SecurityProblems @InfoSecProblems

Spectre compromised all modern processors. Good thing your hospital systems still use 486s running Windows 98!

@NaomiBuckwalter @VessOnSecurity @jeremiahg Wow. Choice of word grouping seriously changes meaning on this one (i.e. "End" "User Security Awareness" vs "End User" "Security Awareness")

Sure, that email from the Nigerian prince is probably a scam...but suppose it isn't. You don't want to die wondering, "What if?"

Did banking on your phone, now a hacker is buying brews and all-dressed chips with the money you'd saved to put a new tranny in yer truck.

You're running TWO antivirus suites, so your machine is safer than a hen in a razorwire coop with a pit bull guard.

You heard the government was watching you through the microwave, so you cooked up some nachos naked. Let the punishment fit the crime!

Your dog's name is a pretty easy password to guess. Better throw a one on the end of it, just to be safe.

Some hackers tried to ransomware your photos. Joke's on them, 'cause you'd prefer to forget that shit anyway.

@InfoSecProblems I just hope it doesn't have the same problem as mama's Galaxy Note 7 'cause....hooooweeee!

Finally, someone invented the technological equivalent of hanging a set of chrome balls off yer tow hitch! x.com/CNET/status/83…

CNET @CNET

10 years ago

Here's a "smart condom" that tracks thrust speed and velocity and lets you share the data. But hey, no pressure! 🍆 cnet.co/2mQuVyK

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A "Microsoft support" fella called to fix a problem you hadn't even noticed and it only cost a month's rent. That's service, right there!

Yahoo! leaked your account creds again. Twice was bad; but, three times in six months is enough to make a fella throw hands.

Your cousin still uses MD5 for hashing. Of course, he kept a bobcat as a house pet, so maybe don't follow his example is what I'm sayin'.

Yer machine has had to be re-imaged so many times, the Geek Squad has started calling it "Madonna".

Your inbox has seen so much phishing that it's getting an episode on the next season of "Deadliest Catch".

You plan to keep your data protected with hand-rolled encryption. Okay, Bud, maybe it's time to let someone else do your thinkin' for ya.

Your rooted cell phone contains more malware than a copy of Photoshop on Pirate Bay.

That dreamcatcher on yer rear view didn't stop a hacker from steerin' your smart car into a hay field.

Your Blu-ray won't play movies 'cause it's too busy in a bot net, sendin' out boner pill spam.

You open every attachment that gets mailed to you, 'cause sometimes you just wanna watch the world burn.