I don't think you can participate in queer discourse until you learn that sometimes questions about someone's queerness are meant to be pragmatic ("Is it safe to be honest about what I did over the weekend?" "Will I get shit if I need time to care for a nonexclusive partner?").
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When we talk about presumptively straight people, it's not about whether in their heart they feel queer or whether they have unplumbed depths of similar complexity, it's about whether they have similar enough safety needs that we can rely on each other for mutual protection.