I don't know why I'm sharing this but my Dad, who has battled with addiction my entire childhood, has just died of an Oxy overdose. This is for you, Daddy. I remember it like yesterday I used to wait by the door till you got home I would grab your leg and hold on You would laugh as we walked from room to room I was your little girl, the queen in your eyes You made me feel special and alive As time went on, things began to change The sparkle left your eyes and mine As you got on your knees searching for specs I went to my room and cried and wept "Where was my dad, why has he left?" The screaming, the crying, the pain that I felt I blamed myself for what you did I thought if maybe I was good enough you would have stayed I was vulnerable at a time I needed you most I blamed you for all of my problems All of my issues All of my wrongs I blamed you , daddy. As I grow older I understand the how I see now I no longer place the blame on you I'm no longer trapped within my self searching for a way out I'm stronger because of you I'm wiser because of you I'm me because of you So daddy, I love you and I forgive you. You can rest now 🙏
Check on your loved ones. Life is too short for grudges.
Thank you all so very much, every comment and kind word means so much to me. My sweet child made me a card 😔 she is such a sweetheart and it breaks my heart that he never got to meet her 💔 the last time we spoke we had made plans for him to visit us and I offered to pay for his plane ticket but he kept saying he couldn't get off from work... I knew he was still using but instead of Cocaine, he started getting pills prescribed by a Doctor for "pain" and of course he abused it because he was an addict. I do wonder if he bought pills from someone and it was one of those laced Fentanyl pills.... it wouldn't surprise me. You really never know what tomorrow will bring 🙏😔 praying for everyone who is battling addiction or watching a loved one battle it ... I remember this one time he had called from rehab , it was his 3rd time going in, and he wanted to speak to me and I refused to get on the phone. I was young and didn't truly understand why he couldn't just stop. It hurt him. But, I learned so much as I grew older and I truly forgave him. I just wish we had that visit, that hug, more time to reconnect... he was still on Long Island so we were 500 miles away. He was a grade A mechanic , funny and I was his "favorite' according to my siblings haha. They used to make me ask him for money and ice cream because he couldn't say no to me! I'm trying to think of all the good times we had together as a family. One of my favorite things to do was hang out in his garage and watch him work on his race car. Memories that will last forever 🙏
@catsscareme2021 My oldest son, Athanasius, died from a Fentanyl laced cartel pill pressed "Oxy" tablet in 2019. your message here hit me hard. im so glad you forgave your dad and found your peace with him. i wish i could forgive myself for all the things i should have done to intervene.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I was just talking about my horrible childhood with my sister yesterday and amazed at how we ended up doing ok. My other sister didn't. But I won't hate on my parents. I love and miss them. But a desperate search for their love no longer has a hold on me.
@catsscareme2021 Sadly awesome. I never blamed him or anyone as it was just us and what we do with what happens. Remember the times I had with you dad, smiling at me as I drank your pepsi in that li apartment, sorry about that. Proud of you. This will make it more one. youtu.be/h8MAHQhKe7Q?si…
For those that have suffered great hardships, especially as children, are able to ascend to great heights because of the depth of their emotional wisdom. This happens to those who are able to grasp the significance of their experience and use it for the greater good. Hats off to you, Jessica. ❤️🩹