John Colbert @itsColbert

Dieting is all about finding that balance. Like I just had a salad for lunch followed by 3 cookies. Later I’ll have just a bowl of bone broth followed by 9 IPAs. But that’s just what works for me and how I pull off looking awful naked.

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John Colbert @itsColbert

5 years ago

First 5 mins of shoveling- Snow: 1 Lower back: 0

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John Colbert @itsColbert

6 years ago

My one and a half year old son just farted then laughed. My work here is done.

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John Colbert @itsColbert

6 years ago

*credit card fails to auto fill at checkout page* “I guess no ones getting anything this year”

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John Colbert @itsColbert

6 years ago

“I mean I can’t judge them but” *proceeds to judge*

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John Colbert @itsColbert

6 years ago

You’re not officially a dad until you throw your back out while taking out the trash. Today marks that day. I’d take a bow but I can’t.

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John Colbert @itsColbert

6 years ago

Cocaine is cool but have you ever gotten into a freshly made bed like SECONDS after changing the sheets? Now that’s a rush.

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John Colbert @itsColbert

6 years ago

It feels weird to drink because something good happened.

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John Colbert @itsColbert

6 years ago

Comedy clubs might be closed but just did a tight 30....seconds at physical therapy. Come see my next show which will be 9 am Friday at Penn Medicine. $50 copay at the door, take elevator to Urology on 8.