Today is not a good day. I can't stop crying. I hurt so fucking bad. I try so damn hard to not fall apart but every day it gets harder. I push my feelings down and put on a mask. I'm not just the pissed off dad. I'm the broken dad. The dad that is in excruciating pain because
Uzi's gone. The dad that hates waking up because it's another day to face this agonizing truth. I fucking hate it. My soul, my whole being, died with Uzi, and I will never be the person I once was, ever again. My closest friends are others who lost their children, they know
how this feels but I feel selfish if I say that I can't handle today. I want to call my mom, but don't want to burden her at work, because I know if my children called me at work explaining they felt like how I do now, I'd drop everything and put my job on the line.
I don't want to exist, and not in a suicidal way. I'm just tired of hurting. I'm exhausted. But I can't and wont stop. I have to be "the pissed off dad" version of myself, because I can't stand to know that there will inevitably be more parents that end up in our shoes.
I hate myself. I hate myself for all of the missed opportunities that I took for granted. I hate that I poured blood sweat and tears into a job that inevitably proved to me that I was just another cog in the machine and has let me go.
I hate that my life is in shambles and as much as I try to take a step forward, I get knocked backwards two...Cliche, I know. I just want to feel happiness again. I want to feel the warmth of the sunlight instead of the coldness that has consumed me.
@BCross052422 I pray that you heal and thank you for using this energy to prevent this. I can’t imagine your pain.
@BCross052422 We are praying for you daily. Thank you for sharing with us, allowing us to offer what consolation we can. We will keep up the fight for change.🙏❤️
@BCross052422 I'm so sorry Brett ❤️
@BCross052422 I can't imagine. More of us with you than them.
@BCross052422 Today i’m looking at pictures of Uziyah Garcia. Of your son Uzi. I love his shaggy hair. His kind gentle eyes. I’m learning everything I can about him. It’s painful but I promise you, Uzi won’t be forgotten. You aren’t alone in how you feel. He should be here. We need your voice.
@BCross052422 Sending you love and light.
@BCross052422 Sending you love and praying for your journey ahead, brother. Can’t imagine what you’re feeling, but lots of love and respect to you for your resilience. I know you’re still making Uzi proud. ❤️🙏