I've said this before but: People who loudly hate children are often adults who resent their own weakness as children. They often felt they were bullied into silence, or neglected, or otherwise frustrated with their powerlessness. And they dislike children reminding them of that feeling. And ironically, they themselves are something like bullies to children.
I've said this before but: People who loudly hate children are often adults who resent their own weakness as children. They often felt they were bullied into silence, or neglected, or otherwise frustrated with their powerlessness. And they dislike children reminding them of that feeling. And ironically, they themselves are something like bullies to children.
That said, while I think it's fine to have children at some neighborhood bars with appropriate spaces, I think it's ridiculous to expect all bars to adapt to accept children. Alcohol is fundamentally a drug and bars are spaces for adults to behave in adult ways -- sometimes disinhibited ones -- without having to adjust their language, manner or anything else to what would be nurturing and safe for a child. It's understandable that parents have throttled back on any "letting loose" because they have to have that responsibility. But extending that responsibility to a bunch of other adults who went to a space specifically to be disinhibited is...pretty aggressive and frankly too much to ask. It's essentially asking everyone else to babysit and spend time with your kid. Yes, kids should mingle with adults. No, it shouldn't be at bars. If you love your kids you shouldn't be exposing them to just any adults anyway. You do have to curate their experiences until they're old enough to handle and process them. And bars are intentionally overstimulating -- the alcohol, the sound, the conversation -- and kids are not cut out to function within that. They just do not have the emotional tools yet and they are easily overwhelmed.
Every month we have this discourse about children in bars. And the answer is probably: Some bars, sure, the ones that have space outside for kids to run around and yet be visible. But most bars? No. You cannot expect to walk into an adult establishment that is literally selling a regulated drug and expect everyone to completely transform their adult behavior to conform to kindergarten rules. Kids can go to museums, coffee shops, parks...lots of places that their parents can go to as well. Or you can pay a babysitter (a fortune! I know!) or send the kids off to play at a friends' house (playdates were a dumb move, kids should be at each other's houses a lot more) or move somewhere with a backyard where you can invite whoever and drink whatever. But you know, you can't ask a whole bar full of people to essentially serve as your babysitter, which is EXACTLY what's going to happen, because most kids will go up to anyone and start asking questions. I love kids. I ADORE kids. Kids follow me around! Strangers have handed me their kids at airport bathrooms and told me to watch them! All of this is fine. Kiddos and I get each other. But it's because I love kids that I think it's just inappropriate to be exposing them to alcohol-fueled adult socializing on a regular basis. Kids need boundaries. And frankly, so do a lot of adults.
Anyway: Being a parent doesn't automatically mean you like children. It just means you managed to produce one. (Or several.) And it would be constructive for a lot of parents to sit down quietly and think about what they felt as children, which old family patterns they might be perpetuating onto their children, what they feel about having children now, whether they think children should have some measure of personal choice and self-determination, etc. Most adults don't even know what boundaries and what freedom they themselves are allowed to have; their entire lives are externally controlled by others. Everything is what their boss wants, or what their parents want, or what their community wants, and they have very limited access to personal joy. So just think through that.
Here is a good video about how to "re-parent" yourself as an adult. If you don't have some rules, your inner child will run the show. If you have ALL rules, your inner child will be depressed, repressed, anxious and depressed. It's good for anyone who has children and anyone was once a child. And it's very practical. Just 5 questions to think through.
Here is a good video about how to "re-parent" yourself as an adult. If you don't have some rules, your inner child will run the show. If you have ALL rules, your inner child will be depressed, repressed, anxious and depressed. It's good for anyone who has children and anyone was once a child. And it's very practical. Just 5 questions to think through.