Dan Whiting @danwhiting

Lives by the mantras that constraints breed creativity and don't know what you can't do. But, this is mostly my notes for a future comedy piece. danwhiting.com Washington, DC Joined February 2009

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

2 months ago

@JoannaPasceri Congrats!!

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

4 months ago

Is it okay to use an emoji in a response to a chatbot? Asking for a friend.

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

5 months ago

I received a happy birthday message from one of my doctors. Took me a minute until I realized they addressed it to my insurance company. I guess they know who pays the bills.

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

6 months ago

Better watch this before the Super Bowl @ShelbyKerns youtu.be/pMk_Tdl5P7Q?si…

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When is the plastic utensil industry going to figure out that we don't need an even number of forks, knives, and spoons when we buy a multipack? Or am I the only one who has a ton of extra plastic knives all the time?

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

6 months ago

@JoannaPasceri 117 packets. Considering how infrequently we go to Taco Bell, it is a multi-year supply.

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

6 months ago

We ordered Taco Bell tonight. My wife didn’t ask for any sauces, but for some reason they threw in some extras. Apparently every sauce packet they still had at the restaurant.

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

8 months ago

Parents: No, you can’t have cake for breakfast. Parents: Sure, you can have a donut. (A deep fried cake)

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

9 months ago

I saw a lot of 6-7 costumes, and they were all worn by adults. When the adults have taken over the kids’ joke, it has gone cold.

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

9 months ago

Our grocery store triages people for self-checkout by asking, "Cash or card." I said, "Check." Threw her off her game. I am positive that the Venn diagram of people who use self-checkout and those who pay with a check has zero overlap between the two groups.

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

10 months ago

You need to learn long division as a kid so that you can then relearn it to teach your kids long division.

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

11 months ago

If I exercise and am overweight, isn't that the same as exercising with a weighted vest? #askingforafriend

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

11 months ago

With all that is happening in the world, is Cracker Barrel's rebranding where you want to spend your passion and outrage?

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

11 months ago

Parent: Give me a minute. Kid: How long is a minute? Parent: However long it takes me.

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Dan Whiting @danwhiting

12 months ago

12-year-old: "Dad, she has this phone that you can only get music that you have to pay $1/song for. $1 for every song! That is crazy!!" My, how times have changed.