Ted L. Nancy @TedLNancy
Official Twitter for esteemed author Ted L. Nancy. tedlnancy.com Glendale, CA Joined August 2010-
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I’m really sorry to see the 99 Cents Store close. I got my ex wife her Silver Anniversary gift there.
I bought one of those chattering teeth that you wind up and it moves around clicking. Whenever I get a spam call I say, "Hold on. I'm having trouble with my teeth." Then I put the chattering teeth into the phone.
Remember TEAM spelled backwards is MEAT if you spell it wrong. And there's no "I" in meat either.
I highly recommend a holiday movie - Santa's Porch Package Thieves Christmas. Santa delivers stolen packages all over the world . On Blitzen!
They're running out of movie ideas. This is what I put on my Movies To Watch list: "This Underwear Is Damned."
"This is what I asked my dry cleaner this morning: "Can you take the stains out of one shirt and put them in another shirt?" He just looked at me.
Just unveiled: New Los Angeles City Seal. Car through a plate glass restaurant window with a senior at the wheel.
Oppenheimer was working on figuring out toilet paper math after the bomb project. 2 ply, 1 ply, how many sheets, thickness of each sheet.
Looking at mens shirts at the mall. They had sizes, XL, XXL, 3 XL, Fitted Sheet.
I see they have the Chippendale Dancers show in Las Vegas. Apparently 6 men in shape is now a show in Las Vegas.
President Biden’s domestic policy adviser, Susan Rice, is stepping down from her post. In certain academic circles she is known as esteemed Rice. (I'm only the messenger)
I met a man. He said his name was John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt. I said “Hey, that my name too. But I spell mine with 2 M’s in Heimmer.“ He got up close like Liam Neeson and said: “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. I have a very special set of skills. "
I liked my elementary school gym teacher, Mrs. Zlot. She was very thorough. She had all the bells and whistles on her.
IT’S JUST MY 4 CENTS (adjusted for inflation) I don’t like lettuce on a sandwich. Lettuce should be in a salad. That’s where it belongs.
My cat Heloise gives me cleaning tips when she cleans herself.
I got a call from a Scammer today. I told him, "Sorry, I'm already working with another Scammer on this."
World's oldest person dies at 118 years old. She attributes her old age to the day she was born and how many days she lived after that.
The Post Office always has a nice collection of themed Forever stamps to mail your letters. They never run out of ideas. Just bought "Stars Without Makeup".
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Sarah Nauser @SarahNauser
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The Twilight Zone @TheNightGallery
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Tweets from the 1960s @RealTime1960s
1K Followers 31 Following Telling the story of the 1960s in real time through tweets, 60 years later. https://t.co/mGxSKVe3zf
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Jimmy Kimmel Live @JimmyKimmelLive
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Jeff Garlin News & In.. @GarlinInfo
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ERIK ESTRADA @ErikEstrada
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@CollinRugg Today I was on my way to Family Dollar up the street from my house. I saw this FedEx driver, Rondy, do a U turn at the second entrance to a trailer park that used to be Farmview. I looked in my rear view mirror to see him pulled over to help this 75 year old man get his little…
Trump is like a broken record endlessly repeating his lies, that he is the victim of a “witch hunt,” is “innocent,” and “I’ve never broken the law.” Get a grip Donald! You have been indicted in four separate jurisdictions with 91 different felony charges.
@Morbidful Bless him, look at that smile 🥰 x.com/healyourdepres…
My rebuttal to Katie Britt
Man Parallel Parking Tries To Leave Enough Room Between Cars To Infuriate Other Drivers Into Just Giving Up theonion.com/man-parallel-p…
Michael Rapaport goes off on Kanye West and says his mother, Donda, would be embarrassed if she were still alive.
Happy Happy Chanukah and sending you all love! Have a great eight crazy nights!
Happy Birthday to my beautiful mom. 86 and still a monster on the Zumba floor, four times a week. I love you, mom - I can trace everything good in my life back to you.
Do you agree with Seth Myers’ comments about former President Donald Trump? “F—k this dipsh-t. Racist doofus thinks he can swoop in and set up a dictatorship in 2024 despite having, like, nine sets of handcuffs on him. Trump dances on stage like a guy in a locker room who’s…
@historyinmemes This is a historical video worthy to share 🥹
Bus driver defends himself after being attacked
On a level from 1-10, how big of a fraud is this man?
I remember the first sale I made was a hundred and fifty dollars for a radio script, and, as poor as I was, I didn't cash the check for three months. I kept showing it to people. ~Rod Serling
Transplant day 🎉🧡 I’m showered and ready, seen the doctor everything looks good to go. Come on tiny stem cells do your thing.
I feel external shame for this man.
Tonight, I go to bed a 34 year old and by God’s grace tomorrow morning, I will wake up a 35 year old. A birthdate easily dismissed but for me it’s an achievement, a privilege. ALS threatened to take my life at such a young age but I am here and I’m thriving. #ALS #FightLikeAGirl
The Hwd strike means lots of reruns and lots of residuals. Don't be jealous! This is the second check I have gotten for this amount. It is starting to add up.
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