smut smackdown (bsky mostly) @suesswassersee
• Mistress of the Estate and its Minor Charges • Hospital Chaplain • Abortion Doula • she/her • Disaster Bisexual • South Side Best Side • Lake Michigan, 41.7° & 45.3° Joined April 2008-
Tweets50K
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Thinking about the immortal 6000 year old dog tumor STD that still has the DNA of the original dog
We were getting ready to go to a party and I asked my husband if he thought I was dressed like a dad and he looked at me and said, so sincerely and positively, "you look like a divorced dad who is really trying to get back out there."
Nothing on the internet has continued to give me as much joy as this Vine
Nothing on the internet has continued to give me as much joy as this Vine
you know there was that one family whose entire cabinet was gladiator cups
@kimischilling Cities are so good when you don’t have a bitch in your ear telling you it’s a dangerous hellscape
Always loved this conversation “Isn’t the crime really bad?” “No” “Really? I’m pretty sure it is” “Well I actually live there and that’s fake” Rinse, repeat for every city I’ve ever lived in
Always loved this conversation “Isn’t the crime really bad?” “No” “Really? I’m pretty sure it is” “Well I actually live there and that’s fake” Rinse, repeat for every city I’ve ever lived in
I cannot stop thinking about the choice to point guns at students who spent their entire childhoods training to survive too frequent school shootings and who are out protesting because students half way across the world are being murdered America hates its kids so fucking much
Lola's favorite person (my 13yo) walked her friend to her door and she is CONCERNED
Oh I think some police are very much in sight
Oh I think some police are very much in sight
I spelled her name wrong but whatever, she doesn't deserve respect
Chicagoans when the sun comes out
Personally I am rooting for her to just keep announcing other things she killed. “Sadly, on a farm, you have to made a lot of hard decisions. Like the time I pushed my uncle under a combine.”
Personally I am rooting for her to just keep announcing other things she killed. “Sadly, on a farm, you have to made a lot of hard decisions. Like the time I pushed my uncle under a combine.”
When fascism come to the US it will be in the form of bipartisanship.
When fascism come to the US it will be in the form of bipartisanship.
The "advance approval" requirement for signs/tents during daytime was added a day before the most recent protest. It changed rules that had been in place for decades. It was clearly intended to disadvantage this particular speech. Do not trust IU's flacks.
The "advance approval" requirement for signs/tents during daytime was added a day before the most recent protest. It changed rules that had been in place for decades. It was clearly intended to disadvantage this particular speech. Do not trust IU's flacks.
My God
Americans can’t just casually fly to Iran babes it’s a whole thing
Americans can’t just casually fly to Iran babes it’s a whole thing
Percentage of the population that can hold a conversation in Icelandic
Why is every deodorant company now obsessed with telling us it can be used on balls
Look at those little guys
1. The entire point of those w/ privilege is to use it esp at a protest 2. She was literally interfering with a student getting arrested & yelling it out in order to intervene, allow access & dissuade them. 3. She absolutely did not think her yelling that out would protect her.
1. The entire point of those w/ privilege is to use it esp at a protest 2. She was literally interfering with a student getting arrested & yelling it out in order to intervene, allow access & dissuade them. 3. She absolutely did not think her yelling that out would protect her.
I Am Curious (Yellow .. @BvrlyTweetmaker
3K Followers 1K Following There's always barber college. (he/him)
Mel @Melethonomia
4K Followers 4K Following Your average middle aged queer lesbian dork. OFMD and Deadloch obsessed. Spoonie. she/they
horse massacre @torqpenderloin
8K Followers 1K Following the fifth pillar of heaven プロレス | WrestlingBrain on twitch - Mondays at 9 pm central
moosh 🧜🏼♂�.. @ofmooshd
4K Followers 2K Following she/her. queer. 30s. ofmd, rhys darby, fandom nonsense. ao3 in linktree! 🏳️🌈🏴☠️🔞
Bea #LongLiveOFMD �.. @beabonnet29
4K Followers 2K Following #AdoptOurCrew 37 yo bi mom, white, minors DNI 🔞one of the 4 horseman
katie dzwierzynski @kdzwierzynski
5K Followers 3K Following yes to sports, sunsets, dessert, dogs, books, and puns. no to vegetables and cold. news editor/football hollerer/#hallsnark-er/; @uofsc and @medillschool alumna
Eve 🏴☠️➡�.. @sirencalll
2K Followers 997 Following you are no fucking mermaid 🌊 • celebrity chef 🏳️🌈🇲🇽 main: OFMD 🏴☠️ • others: Good Omens • RWRB • Multi ☕️⬇️
Ikea Monkey Coat @the_veriest_
1K Followers 968 Following She/they. Life stuff, yarn stuff, books, cannibals, whales, guys on boats. Pro-ship. NSFW.
Wes Manderson 💜�.. @wesmanderson
1K Followers 2K Following they/them. 30s. chaos bi. woke and ghey. ring pop fiancé. PeachCakes Supremacy 🍑🍰. SMAUs 📌 Kraken Karaoke & Clouds Crash.
G❤️🔥 @radicallysoft
2K Followers 1K Following I take pictures of actors and friends in 0.5 during cons (see pinned twt) 👽 member of the LGBTQIAO3 community: bi/pan 🏴☠️ Sometimes i write. Minors DNI.
White Lion Fan Club @hockeenight
4K Followers 4K Following A #smirkingnobody-Told Jim Belushi to eat shit, 6/15/2015. Len Dykstra called me a pussy, 7/15/21. Florida Man from Chicagoland. profile pic by @kkalina71
✨JessieB✨ @edteachseawitch
2K Followers 1K Following OFMD✌️♥️🏴☠️🔞 I love seeing diversity in film, music, storytelling and art. Mushrooms, magic and music, baby. Polyam, demi/pan, white, ND momma.
Stiney #CrewForLife �.. @DrdPirateStiney
3K Followers 4K Following They/Them - Queer - 40s - BLM - 🔞 Come inside, the shows about to start Guaranteed to blow your head apart
Molly | 💥 🍀 �.. @MarriedState
2K Followers 871 Following 🌟 30s 🌟 she/her 🌟 literally wrote a book about being ace/demi 🌟 Stede-coded half of @flufftwins 🌟 @manicfanfic's #1 fan 🌟 Icon by @buumbaby_
kate 🍊 #LongLiveOF.. @marmalady99
1K Followers 1K Following Our Flag Means Death | 42 | bi | spoonie | book nerd | 🔞| tumblr and discord marmalady99 bluesky marmalady
Jay 🇵🇸 SJ Galax.. @gayjeris
2K Followers 570 Following organizer for @OurFlagMaD (formerly OFFP) changing the occupation on my driver's license to queer icon 👉👉 30s, occasionally nsfw, they/them 👈👈
master cas 👻🧶�.. @gentlepanpirate
2K Followers 889 Following hi, all! ★ 🏴☠️🩷💛🩵🏳️⚧️📝 minors dni 🙅🏻#OurFlagForPalestine @OurFlagMaD mad fuckin lad at fundraisers 🦾 drag king 🕺🏼 fiber artist 🧶
ots 🍉 | Free Pales.. @221_Otsanda
3K Followers 3K Following Queer cis-ish (she/they) white bi. 30s. Musician.
Ma__riah @Mariah322439082
25 Followers 2K Following
e @pliplup12
76 Followers 247 Following
Abdullah Omar🇵🇸 @Abdullah_Om3r03
40K Followers 16K Following Just your average 23-year-old Palestinian trying to survive the genocide in Gaza 🙏💔
Seth Wispelwey 🇵�.. @RevSethDub
3K Followers 1K Following minister for economic justice @unitedchurch // views my own // i love whales // free Palestine 🍉 // he/him
Hayley ➡️Basingst.. @heyhayley
2K Followers 881 Following Henry the Hoover influencer. Queer/polyam/ADHD. #1 Ed Teach Defender. Godzilla girly (gn). Local Cryptid. pfp @bolasuu MINORS DNI
Cara Zelaya @carazelaya
24K Followers 6K Following Director of Social at @RewireNewsGroup. All things progressive by day, podcasting about holiday movies over at @12dayspod, loving my town all other times.
LouiseZ @LouiseZ07426740
7 Followers 165 Following Supporter of Wisconsin Badgers Women Athletes, former college lacrosse player (50 yrs ago)! 🇺🇦
Kellie @brim1kellie
212 Followers 3K Following
Socialists For Pritzk.. @PritzkerForPrez
16K Followers 1K Following Our simple vision: A Big Boy in the White House. 🇺🇸 Merch store closed for now.
Laura 🏴☠️ @Luvmarksthespot
678 Followers 3K Following I do fan things again because OFMD🏴☠️ she/they, 18+ follows, no minors #LongLiveOFMD
Tampa Palace @CPFC_Tampa
3K Followers 3K Following Supporting the Famous Red & Blue from Tampa, FL and the surrounding Tampa Bay Area 🦅
Graham Friday @GFriday
594 Followers 2K Following Carve a hole in the rain for ya ⟨ Full 93° ZAGREB⟩
Briadactyl @chicagoflaneuse
77 Followers 703 Following FOREVER HEARTBROKEN OVER THE DEATH OF MY PURPLE TOILET
Cydonie 🏳️�.. @mausers
415 Followers 1K Following Librarian, mom, gamer, reader. Queer, fat, and saltier than a Dead Sea mermaid. She/they. Ex lurker, loves you all.
Tianne stewart @Tiannestewart30
13 Followers 79 Following ⏱24HOUR ACTIVE ⚒BITCOIN MINING 💰BUY/SELL BITCOIN 📊FOREX SIGNALS PROVIDER 💯PROFITS PAYOUT 🏧EARN $
Heatherpedia @heatherpedia
468 Followers 848 Following queer stay at home mom. cta bus stan. she/her. now with nascent substack!
Markayla D Grogan @markayladgrogan
304 Followers 4K Following Facebook Profile : Markayla D Grogan 💋 Birthday : August 13th, 1998 Loving my father.
Elon musk’s @MuskElon05115
21 Followers 1K Following
Alison ➡️ Chicago.. @Alimasin
548 Followers 909 Following Give me back my blue shit, Steve || she/her, late 30s, writing about pirates (snake_necklace on ao3)
Stede Bonnet, Starshi.. @GentlemanPieRat
911 Followers 281 Following Sam, 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️Artsy outsider. Tender as hell. Aspiring zaddy. I may be landed gentry, but I'm thrilled to be granted re-entry into Earth's atmosphere. 💫
Josiah @GreenEggsNHoes
114 Followers 657 Following
dirk @dirk6317
32 Followers 455 Following 18 year old stud. sub to my onlyfans and follow main: @dirkxof
Daphne Linoge @daphnelinoge
321 Followers 2K Following By and large, Constable, the good is an illusion, little fables folks tell themselves so they can get through their days without screaming too much. #LineOfDuty
nomikop @minimimemint
343 Followers 4K Following chicken is better than beef if youre wondering why i followed you, why i have alot of followers etc its because i follow everyone i see on xitter
lover of redundancies @djdjdeek
207 Followers 4K Following digital hedge witch in security, threat intelligence, participatory design & research; currently my main hobby is staying warm
gingerchimp @gingerchimp1
383 Followers 1K Following whatever pronouns float your boat, i gave up putting folks in boxes a while back. i sigh, a lot, mostly sad, or sarcastic, sometimes it's even in contentment.
FilipT @FilipT17
362 Followers 5K Following
Mira |#SaveOFMD|💋S.. @havethisonelife
903 Followers 956 Following She/her | ND | queer as in fuck you | smart ass rascal 🤝 overly supportive mom energy | leftist/anti racist/anti capitalist ✊ | unhinged for OFMD & Deadloch
Oreo Pizza Delivery G.. @pineappl_grl
146 Followers 3K Following That One Game dev chick who's a little too into the Pizza Hut Oreo© Desert Pizza™, only $3.99!
Kuntry Kowboy da Slee.. @PMPDub
253 Followers 820 Following Those petty ones can’t fuck with me… cuz ima clever girl 🤠
Japjeet (Jay) Suden @JapjeetSuden
419 Followers 1K Following BA ‘23 @Laurier || MA ‘25 Political Science @Carleton_U
greytel @vvGreytel
295 Followers 5K Following ✨ tell me your password and i'll tell you which astrological sign i think you are ✨
Kozzy @Vkuuzzy
17 Followers 37 Following
M ❄️ @ElnorFudd
570 Followers 752 Following Part Time Skier. ⛷ Full Time Nerd! 🤓 Tweets are my own. - He/Him, Bi Enby 🏳️🌈 - Profile Pic by: @SpaceLizart
I Am Curious (Yellow .. @BvrlyTweetmaker
3K Followers 1K Following There's always barber college. (he/him)
Mel @Melethonomia
4K Followers 4K Following Your average middle aged queer lesbian dork. OFMD and Deadloch obsessed. Spoonie. she/they
horse massacre @torqpenderloin
8K Followers 1K Following the fifth pillar of heaven プロレス | WrestlingBrain on twitch - Mondays at 9 pm central
moosh 🧜🏼♂�.. @ofmooshd
4K Followers 2K Following she/her. queer. 30s. ofmd, rhys darby, fandom nonsense. ao3 in linktree! 🏳️🌈🏴☠️🔞
Bea #LongLiveOFMD �.. @beabonnet29
4K Followers 2K Following #AdoptOurCrew 37 yo bi mom, white, minors DNI 🔞one of the 4 horseman
katie dzwierzynski @kdzwierzynski
5K Followers 3K Following yes to sports, sunsets, dessert, dogs, books, and puns. no to vegetables and cold. news editor/football hollerer/#hallsnark-er/; @uofsc and @medillschool alumna
Eve 🏴☠️➡�.. @sirencalll
2K Followers 997 Following you are no fucking mermaid 🌊 • celebrity chef 🏳️🌈🇲🇽 main: OFMD 🏴☠️ • others: Good Omens • RWRB • Multi ☕️⬇️
Ikea Monkey Coat @the_veriest_
1K Followers 968 Following She/they. Life stuff, yarn stuff, books, cannibals, whales, guys on boats. Pro-ship. NSFW.
Wes Manderson 💜�.. @wesmanderson
1K Followers 2K Following they/them. 30s. chaos bi. woke and ghey. ring pop fiancé. PeachCakes Supremacy 🍑🍰. SMAUs 📌 Kraken Karaoke & Clouds Crash.
pey | sapphic enthusi.. @pluviophiliced
3K Followers 461 Following a happy ending awaits you yet | pro-sapphic media | i post 18+ content | pfp by @sunshinegr3y
G❤️🔥 @radicallysoft
2K Followers 1K Following I take pictures of actors and friends in 0.5 during cons (see pinned twt) 👽 member of the LGBTQIAO3 community: bi/pan 🏴☠️ Sometimes i write. Minors DNI.
White Lion Fan Club @hockeenight
4K Followers 4K Following A #smirkingnobody-Told Jim Belushi to eat shit, 6/15/2015. Len Dykstra called me a pussy, 7/15/21. Florida Man from Chicagoland. profile pic by @kkalina71
✨JessieB✨ @edteachseawitch
2K Followers 1K Following OFMD✌️♥️🏴☠️🔞 I love seeing diversity in film, music, storytelling and art. Mushrooms, magic and music, baby. Polyam, demi/pan, white, ND momma.
Stiney #CrewForLife �.. @DrdPirateStiney
3K Followers 4K Following They/Them - Queer - 40s - BLM - 🔞 Come inside, the shows about to start Guaranteed to blow your head apart
Molly | 💥 🍀 �.. @MarriedState
2K Followers 871 Following 🌟 30s 🌟 she/her 🌟 literally wrote a book about being ace/demi 🌟 Stede-coded half of @flufftwins 🌟 @manicfanfic's #1 fan 🌟 Icon by @buumbaby_
Jay 🇵🇸 SJ Galax.. @gayjeris
2K Followers 570 Following organizer for @OurFlagMaD (formerly OFFP) changing the occupation on my driver's license to queer icon 👉👉 30s, occasionally nsfw, they/them 👈👈
master cas 👻🧶�.. @gentlepanpirate
2K Followers 889 Following hi, all! ★ 🏴☠️🩷💛🩵🏳️⚧️📝 minors dni 🙅🏻#OurFlagForPalestine @OurFlagMaD mad fuckin lad at fundraisers 🦾 drag king 🕺🏼 fiber artist 🧶
ots 🍉 | Free Pales.. @221_Otsanda
3K Followers 3K Following Queer cis-ish (she/they) white bi. 30s. Musician.
Eli McCann @EliMcCann
46K Followers 2K Following Lawyer/Writer/America’s Grandma. Humor columnist for @sltrib. Creator of the Strangerville podcast. Humor essays here: https://t.co/vo8yEGMbJB
Cara Zelaya @carazelaya
24K Followers 6K Following Director of Social at @RewireNewsGroup. All things progressive by day, podcasting about holiday movies over at @12dayspod, loving my town all other times.
Detroit Eagles @CPFCDetroit
1K Followers 1K Following Detroit-based, Palace Season Ticket Holders, Against Modern Football.
𝔙𝔣𝔅 Stuttgar.. @VfBAmericana
1K Followers 625 Following An English language, USA based VfB Stuttgart podcast, unprofessional, uninformed, & unprepared! Listen in at https://t.co/lgKfW6RLKe ⚪️🔴!
Tampa Palace @CPFC_Tampa
3K Followers 3K Following Supporting the Famous Red & Blue from Tampa, FL and the surrounding Tampa Bay Area 🦅
Graham Friday @GFriday
594 Followers 2K Following Carve a hole in the rain for ya ⟨ Full 93° ZAGREB⟩
alice @hgtvdeathdrive
662 Followers 601 Following writing a diss abt (docu)poetry thru cinema. wld rather be riding my bike
Cydonie 🏳️�.. @mausers
415 Followers 1K Following Librarian, mom, gamer, reader. Queer, fat, and saltier than a Dead Sea mermaid. She/they. Ex lurker, loves you all.
Mira |#SaveOFMD|💋S.. @havethisonelife
903 Followers 956 Following She/her | ND | queer as in fuck you | smart ass rascal 🤝 overly supportive mom energy | leftist/anti racist/anti capitalist ✊ | unhinged for OFMD & Deadloch
Capitol Fax @capitolfax
35K Followers 3K Following All Illinois politics, all the time. If you use profanity in a reply or post ads in mentions, you will be blocked. Likes are often just bookmarks.
Chicago Coalition for.. @ChiHomeless
9K Followers 2K Following We organize families, youth, and adults, advocating to better lives by access to shelter, housing, schools, and opportunity.
Cade Maverick @cademaverick
203 Followers 738 Following
SolidGarretty Forever @Garrodactyl
2K Followers 5K Following Banjo-learner, gardener, roller derby announcer, AFT Local 223. Mostly bad jokes & socialist grumbling; science at @merz_garrett. he/him, more or less
Ed Zitron @edzitron
77K Followers 5K Following Newsletter https://t.co/D5qDgUKaNR - Better Offline Podcast - https://t.co/pUoGsuaQTw - Columnist Business Insider - CEO at https://t.co/5idt8AyPqr - Award-Winning Tech PR
visceral warning sign.. @cleanandgritty
541 Followers 611 Following I feel mad each and every day. ♈, suicide cw, news (feel free to 🔕🔇),black 🇰🇳🇺🇸, bi 🌈, biPOLAR, cptsd, she/her, millennial, business topics
supernintendo chalmer.. @helmerroids
6K Followers 792 Following Red Wings. Tigers. Meme Factory CEO. WIIM writer. Stevie the Yzercat. Y-axis inverter. I have a lot of hobbies 👩🏻🌾👩🏻🎨🧙🏻♀️👩🏻🍳🎶🎮
Ray K. Hessel @RaymondKHessel4
895 Followers 1K Following “is he serious or is this all just a big joke to him?” the answer is: yes!
𝕻𝖔𝖕𝖕𝖞 .. @gutstabbed
359 Followers 251 Following (she/her) seabird, seabird, fly home… Stede girlie for life 🏳️🌈#OurFlagMeansDeath #OurFlagMeansUs 🇵🇸
Deborah Danielle @Spoon_Qu33n
155 Followers 215 Following Lover of Books 📚 Foodie Fatale 🤤😏 Proud Black Woman ✊🏾 Big personality, even bigger opinions 😘 so keep calm and carry on 💁🏾♀️
ASTROGLIDE 💦 @ASTROGLIDE
16K Followers 2K Following We make lube for EVERY body. Get a free sample on our website. 💌 Water-Based Liquid NOW AVAILABLE in 12oz! 👀
Ryn Rehnard🏳️.. @ryn_rehnard
2K Followers 2K Following award winning author•30s•she/her🏳️🌈queersadilla❤️pure heart & dumb ass🔞NSFW🔪Billy Butcher apologist🦃my horror pen is @brynn_butchers💀feral✨DM 4 moots/biz
kevin nye @kevinmnye1
16K Followers 8K Following writer/advocate-“Grace Can Lead Us home: A Christian Call to End Homelessness” available now! he/him, 🏳️🌈 affirming
Kate Feldman @kateefeldman
5K Followers 842 Following CBS Sports MLB editor. Grew up at the @NYDailyNews and @UFJSchool. I mostly tweet during baseball games.
[email protected].. @danielzklein
19K Followers 5K Following Game designer, previously @respawn, @magnopus and @riotgames. Goose truther. Opinions are my own. Love your dogs. He/him. [email protected] on Mastodon
Leslie. @librarian_elle
5K Followers 5K Following . elder milennial. allegedly a librarian. audhd. 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️
FLOW (For Love Of Wat.. @FlowForWater
1K Followers 463 Following Everything we do is reflected in our name: For Love of Water. Our mission is to safeguard the Great Lakes, the planet’s largest freshwater lake system. Join us!
ncablk2 @ncablk2
128 Followers 420 Following Spectator sports fan. Carleton women’s soccer, USWNT (“not smart”), Real Madrid, Manchester United, NU Football, Bears. Less angry at the Cubs.
Omar Sakr @omarsakrpoet
32K Followers 3K Following Son of migrants. Arab Turkish Muslim poet and novelist. Bi Baba on Dharug country (2170) 📚⛓️ I stand with Palestine.
𝕽on Riekki 〽️ @RiekkiRon
4K Followers 4K Following @PushcartPrize '22 Rhysling Anthology '20 Best of the Net finalist '19 @RedRockFilmFest '19 @ShenandoahWLU Fiction Prize '16 @IPPYAwards '16 @BestSmFictions '15
Carlyn Zwarenstein @CarlynZwaren
3K Followers 3K Following ON OPIUM is my book on pain/pleasure + capitalism/solidarity/consolations of art. LIVE MORE LIVES is my substack on fiction: https://t.co/uTqjYzX3kz
Munther Isaac منذ�.. @MuntherIsaac
45K Followers 751 Following Father. Husband. Palestinian Christian Theologian. Evangelical Lutheran Pastor in Bethlehem. Academic Dean of Beth Bible College. Lead Christ at the Checkpoint.
Oil & Water Don't Mix @OilWaterDntMix
3K Followers 837 Following We bring people together to #ShutDownLine5, America’s most dangerous oil pipeline that threatens 20 percent of the world’s fresh surface water.
Leslie Jones 🦋 @Lesdoggg
1.4M Followers 2K Following I'm LESLIE F*CKING JONES. Hit the link to grab my book and see me live!
ots 🥂🔞 @shh_otsanda
95 Followers 102 Following it’s just @221_otsanda but wearing a hat. 18+ pls. Crowley-coded (disaster).
Hayley ➡️Basingst.. @heyhayley
2K Followers 881 Following Henry the Hoover influencer. Queer/polyam/ADHD. #1 Ed Teach Defender. Godzilla girly (gn). Local Cryptid. pfp @bolasuu MINORS DNI
k8 @justasadbanana
94 Followers 95 Following she/they | 29 | the circles are going down but the sadbanana is still sad aka @sadbananarama's priv
Alan Taylor (he/him/h.. @Alan_Taylor_314
2K Followers 5K Following Packing to depart. For a real bio, check my pinned thread. Discord: alantaylor314 Bsky: alantaylor314 Tumblr: alantaylorpie Dreamwidth: atsmith
Emma | GalaxyCon San .. @spicycanuck
2K Followers 2K Following 39 She/Her. “Patron Saint of Crew Moms” - @thewildbluesky 🍊🏴☠️🏳️🌈
Ancillary Justice for.. @Hanif_Kiriakos
2K Followers 3K Following writer highly caffeinated on raktajino, radchaai tea, and φραπέ @garrettkiriakos.bsky.social
Palace pictures that .. @CPFCpictures
3K Followers 1K Following Posting pictures about the greatest football club in world Football - Crystal Palace FC
I bet money those millenials that are struggling are the children of the late boomers and GenXers that are struggling. I know we lump all boomers into the same economics, but those working class late boomers aren’t doing that great either.
@gentlepanpirate @awkward_alanna @lordflyron Well I thought getting Wet written as my name today was funny but jfc 🤣
thank you vulture very cool
changing part of next week’s vacation plans bc there’s a place in Pennsylvania called “yocumtown” and I can’t not go
YOU’RE WAY PRETTIER WHEN YOU SMILE. HEY. I SAID, YOU SHOULD SMILE MORE. I HAVE A PODCAST
If anyone accuses me of fatherless behavior, they're right! My mom did say he looked kinda like Omar Sharif though
who plays your parents in the biopic? shohreh aghdashloo is only a couple years younger than my mom, and the other is self explanatory
(Give Gates brown contacts and Sir Patrick the French accent he didn’t have on trek) Look there’s a reason I am the way I am
In his speech at our wedding my father-in-law read a journal entry they had found from my husband when he was 8. In it he was mad at his family because he had been grounded and he ended the entry with, "one day I'll show them all. I just need to star in one major motion picture."
Tonight I talked to a guy we know who owns a salon at the bottom of our street and he said my husband ran in there the other day wearing a mask and scrubs and panting, begging for emergency help. Turns out he needed an eyebrow trim and he brought skin products as a thank you.
I work out with two other gays a few times a week and one of them said this morning "I'm going to a gala where we have to wear caftans á la Mrs. Roper from Threes Company" and I heard our very straight, very young trainer just mumble "I didn't understand a word of that sentence."
For my second date with my husband we met in NYC and went to a party and ended up at a McDonald's at 3:00 AM where he reached across the table, grabbed my hands, looked at me adoringly, and said "I hate this. I wanted to go to bed at 9:00. Do not expect this of me again."
We were getting ready to go to a party and I asked my husband if he thought I was dressed like a dad and he looked at me and said, so sincerely and positively, "you look like a divorced dad who is really trying to get back out there."
Nothing on the internet has continued to give me as much joy as this Vine
In memory of vine, I hereby resurrect arguably one of the greatest vines ever. Ladies and Gentlemen, Duck Army:
BREAKING: Happening now in Montreal, Quebec, Canada! McGill University students join the global uprising for a free Palestine. The university encampment protests against Israel’s genocide are spreading like wildfire worldwide. 🇵🇸🔥
you know there was that one family whose entire cabinet was gladiator cups
everyone to me about SF when living in SF is the happiest I’ve ever been
Always loved this conversation “Isn’t the crime really bad?” “No” “Really? I’m pretty sure it is” “Well I actually live there and that’s fake” Rinse, repeat for every city I’ve ever lived in
@kimischilling Cities are so good when you don’t have a bitch in your ear telling you it’s a dangerous hellscape
Always loved this conversation “Isn’t the crime really bad?” “No” “Really? I’m pretty sure it is” “Well I actually live there and that’s fake” Rinse, repeat for every city I’ve ever lived in
Going to a family function with family members I see once every 5 years at best and I’m gonna take a shot every time someone asks me if I still live in MKE and then says something incredibly shitty about MKE wish me luck it was nice knowing you all
Flirt with the world. No strings attached. Zero expectations. Watch how doors open for you. I’m sitting in a diner, cutting it up with the bartender, stacking playful questions and one-liners like lego blocks. He goes “You made this morning fun. Your meal is on the house.”
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