Today is not a good day. I can't stop crying. I hurt so fucking bad. I try so damn hard to not fall apart but every day it gets harder. I push my feelings down and put on a mask. I'm not just the pissed off dad. I'm the broken dad. The dad that is in excruciating pain because
Uzi's gone. The dad that hates waking up because it's another day to face this agonizing truth. I fucking hate it. My soul, my whole being, died with Uzi, and I will never be the person I once was, ever again. My closest friends are others who lost their children, they know
how this feels but I feel selfish if I say that I can't handle today. I want to call my mom, but don't want to burden her at work, because I know if my children called me at work explaining they felt like how I do now, I'd drop everything and put my job on the line.
I don't want to exist, and not in a suicidal way. I'm just tired of hurting. I'm exhausted. But I can't and wont stop. I have to be "the pissed off dad" version of myself, because I can't stand to know that there will inevitably be more parents that end up in our shoes.
I hate myself. I hate myself for all of the missed opportunities that I took for granted. I hate that I poured blood sweat and tears into a job that inevitably proved to me that I was just another cog in the machine and has let me go.
I hate that my life is in shambles and as much as I try to take a step forward, I get knocked backwards two...Cliche, I know. I just want to feel happiness again. I want to feel the warmth of the sunlight instead of the coldness that has consumed me.
@BCross052422 Unthinkable evil allowed by blatant cowardice has been placed at your souls front door. No real man, no real father would feel any different than you feel. Your pain is never ending cause your love was never ending.
@BCross052422 I'm so sorry Brett. We're all ready to stand with you.
@BCross052422 I'm sorry seems so little however? I deeply am. 💔😢
@BCross052422 I’m sorry Brett. I hear you loud and clear. Thank you for being so vulnerable and raw. I hope that this terribleness that you feel passes soon and gives you a break. You are not alone.
@BCross052422 While there's nothing I can say....just know there are many complete strangers like me who keep you in our hearts.
@BCross052422 My heart is breaking for you. I'm praying for you to get through this hour, this day. Please reach out to those who want to help.
@BCross052422 Sending love from Australia.
@BCross052422 I’m so sorry Brett. No words others than my heart goes out to you and I will pray you ❤️
@BCross052422 I also want to say that everyday you fight for gun control - you have made a difference - I’m so sorry your son is gone