Toad__Boss @workingfortoad
I mismanage a toad factory. Swampland USA Joined May 2012-
Tweets294
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Followers52
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Following96
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Likes0
I don't think of human resources as resources so much as a limitless supply of people I can fire whenever the mood strikes.
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I'm building a public square inside the factory - so if I need to punish a worker, we don't all have to travel to the actual public square
The more important a boss is the more secretaries he has. I have 16. The problem is, they constantly bump into each other. Like, literally.
Every Friday I like to send as many emails in ALL CAPS to my workers as possible #keepsemontheirtoes
Today I'm having a bed installed under my desk just in case workers come looking for me in my office. #goaway #Imsnoozing
I keep my workers on their toes just cuz
I can't wait to throw away all the Christmas decorations my workers put up in the factory.
To all the people who like to tweet dumb #%^* that has a pretty good chance of going viral, I have 3 words for you: ANONYMOUS TWITTER HANDLE
I figure that if I dive into the chocolate fountain, no one will want to dip their fruit in it. Worked last year.
I overheard my workers say they wished I would step down as Head Toad. I laughed my ass off, because I make 170K just to show up.
I just awoke from my Twitter slumber. I wonder if my workers have noticed I've been MIA.
I want to replace all of my workers with identical strangers.
I am an "at will" employer, and it is my will to fire everyone who I feel doesn't worship me feverishly enough.
I'm declaring tomorrow Pink Slip Monday.
Making my workers agree to gag orders when they get fired helps keep my reputation intact.
I don't know why my workers would think that the toad factory rules apply to me.
How can I prevent my workers from using their iPhones to film my temper tantrums?
It's been far too long since I fired someone without reason or warning. #badboss
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