M.T. Foyer @MTFoyer

Breaking News: JD Vance is a time-traveling snuffleupagus groomer who murders nursing home members with fat burritos of glitter and glass to draw attention to the suffering of Trump's poll numbers.

JD Vance should never be booked on another cable news show after admitting Trump world completely fabricated the hoax about Haitian migrants in Ohio eating cats and dogs. What a shocking admission on live TV.

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M.T. Foyer @MTFoyer

2 years ago

I've had this question nagging me for years: how do people have money for stuff?

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M.T. Foyer @MTFoyer

2 years ago

@tmbg I bought this CD with my OWN MONEY in middle school. I had around 6 CDs at 10 cassettes total at the time, so this was very formative for my musical taste. Used to play along with the album on my drum set too. Big thanks to you, @tmbg

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M.T. Foyer @MTFoyer

2 years ago

@rebeccawatson Those fancy plants think they're better than you and me.

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M.T. Foyer @MTFoyer

2 years ago

A lot of people avoid pain, but I find pain and struggle builds character and grit. That's why I eat the end slices of loaves of bread. #alphamale

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M.T. Foyer @MTFoyer

2 years ago

When Lazarus died the second time, his buddies all said in comedic sitcom unison, "Here we go again!" (freeze frame, roll credits)

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What Is It Like to Be a Philosopher? @CliffordSosis

2 years ago

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M.T. Foyer @MTFoyer

2 years ago

Some people are into heavy metal, but I've stopped eating lead and I've never felt better.

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M.T. Foyer @MTFoyer

2 years ago

Parenting is wild. I asked a parents forum a simple question and I got back so many disperate answers: "You're a moron!" "My God! What is wrong with you?" "You should not have children, you psycho!" I just wanted to know how many dirty stones my toddler should be eating each day.