Proverbs of Parents ™ @ParentProverbs
Shit your folks say but should really have kept in their heads. Courtesy of Derek and Marjory, my mum and dad. The 1960’s Joined January 2022-
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Date yourself with a chocolate bar. I’ll go first: Marathon.
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Dad: On the Piccadilly line. Jeepers look at all those tourists with sweaty, Wendys burger fingers making marks on the tube map 🤮#CheapHotels #SmellsOfDamp
Mum: Derek absolutely no one needed to read that. You are awful.
Dad: when you let a bit of wee out, it’s really good to still have the old draculas cape. Extra line of defence, if you see what I mean. #Foreskin
Mum: everything’s £21! Apart from the perms and balayages which are four times the price. So, everything’s a multiple of £21, actually. #Maths
Dad: New shop coming soon. For women with two absolutely identical tits. @rigbyandpeller
Dad: Come now @Wendys, your burger wasn’t that bad
Dad: I’m gonna say Jewish boys, when they reach 8 days old? 🤭 @Ryanair
Dad: am I the only man who actually washes his shoulders with @HeadandShoulder ?
Dad: Rhetoric and reality never seem to be in the same room as each other these days. All this nonsense about London being too dangerous. Tosh!
Dad: interracial relationship problems. 😆 😆
Mum: What berries are brown, for heaven’s sake? What a stupid phrase. #suntan #brownasalog
Mum: Yes, Derek, but if you think that smells bad…
Dad: The angle where my nose joins my cheek smells of cheese. Had you noticed, Marge?
Dad: actual live footage of Brexit 😆 😆 😆
Mum: Derek I have dry patches on my toast. That’s no way to butter up, and well you know it! State of your breakfast preparation.
Dad: If tea didn’t start off so damn hot I’d like it more #tea
Mum: I’m not one to laugh at misfortune. But the tourist I just saw walk straight into the lift and out the open door opposite at Russell Square has me in creases 😹 😹
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