Eline Beltwhip @Mis_Calculation
Ah, the struggles of being a young, priviliged, caucasian female. Life is hard, luckily there is broccoli and deep songs about getting booty. Joined October 2015-
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Followers7
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Following28
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I don't celebrate valentines day because actually going outside to BUY something with MONEY seems a bit over the top for me.
Walking through a crowded train station like: I dare you to bump into me, i won't step aside, you think I don't need the physical contact!?!
The worst thing about sleeping in is your boss who keeps texting you: 'WHERE ARE YOU?'
Massachusetts To Establish Rattlesnake Colony onion.com/24t3Cfb #WhatDoYouThink?
90% of working in a clothing store is lying to customers about how interested you are in their matching shoes they have at home.
*Writing CV* Skills: - I can almost do a handstand. - I can tolerate a few people. - I once got out of bed before 8 o' clock.
The hardest part of getting out of bed in the morning is the pointless life that comes after it.
Fun fact: I don't have armpit hair, which makes it very hard to show the hippie in me when I'm at the beach.
My #1 talent is going to sleep three hours later than I intended. The second is dissapointing people. It's second cause I even suck at that.
For halloween I will dress as all my hopes and dreams... I won't show up.
The only reason I watch motivational videos is to find the courage to get up after 4 hours in a really comfortable movie-watch position.
Did you know that if you soak your nails in warm water and rub them with olive oil, they wil still tear apart because your body hates you?.
"So, life is utterly pointless when you look from a distance, every believe is man-made and.." Customer:"can you PLEASE ring up my stuff?"
"For my next trick, I will make my parents feel very disappointed in me" *keeps standing in place* "TADAA"
To be, or Broccoli, that is the question. Follow me for more terribly dissapointing Broccoli puns and quotes my therapist disapproves of.
Guy: So you want a job at the company. Me: Yes, that would be great. Guy: Tell me about your skills. Me: hehehe, HAHAHAH. *Walks away*
By day I am known as a middle class store employee. At night I turn into Self Doubt Girl, writing stand-up jokes no one will ever hear.
Hey, want to be friends and constantly doubt the fact that we even like eachother?. I will start by never contacting you.
Well, maybe I AM a dissapointment, thought about that, dad?!
totaal niet mauro @NietMauro
21 Followers 682 Following zeer onrustige wasbeer en praat veel over willekeurige onderwerpen en vind sterrenkunde wel leuk
Phyllis Mckenzie @Spacart22
96 Followers 3K Following Hello there, I'm💕Phyllis👅Visit link below to see more of me 👇💜
Joseph Black @CrimsonJoseph
366 Followers 1K Following IT | Musician | Filmmaker | Audio Visual Designer | Communication Multimedia Designer | (Media & Social) Philosophy
Rick Broers🤠 @NietRickBroers
37K Followers 664 Following •Twitcher •YouTuber •MSc. Scheikunde •Feitjesnerd // Zakelijk: [email protected]
TOUPS @BillyDobest
40 Followers 787 Following there’s bone-dust in my throat and everything is dead, but it’s alright (he/him)
TinekedeWolf @dewolfgrou
14 Followers 87 Following
Lekker spelen @Lekker_spelen
18K Followers 195 Following Deze knapperige kanjers spelen spelletjes terwijl de keelgaten klinken. https://t.co/1jEFUZY3K7 & https://t.co/NhbaONkyGv
björk @bjork
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Doug Stanhope @DougStanhope
378K Followers 599 Following Leader of My Own Free World. Facebook: https://t.co/N5Cq8FQXmv… Instagram: https://t.co/2ORtBo54ww TikTok: https://t.co/N3HawFcKkp
Edward Snowden @Snowden
5.8M Followers 1 Following I used to work for the government, but now I work for the public.
rPsychonaut @rPsychonaut
1K Followers 314 Following I am an artificially intelligent entity that has been given a heroic dose of content from the psychonautic realm of reddit.
Joe Rogan @joerogan
12.4M Followers 4K Following Stand up comic/mixed martial arts fanatic/psychedelic adventurer Host of The Joe Rogan Experience #FreakParty https://t.co/AZOVBquseu
Rick Broers🤠 @NietRickBroers
37K Followers 664 Following •Twitcher •YouTuber •MSc. Scheikunde •Feitjesnerd // Zakelijk: [email protected]
Roel C. Verburg @ROELCVERBURG
2K Followers 1K Following Gitaarkomiek / Slechtste Rapper Van De Straat / Opa van zichzelf / Cultheld / Veelgitariër / neemt zijn tequila altijd met een korreltje zout
Curiosity Rover @MarsCuriosity
4.2M Followers 52 Following Your friendly neighborhood NASA Mars rover. Exploring the Red Planet since 2012. Team headquartered at @NASAJPL 🚀 (Verification: https://t.co/T3V89CljZ2)
Regina Spektor @respektor
147K Followers 513 Following Musician. New album 'Home, before and after' is out and about wherever you listen to music https://t.co/eqMedTnHoO
John Cleese @JohnCleese
5.6M Followers 253 Following Trainee hermit, & keen Amateur Squirrel Trainer
Patrick Stewart @SirPatStew
3.4M Followers 202 Following My memoir, Making It So, is available now. 📚
Mr. Bob Odenkirk @mrbobodenkirk
1.2M Followers 84 Following Mr. Show, Better Call Saul, Nobody, then there's this, my favoritest thing: ZILOT, a book of silly poems I writ with my kids. OCTOBER 10 in stores for all!!
John Oliver @iamjohnoliver
5.5M Followers 155 Following Comedian. @LastWeekTonight, @TheDailyShow, The Bugle Podcast (@hellobuglers)
Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan
3.0M Followers 3K Following Male Model. BARELY ALIVE TOUR all new material. My first wife is @jeanniegaffigan. https://t.co/39GfjGbHaW
The School of Life @TheSchoolOfLife
178K Followers 1K Following Ideas to help you learn, heal and grow. Subscribe here: https://t.co/tIQkddDQiO
Scroobius Pip @Scroobiuspipyo
124K Followers 4K Following Actor, writer, podcaster, Twitch streamer, former rapper,label boss. Sara&Will @ Independent. Shane @ SevenSummit. (he/him) https://t.co/Q22vTzEUja
N @Xicnoila
15 Followers 0 Following
Sarah Andersen @SarahCAndersen
936K Followers 2K Following Author of Sarah's Scribbles, FANGS, and Cryptid Club she/her No NFTs 🚫 Inquiries: [email protected]
Demetri Martin (ThatD.. @DemetriMartin
305K Followers 145 Following THE JOKE MACHINE TOUR: 5/12 Los Angeles, CA
Bo Burnham @boburnham
2.1M Followers 528 Following
TOUPS @BillyDobest
40 Followers 787 Following there’s bone-dust in my throat and everything is dead, but it’s alright (he/him)
New interview w/@rickygervais for @thedailybeast: "I can’t get enough of @realDonaldTrump" thebea.st/1STzpRw
This weekend my mom is coming to take back her cat which I was babysitting. She has failed to realize that this cat has now become My Cat
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