Most of my successful friends in their 30s are still struggling with modern dating. One of my best friends recently got into a serious relationship and told me his biggest dating unlock came from listening to a podcast with the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge. For most of his life, he's been dating based on what looks good on paper. It makes sense - successful people are naturally drawn to other seemingly successful people. But he made a mental shift a few months ago based on advice from the podcast: date someone based on how they make you feel. The person he's dating now is completely opposite of him in most ways but he feels calm and secure around her and that convinced him to take the leap. As simple as it sounds, this is a really hard thing for successful people to do. Dating based on how someone makes you feel seems arbitrary, random, and unsustainable. Naysayers might say this advice is generic and Freudian at best. Maybe he's subconsciously looking for the unconditional love he received from his mother that gives him security. But I think more people should follow this advice and see where it takes you especially if your current dating criteria just doesn't seem to work.
@kevinleeme If you find the podcast link I'd love to check it out
@kevinleeme High achievers often fall into the trap of optimization because they live only from their heads. Eventually one learns, hopefully, that a good life doesn't come from living just from the head but also the heart
My wife is the opposite of my Myers/Briggs One of the reasons why it works so powerfully in practice is that we complement each other. She has strengths I do not. I have strengths she does not. Most things that make me feel so loved come from our differences.
I’ve seen this over and over with my highest achieving friends. The advice I give from my past experience and seeing others, is don’t date your checklist. Love is a feeling that can’t be found from a checklist of traits. It can only be found by how you feel. This is a hard thing for a type A person to follow as it’s antithetical to the analytical approach.