Totalitarian Pizza @TotalPizza
Most self-help books are thinly disguised self-pity. This one isn't: http://t.co/LJSsvkiNDG totalpizza.tumblr.com Joined June 2012-
Tweets499
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Followers214
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Following982
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People on the highway at 4:30 in the morning are not fucking around. tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQbb_Rq
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Catholics know fart jokes aren't funny - - but that farting in church is hilarious! tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQKyXmu
How to make gluten-free cupcakes in 40 minutes - - get in the car and drive to Whole Foods. tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQIvjQr
Social media is like a riot where no windows get broken - - everyone’s milling about, screaming “partay!”... tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQIq06I
If Big Data can predict what I am going to do, why aren’t the fucking french fries ready? tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQDEFCG
Big Data is like God, only indifferent. tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQDBAZ-
Training montages are nothing more than cinematic revenge fantasies - with a sweet soundtrack! tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQCnq_3
David letterman is just as funny as the Empire State building - but hey he’s on the map so you gotta check... tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQBaqvt
There is one other great thing about my job - — I couldn’t be more seriously underemployed — only way to go... tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ9ZPOR
I'm arguing statistics, you're using adjectives - — you’re overmatched and don’t even know it. tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ9ZE1E
And teh best thing about George Foreman Grills? - They’re disposable, right? I mean, fifteen bucks — you... tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ9YWBo
Damn, but if I ain’t too tired to nasturbate. tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ5vWej
We spent one hundred dollars to see two movies this weekend - - #lifeisexpensive tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ3jGHq
Most disgusting thing ever - - a NY street vendor feeding pigeons out of his hand. Then turning around and... tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ3izmK
When getting a free parking spot is a big part of your day - - you may need a new set of goals. tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ3imXi
We need some parking discipline here people - Pull a little closer so more is us can join the curbside fun. tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ3iBf-
Funny but the illegal immigrant standing in the sun - Taking fast food orders on an iPad doesn’t look like... tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ3gZ53
This has happened to everyone - - you rush into a store, clearly in distress and ask to use the restroom.... tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ3gOUg
Most 7-11s are dreary - And the staff is pissed - but occasionally you get the immigrants who’s genuinely... tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ3ftIo
I went to a Starbucks in a foreign country - - all the guys were Eastern European. But they were speaking... tmblr.co/Z0V8vuQ3dcM8
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