Crimes and Punishments @iherebysentence
Judge, jury, and executioner Joined April 2018-
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Devin Nunes should be chased out of the capital region by a large crowd rapping him on the head with spatulas
CRIME: Questions McConnell’s loyalty because of foreign-born spouse PUNISHMENT: No longer receives his annual lump of coal as Christmas present x.com/kasie/status/9…
CRIME: Questions McConnell’s loyalty because of foreign-born spouse PUNISHMENT: No longer receives his annual lump of coal as Christmas present x.com/kasie/status/9…
CRIME: Would exclusively serve fried chicken to guests in the unlikely event he were President PUNISHMENT: Must ingest all food as a nutrient-rich slurry, except arugula and tofu, which he may consume freely x.com/ewerickson/sta…
CRIME: Opera house fires soprano for being pregnant PUNISHMENT: Opera-loving termites operawire.com/julie-fuchs-an…
CRIME: Teacher asks students to list pros and cons of slavery PUNISHMENT: Daily victim of student pranks involving mayonnaise, for which no one is ever caught or disciplined x.com/cnn/status/987…
CRIME: Teacher asks students to list pros and cons of slavery PUNISHMENT: Daily victim of student pranks involving mayonnaise, for which no one is ever caught or disciplined x.com/cnn/status/987…
CRIME: @SenateMajLdr says he won’t bring any Mueller-protection bill to the floor PUNISHMENT: Favorite pet eel escapes, never seen again x.com/jonathanchait/…
CRIME: @SenateMajLdr says he won’t bring any Mueller-protection bill to the floor PUNISHMENT: Favorite pet eel escapes, never seen again x.com/jonathanchait/…
CRIME: Self-proclaimed environmentalist wants to restrict housing supply where it’s needed the most PUNISHMENT: Named after popular brand of nose-hair trimmer x.com/marketurbanism…
CRIME: Self-proclaimed environmentalist wants to restrict housing supply where it’s needed the most PUNISHMENT: Named after popular brand of nose-hair trimmer x.com/marketurbanism…
CRIME: “Reported” on Michael Cohen without disclosing relationship. PUNISHMENT: Must season all future meals with eraser dust. x.com/eorden/status/…
CRIME: “Reported” on Michael Cohen without disclosing relationship. PUNISHMENT: Must season all future meals with eraser dust. x.com/eorden/status/…
CRIME: Thinks attempts to increase representation in the music world is "dangerous" out-of-control political correctness. PUNISHMENT: Will sporadically suffer delusions of being a brontosaurus. blogs.spectator.co.uk/2018/04/compos…
CRIME: @spurs fans mad that their coach doesn't like Trump. PUNISHMENT: Must wear flowerpots for shoes. x.com/deadspin/statu…
CRIME: @spurs fans mad that their coach doesn't like Trump. PUNISHMENT: Must wear flowerpots for shoes. x.com/deadspin/statu…
Glengarry Glenn Green.. @TomCokeIsABlunt
6K Followers 607 Following “left twitter’s mean kid in the back of the class” -@L0g1c9UY he/him 🏳️🌈Trends for United States
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