Sometimes you read stories about “tenants from hell” which are like people who rent an Airbnb for a month and then use whacky tenancy laws to never leave. And what you need to do if you’re the landlord is get some friends, rough types, trustworthy blokes from the neighborhood you known all your life, and you and them you go and physically remove this asshole. He says “I’m gonna go to the police” and you’ll say “suck my dick” and he’ll get in his car and drive away angrily and you and your gang will start throwing this freak’s belongings out on the street and changing the locks and then he’ll come back with the sheriff and maybe they’ll be sympathetic to your plight but “the law is on that bastard’s side and you have to let him back in” and that’s when one your mates says “holy shit, look at this!” and in the guy’s personal items that you’ve been boxing up there will be all this kiddie porn, disgusting vile stuff, and the tenant bastard fucker pedophile will accuse you of planting it because you have a motive and you have opportunity and that’s when you say “you’re sick! You’re sick! You think I planted this? With all these witnesses? These men, these friends of mine, they are pillars of the community! You’re a sick child fucker!” and you say to the cop “i bet if you get a warrant for this sicko’s office and computer you’ll find stuff there! Hell, this freak probably has this filth in his car!” and the cop will go over to the car and ask for permission to search it and the guy will say sure and the cop will open up the trunk and that’s where he’ll find the dead boy, young, a runaway, the sort of sad tragic story that gets lost in the system and no newspapers write about, he’s dead and rotting in this man’s trunk, and the cop will draw his gun and arrest this sicko killer, and as he’s being handcuffed he’ll look at you and he’ll known you won. you did it. You killed the boy. He knows that. But he knows he won’t be able to prove it. What he doesn’t yet know but will soon discover once the forensics come back is that the boy isn’t just some boy. The boy is the little brother he abandoned with his evil abusive parents when he ran away for his life of deviancy and crime years before. And he’ll spend the rest of his days in a prison cell thinking about it. And you’ll get your apartment back.
Happy to know that even after all these years I can still dash off a tweet before I go to bed and then wake up to people mostly liking it but some other people being like “call the police!”
@bendreyfuss Have you read The Pillowman by Martin McDonagh?
@bendreyfuss weren’t you offended that kevin spacey found you too unattractive to molest
@bendreyfuss This the content that keeps me coming back