectability of this rip." mcsweeneys.net/articles/by-go…
STRUNK RULE: Use orthodox spelling TRUMP RULE: If Shakespeare (who is doing a terrific job) can spell things his way, so can you. mcsweeneys.net/articles/trump…
"Anyway, we were thinking of making the scene at Dino’s Bar & Grill like we used to, but unfortunately, the place burned down a few years ago under highly suspicious circumstances. The good news is they replaced it with a Panera Bread." mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-b…
"You say the word, bro, and we can take this out back behind the bar right now, asshole. There’s a family of robins who nest on a fire escape in the alley, and if you watch them for long enough, admire their tenderness, and share in their vulnerability." mcsweeneys.net/articles/do-we…
"It’s weird that we keep treating the bricks like something that must be harvested intermittently. They’re bricks. It’s not like they’re going anywhere." mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-d…
"Get a good look at yourself in the dim lighting. You look great. Remember this because you’re about to look more vulnerable than a baby antelope at the watering hole during lion lunch hour." mcsweeneys.net/articles/how-t…
"Are the winged birds final, or placeholder? Some kind of weird stuff going on with those. Just want to get some clarification before giving more feedback." mcsweeneys.net/articles/clien…
"Eleanor Rigby Rises" (2034): Eleanor’s lonesome life is turned upside down when a raccoon gives her an enchanted jar of faces, allowing her to become anyone and risk losing herself in the process. mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-n…
"You know what your problem is? You don’t even think about these IHOP novelty menus, because you just expect somebody else to handle them. Well, who do you think tries them? The IHOP novelty menu fairy? No, it’s me." mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-tri…
“This could only happen to me / Who has been through anything like this?” mcsweeneys.net/articles/morri…
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"Every writer is naturally influenced by those who came before. I am privileged to have received many emails that were so inane and poorly written that I couldn’t believe their authors maintained any self-respect." mcsweeneys.net/articles/ackno…
"Okay, seriously though, thou needst to chill out, a little bit, with the 'of woman born' stuff." mcsweeneys.net/articles/macbe…
"My tenth-grade ELA class when I ask them to write one (1) poem." mcsweeneys.net/articles/other…
"The odds of writing one book are zero, but writing two books is so easy anyone should be able to do it." mcsweeneys.net/articles/write…
“The High Line is an abandoned elevated train track where you can relax and be in nature.” = You were born and raised in New York City and never bothered to get a driver’s license. mcsweeneys.net/articles/what-…
"See how your colleague Hudson uses his inside voice when he is inside? There have been dozens of times that you have what we consider an 'outside voice' when you are inside our office, and it’s been disturbing the important spreadsheets we create." mcsweeneys.net/articles/hr-pu…
Matt Bell @mdbell79
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14K Followers 2K Following Editor @The_Belladonnas. Writing in The New Yorker, McSweeneys, Gilmore Girls: The Official Cookbook kristenmmm on InstaAnna Gazmarian @anna_gazmarian
8K Followers 2K Following DEVOUT: A MEMOIR OF DOUBT @simonschuster//Lover of burpees//Freelance Editor & Book Coach//Rep: @dani_bukieVanessa Chan @vanjchan
13K Followers 3K Following 🇲🇾 author. 20+ countries THE STORM WE MADE⚡️ from @MSRBooks & @HodderBooks (GMA & BBC Radio 2 book club pick). Also THE UGLIEST BABIES IN THE WORLD👶🏻 soon.Melissa Febos @melissafebos
32K Followers 2K Following Bestselling author of ABANDON ME, GIRLHOOD—@bookcritics winner, & BODY WORK; prof @uiowa; @NEAarts, @GuggFellows, @BlackMtnInst Fellow. She. Views mine.Christopher Monks @crmonks
6K Followers 792 Following Managing editor of the humor site @McSweeneys Internet Tendency. Author of The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life. Fragile Sixers, Dolphins, & Red Sox fan.Paul Lisicky @Paul_Lisicky
14K Followers 10K Following My seven books include LATER, THE NARROW DOOR, and SONG SO WILD AND BLUE: A LIFE WITH JONI MITCHELL forthcoming from HarperOne on 2/25/2025 🏳️🌈🦌🐊Lilly Dancyger @lillydancyger
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1 Followers 87 FollowingStephanie M.López @SML_w_BIG_Hoops
38 Followers 318 Following 🇨🇴🇨🇴 PhD Candidate @cornell | Colombian and Venezuelan Lit and Film | Feeling, Maternidad, Migration| ‘23-‘24 CROSSINGS Mellon Graduate Fellow @sochumOnyx Flytrap #freePal.. @OFlytrap
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324 Followers 1K Following The last remnants of my Catholic guilt. Also, fun pop-culture references and memes. Also, my very serious political opinions.Tom Kelly @whatsustainsus
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6 Followers 435 FollowingLauren Groff @legroff
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6K Followers 792 Following Managing editor of the humor site @McSweeneys Internet Tendency. Author of The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life. Fragile Sixers, Dolphins, & Red Sox fan.Paul Lisicky @Paul_Lisicky
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5K Followers 2K Following Writer @newyorker @mcsweeneys @electriclit @the_rumpus @madmagazine @parentsmagazine etc. Now I mostly garden. 🌈 she/herThe Rumpus @The_Rumpus
110K Followers 611 Following Est. 2009. One of the longest running indie online literary & culture magazines around. Read the magazine. Join the Poetry Book Club. Become a Member!Ploughshares @pshares
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11K Followers 4K Following Satire and humor by women & writers of marginalized genders, for everyone. Black Lives MatterJames Yeh @jamesyeh
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8K Followers 4K Following mostly always reading. better on insta @elenawonders. listen to my podcast @bookmeetcuteKerri Arsenault @KerriArsenault
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1K Followers 1K Following Author of SPILT MILK (@mcsweeneys). @ShortStoryAward winner. Fellow @MacDowell1907 @Center4Fiction l Creative Writing Director @DrewUniversity | she/her@mcsweeneys I love this! A fun interactive format.
Believer classifieds are on sale this weekend! Just $1/word for your ad printed in the magazine for all of time: store.mcsweeneys.net/products/belie…
@mcsweeneys This wasn’t what I expected. It’s better.
A lovely evening at Phil and Erin Stead’s studio, celebrating @sqorio and his incredibly imaginative, beautifully written debut novel, #PayasYouGo. @mcsweeneys
Yeah!!! When are people going to start leaving their 3yos alone at home so they don’t bother this specific guy while getting the food they need to live???
Parents. Stop bringing your annoying shithead kids to the supermarket.
@mcsweeneys Wow. Spent a few years marveling at docs talking long QT waves in the ER, but this medical saga is a corker! Congrats on great medical care and on a very interesting and well-told tale. 💪
@mcsweeneys I went to a beer share tonight. 35? aged stouts, 6 sours, 10 barley wines, one mead, a homebrew something, and probably 10 more stouts 😂
@mcsweeneys I am an English teacher. I was at a district event with eight female teachers and one male teacher. Guess who was doing all the talking?
@mcsweeneys Thank you for radically shifting my mood today with this ridiculously funny story 🤩
And still so much more. Pick up a copy of Issue 145 at your local bookstore or subscribe to read it all online today. Print and digital subs are 14.5% off through the weekend: thebeliever.net/subscribe
Our spring issue is hot off the presses! Here’s a glance at what you’ll find inside: thebeliever.net/product/spring…
@mcsweeneys For a second I thought this was serious and then I thought, "is this McSweeney's?"
Aye @mcsweeneys this you???