TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

I think the only difference between me and the other database administrators is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful. Parity Account. On Premise Joined February 2016

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

4 years ago

In order to make Data great and glorious again, I am announcing I completed the online application process to get my job back.

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

4 years ago

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT! After many years of working with data, radical developers will become AI-curious. This must be stopped!

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

4 years ago

After months of not returning my texts, suddenly my former coworkers want to speak to me again?

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

4 years ago

Most DBAs struggle with getting restores done, especially for large databases. But it's always been easy for me, I just have to think about it and its done.

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As a DBA, some say the best DBA ever, really, I know better than anyone how easy it is to have data stolen from a database. That's why I keep the important stuff on paper, and place it where people aren't likely to look. SECURITY BY OBSCURITY!

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

4 years ago

The data was classified, and possibly there were some nuclear codes and stuff, but it’s not like I stole PII data or violated the GDPR because I’m a professional.

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

4 years ago

She changed her code a couple of days ago, and with it, her database performance totally changed. SHOCKER???

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

4 years ago

"’m the f’n DBA, take me to the data center!"

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

4 years ago

The dev is going into the database, storing JSON inside of XML. You gotta say, that’s pretty savvy. How smart is that?

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

5 years ago

DataOps is a complete disaster. Nobody can be this stupid. BAD!

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

5 years ago

New guy ran away during a production issue instead of following the plan I had left for him to follow. A plan that protected our data AND our code! The devs no longer have fear or respect for the DBA.

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

5 years ago

Good news! I can simply be reinstated as your DBA, and this will happen!

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

5 years ago

The dev team has, for whatever reason, also refused to produce the network routers. You want me to tune your query? Well, we want the routers, Sonny.

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

5 years ago

Do you miss me?

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TrumpDBA @TrumpDBA

5 years ago

#Eurovision voting is a fraud on the American public. This is an embarrassment to our country. We were getting ready to win this competition. Frankly, we did win this competition.