FlyOnTheOfficeWall @FlyInTheOffice
This is what I have to put up with. 8th layer of hell (the office) Joined March 2016-
Tweets58
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Followers37
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Following22
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Likes0
On international drug lords: Pablo Escobar? Is he the guy from Cumbria?
On world cuisine: Bella Italia, is that Italian food?
HR safety video misery morning... “Someone could lose their life over something as simple as keeping your work environment clean and tidy” Indeed they could, especially if I beat the filthy animals who are incapable of cleaning up after themselves to death with their own mess.
Current mood
On world georgraphy: Isn’t Las Vegas it’s own country?
On revisiting children's entertainment: What's the dog in Scooby Doo called?
Jobs where you'd reasonably expect hypothermia to be an occupational hazard: Mountaineer, Polar Explorer, Ice Road trucker, one of those crab fisherman/woman from Deadliest Catch. Jobs where you'd reasonably expect hypothermia to not be a concern: Office Monkey. But here we are.
On meteorological phenomena: I didn't know it was the wind that moved clouds
On being at the cutting edge of the marketing world: I don’t like people who use social pictures on LinkedIn
On working out product costs: Bruv! Maffs is dead
On allergens in the office: is a hazelnut a peanut?
On the wonders of nature: Colleague 1 - Bruv! Ducks don't float, they swim! Like humans! Colleague 2 - What? No, they float... Colleague 1 - So if you chopped their feet off they'd just float? Colleague 3 - only one way to find out.
On workplace hygiene: I was in the loo drying my ring
On being a crucial cog in the corporate machine: I've been so busy I've not even been able to do my Words With Friends
On every day job challenges: "The hardest thing about this job is how to word things" It's all your job is, you're a copywriter in marketing
On post-holiday skincare: “don’t exfoliate your skin, that will get rid of your tan” [well we are in Essex, the land of the fake tan. Sigh]
On The Joys of Parenthood: “Imagine if the baby got lost and came out of your bum”
On bags of ridged crisps: Colleague1: “Ooo they’re ribbed!” Colleague2: “for your pleasure”
On parking where you shouldn't: To be fair, I'm probably the most disabled person in this office
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Paul Murphy @Paulmm007
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Kiri @KiriBroad
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natalie turner @turbochargednat
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Paul Murphy @Paulmm007
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Cube Dweller @guyinacubicle
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Fuck My Job @cubicledouche
50 Followers 13 Following come in at 10. leave at 4. 2 hour lunch breaks. too good for this bs. join me on my mission to be laid off.
John Oliver @iamjohnoliver
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Picard Tips @PicardTips
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740 Followers 350 Following If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Office Girl Problems @officegirlprblm
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Officejet Problems @officejet_6110
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New Life Office @NewLifeOffice
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3.5M Followers 1 Following New book: A Very British Christmas, out October 2025. For everything VBP, visit: https://t.co/51E7az46a4 Written by @RobTemple101You might like
