Anon Tweets @RandomAnonTweet

#BBCDebate

Fancied chips and cheese for tea... cooked chips, took them out of oven, went to get cheese, realised I came home drunk other night and ate all the cheese in the fridge 😭

I think what I love most about UTIs is racing to the bathroom emergency-style to produce one single drop of just the spiciest pee

In completely unrelated news I'm off to make a sandwich

Some people are like slinkies . . . No fucking use for anything but they'd still bring a smile to your face if you pushed them down a flight of stairs

So one sock has rolled down under my boot and there's no way I'm getting my treaters out on the bus so the rest of my journey will be conducted with one sock and one weird toe hammock

Balancing out all the man spreading by sitting on tram doing borderline splits . . . I'd like to say it was some form of feminist statement, but it's mainly to try and get slight breeze up my shorts in this heat as my lady parts are moist and not in a good way

When you definitely only went for one quick pint after work and didn't fall home on last bus and eat all of the cheese in the fridge...

*This*

Genuinely concerned that my @NetflixUK list is longer than my life expectancy

Yeah, sex is great but have you ever given your ears a real good cotton budding

Making a snack to 'keep you going' while you wait for dinner to cook, then being too full to eat dinner #FirstWorldProblems

Found my first grey pube this evening. . . Not entirely sure how to deal with that

Worked late so having cornflakes for dinner because I can't be arsed to cook . . . A pint of cornflakes because I also can't be arsed to wash a bowl #lazy

#ThingsIWishIHadSaidToPeople To the woman who basically sat on, rather than next to, me this morning on the bus: "Do I look like Father Christmas?" "Erm, No" "Do ya wanna get off my fucking lap then!" #LifeInTheBusLane #PublicTransportProblems

Dropping a particularly potent fart on the train: 50%: Head down feeling embarrassed hoping no-one realises it was me Other 50%: Resisting urge to run length of honour hi-fiving down train shouting "How d'ya like dem apples muthafuckas!"

Trying to convince yourself that you didn't get home that late last night... but the taxi app on your phone is a mega grass

What is brieing and why are lots of women doing it? metro.co.uk/2018/05/16/bri… via @MetroUK

Just sprayed my pits with hair spray fml